The United States of Unflattering Stereotypes

How long does it take to travel to every state in the nation and mock it right to its face? About two minutes…

I think it's really cool that Paul Jury traveled 19,000 miles in the service of writing his book States of Confusion, but you've got to wonder if it was really necessary. If he was really interested in seeing how everybody in the country really lives, couldn't he have just gone to a Wal-Mart in a Hoveround?

Tags: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Books, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming

Oregon Democrat in Trouble for Tiger Costume Photo and Drug Use (But Mostly Tiger Costume Photo)

If I had a nickel for every legislator who was brought down by a photo of him dressed up like a playful tiger, well… then I'd save a stitch with nine. Or something. Anyway, tiger costume, people!

A photo of Rep. David Wu wearing a tiger costume and other unusual revelations about his mental health are increasing pressure on the seven-term Oregon Democrat to step down…

Wu said this week that it was "unprofessional and inappropriate" to send pictures of himself wearing a tiger costume to staff members while he was in the middle of a heated campaign last year. He also acknowledged taking two tablets of a pain killer that were given to him by an unnamed campaign donor.

"This was the only time that this has ever happened," the congressman said in a statement of the pain killer episode. "I recognize that my action showed poor judgment at the time, and I sincerely regret having put my staff in a difficult position."

While I'm pretty sure that there's no law against dressing up as whatever jungle cat you like for whatever reason you like — this is Oregon, not Texas, after all — it's probably showing poor judgment to send pictures of dress-up time to staff members.

Can't really blame him for the pain killers thing, though. Have you tried them? They're grrrrrrrrrrreat!

Tags: Animals, David Wu, Drugs, Oregon

The Onion: Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election in American History

The Onion reports on last night's carnage…

In the wake of what is being called the deadliest midterm election in the nation's history, Washington's sole surviving politician, Rep. Peter DeFazio of Oregon's 4th Congressional District, emerged from the rubble of the Capitol building Wednesday to announce his intention to rebuild the fallen U.S. government.

The events of Tuesday night — which included live televised images of Sen. Harry Reid taking a gavel to the head of Sen. Mitch McConnell while Rep. Barney Frank repeatedly smashed the face of Undersecretary for Food Safety Elisabeth Hagen against a marble column — left most Americans believing their entire government had perished in the post-election bloodbath. But the miraculous survival of DeFazio points to a possible way forward…

"If anybody can hear me, my name is Peter DeFazio, and I'm a member of the U.S. Congress," he called out from a makeshift podium atop the ruins of the Lincoln Memorial.

I'm kind of shocked. It's not like The Onion to sugarcoat a story.

(By the way, you really need to read right down to the last line.)

Tags: Barney Frank, Harry Reid, House of Representatives, Midterms, Mitch McConnell, Oregon, Peter DeFazio, Senate, The Onion

Could the Next Governor of Oregon Be a Seven-Foot Pro-Choice Republican?

Oh, this old story again: The six foot eleven inch ex-NBA player with the Yale degree and the type 1 diabetes runs as the Republican candidate for governor in a state composed primarily of lumberjacks and lesbian hippies.

Ladies and gentlemen, the next governor of the great state of Oregon, Chris Dudley!

Dudley, 45, is an unusual political candidate. He played basketball at Yale, a university far better known for producing politicians than N.B.A. players, and did so while living with diabetes. And in N.B.A. history, no player who scored as little as Dudley — he averaged 3.9 points per game and was famous for his inept free-throw shooting — has managed to linger longer than his 886 games, which included four seasons with the Nets and three with the Knicks.

Is this gubernatorial playa not quirky enough for you? Well, feature this: Chris Dudley is a Republican who supports civil unions and legal abortion. In this way he is maybe a non-crazy, non-Teabaggy, non-embarrassing Republican candidate! Who knew they even MADE those anymore?!

Um, also? The Future First Lady of The Land of Beavers shares her husband's first and last name. Chris Dudley is married to Chris Dudley. So there is that.

A million votes for Chris Dudley, the other Chris Dudley, and their adorable giant children, now.

Tags: Basketball, Oregon, Republicans, Sports

Oregon Teabaggers Stealin' Slogans for the Lulz

Most political groups would probably shy away from anything that might incite the ire of pitiless, amoral, amorphous online entities like Anonymous and 4chan.

But, then again, most political groups would probably also shy away from naming themselves after sex acts that involve the dipping of one's testicles into the mouthal orifice of one's sexual partner.

I suppose that a certain fearlessness in inherent in not having any fucking idea about fucking anything.

Tags: Internet, Oregon, Tea Party