Tworld News: Week of August 30, 2010

Comedians on Twitter are the best thing to happen to the news cycle since the sculpting of Anderson Cooper's perfect face…

Hopefully the cost of building a rescue tunnel won't force Chili's to cut their unbeatable $20 dinner-for-two deal.

More Tworld News after the jump…

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Tags: Apple, Arizona, Chile, James Jay Lee, Jan Brewer, New Zealand, Oprah Winfrey, Religion, Science & Technology, Stephen Hawking, Tworld News, Weather

Oprah Winfrey Lands Interview with Cinematographer/Co-Star of the John Edwards Sex Tape

Oh. My. God!!!! Look at who Oprah Winfrey has scored for her super-serious, not-at-all gag-reflex-triggering show! I cannot wait for this interview to get out of my head and into my car (which is where I keep my my television)…

Oprah Winfrey has arranged for the first televised interview with Rielle Hunter, the woman with whom John Edwards admitted to having an extramarital affair.

According to The Associated Press, Ms. Winfrey’s company, Harpo Productions, announced Tuesday that Ms. Hunter — who has a 2-year-old daughter with Mr. Edwards — will appear on Ms. Winfrey’s talk show, though it did not specify a date. The interview would be Ms. Hunter’s first on television since the scandal broke.

Jeeze! I would love to watch that interview. But, unfortunately, I just remembered that I have a pre-existing appointment to jam a pencil into my eye and spiral it around in the socket until I pass out.

Oh, I know they "did not specify a date." But I have a pre-existing appointment to do that forever.

Tags: John Edwards, Oprah Winfrey, Rielle Hunter, Sex

Can John Edwards Rise Again? (Let's All Hope Not, Okay?)

If you had asked me fifteen minutes ago if my opinion of John Edwards could drop any lower than it already has, I would have laughed in your face because you would sound like such an idiot for asking such a ridiculous question with such an obviously negatory answer attached to it because, really, what a stupid thing to ask.

However — as has now been revealed to me — under such circumstances, it would be I who was the idiot. For PR director and Fox News talking head Peter Mirijanian has posited a truly nauseating possible future…

"The public used to count people out and you wouldn't hear from them again. That's not the case anymore. There are so many ways to rehabilitate yourself… The American public likes a feel-good story, they like a story of redemption.

"Five years ago, the well-trod path was to go on Larry King; today, it begins on Oprah. Edwards has "got to do the one interview. And I think it has to be a visual medium. I don't think the full-page story in the New York Times cuts it."

First of all, yuck.

Second of all, with all due respect to the Cult of the Oprah, I don't think they've invented a big enough couch for John Edwards to jump this shit away.

Tags: John Edwards, Oprah Winfrey, Scandalgate

From the Pork Barrel: Adieu, Sweet Oprah

* Perhaps taking a cue from her most rogueish guest, Oprah Winfrey has decided she will no longer be shackled behind her talk show.

* The Senate takes up its version of the health care bill tomorrow morning. Harry Reid needs 60 votes just to proceed with debate, because the Republicans do not want to deal with this thing at all. If they filibuster, let us hope they forgo the phonebooks and pledge allegiance to the flag for twelve hours straight. (Eat your heart out, Todd Akin!)

* Said health care bill is 2,074 pages long. Tony Perkins and his fightin' evangelicals have released something called "The Manhattan Declaration," which manages to cover "the sanctity of life, traditional marriage and religious liberty" in just 4,700 words.

* President Obama will make a decision about Afghanistan troop levels after Thanksgiving, assuming he's not in a food coma.

Tags: Abortion, Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Christianity, Filibuster, Harry Reid, Health Care, Marriage Equality, Oprah Winfrey, Pork Barrel, Religion, Senate, Tony Perkins

The First (of, I'm Sure, Many) Sarah Palin/Oprah Winfrey Remixes

Well done, Conan. Well done…

Tags: Oprah Winfrey, Sarah Palin