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Oregon
  • Oregon Bill Could Ban Cigarettes

    Dear America, Oregon has a story to tell you about what happens when some of your legislators quit smoking tobacco and start puffing slightly more psychedelic substances: they decide that effectively criminalizing cigarettes would be a swell idea.

    Rep. Mitch Greenlick (D-Portlandia) has filed a bill that would make nicotine a Schedule III substance, placing it in the same category as ketamine, lysergic acid and anabolic steroids, and would make having it without a doctor's note a crime. Nicotine-containing products would only be available from pharmacies with a prescription.

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    Tags: Crime, Health, Oregon, Smoking
  • One of a Kind Candidate: Biome Michael Erickson: Mayor, Ashland, OR

    Biome Michael EricksonBiome Michael Erickson, is that your original name? I'm thinking maybe it's not. It's a bit of a jump from Biome to Michael Erickson, no? Whatever you call him, the man is running for mayor of Ashland, Oregon, and here's how he introduces himself and his campaign

    The requirements, as I understand them, to qualify for Mayor are these: I had to be an Ashland resident and I had to be registered to vote. This means, simply, I had to be Human to be Mayor. [...]

    My position is that of an ordinary human being. What else could it be? I have the same needs as every other creature on this planet. I breathe, posture, and attitude. I have a heart, brains, guts, and a spine. I eat and drink. I work. I exercise, play and sleep.

    It's about time we asked elected officials to prove their humanness. What exactly is a "Joe Lieberman," anyway? Animal, vegetable or mineral?

    But back to Biome, and why this human runs…

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    Tags: One of a Kind Candidates, Oregon
  • One of a Kind Candidate: John Lackey, La Grande, OR

    John Lackey is one of the few, the proud, but definitely the few: he's the only candidate running for an open city council position in La Grande, Oregon. The two council members up for re-election are running unopposed as well. So are the county commissioner, the sheriff, the assessor, the clerk, the surveyor and the treasurer. That's right, La Grande called it quits as soon as they got enough warm bodies to fill the seats. So while the rest of country is burning the midnight oil until November, La Grande will have their election wrapped up at the primary, which leaves more time for- whatever it is one does in La Grande, Oregon.

    Here's the thing. Nobody wants to run for office because nobody wants his or her dirt dug up. When you get right down to it, we're really not so different from the politicians we write jokes about–some of us abuse our power, some of us dress up in diapers, and we all practice good old-fashioned tax evasion (or is that just me?). The problem is, politics is supposed to be a competitive sport. "Politicians need to be held accountable and, even if voters think everyone currently in office deserves to be re-elected, they shouldn't be given a free pass. New blood is critical to democracy," a La Grande Observer editorial said, a bit sinisterly.

    Well, tell that to the people in La Grande.  They're perfectly happy to disenfranchise themselves and elect anyone who's willing to take the abuse. So here's to you, John Lackey, for not being afraid to expose yourself to the critical public eye. Just please don't have a history of exposing yourself to the public's eyes.

    Previously: Allen Hill, "Motherlufkin sheriff."

    Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Lackey a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:

    Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.


    Tags: One of a Kind Candidates, Oregon
  • Rep. David Wu Resigning from Congress to Spend More Time Bouncing Around on Tail (Presumably)

    Tiger suit-wearing/pill-popping/alleged "unwanted sexual encounter"-giving/congressperson from Oregon David Wu has announced that he is stepping down from his congressional seat

    Representative David Wu, a Democrat from Oregon, said Tuesday that he will resign from Congress after allegations that he had had a sexual encounter with a young woman.

    Mr. Wu, a seven-term member of Congress, said in a statement that he intended to fight what he called "very serious allegations." But he said that he would resign as soon as the debt ceiling fight in Washington was over…

    Mr. Wu has been under fire for months as he fought earlier allegations of a mental breakdown after a divorce last year. In February, several staff members quit after describing erratic behavior and unwanted e-mails that included a picture of Mr. Wu dressed in a tiger outfit.

    Ugh. I don't know what's wrong with this guy, but I hope he figures it out and puts a heavy lid on it. Maybe he should spend some time in a nice place away from people, where he can relax with his thoughts and sort through his problems.

    This looks like a nice option.


    Tags: Animals, David Wu, House of Representatives, Oregon, Sex
  • Democratic Congresscat Accused of "Unwanted Sexual Behavior"

    Hey, so, you know that congressperson from Oregon, David Wu. You know him; he was the chair of the House Science Subcommittee on Technology and Innovation. He's a member of the New Democrat Coalition.

    He dressed up like a tiger and sent pictures to his staff. Yep, that's him.

    Well, he's back in the news again. And this time, it's for reasons not quite as noble as playing dress-up

    Rep. David Wu (D-OR) is resisting calls to resign following the revelation that he's been accused of an unwanted sexual encounter with a young woman who is the daughter of a high school friend and campaign donor, but an aide says he has decided not to seek reelection.

    But House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Rep. Steve Israel (D-NY), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, are calling for an immediate investigation into Wu by the House Ethics Committee.

    Look, I'm not making excuses for this guy's behavior at all. But if there's one thing that I've learned about half-human/half-jungle cat shapeshifters from TV shows like True Blood and movies like Cat People (the 1942 and 1982 versions), it's that they have voracious sexual appetites that are notoriously difficult satiate.

    Again, that's not an excuse. The guy should have taken his unholy curse into account before leaving the house. Like, wasn't there some sort of amulet he was supposed to be wearing or something? Shapeshifters have to be diligent. Especially when they're in public office. I really have no sympathy for the guy.

    Photo by Tim Sloan/AFP/Getty Images


    Tags: Animals, David Wu, House of Representatives, Oregon, Sex