Look, we all know that Barack Obama is a Kenya-born Muslim fundamentalist who forged birth certificates so as to falsely claim the presidency and bring the Great Satan down from the inside. Right? Simple obvious stuff. But, what if all that is not true?
Hear me out! I know it sounds crazy, but what if he was actually… a Communist Terror Baby?!
Dreams From My Real Father, a 97-minute film narrated by an Obama impersonator, weaves the narrative that Obama’s grandfather wasn't a furniture salesman but an undercover CIA agent who convinced Barack Obama Sr. to marry his teenage daughter to hide the fact that she was impregnated by a 55-year-old communist named Frank Marshall Davis…
[T]he filmmakers assert that Obama had a nose job ahead of his 2004 run for Senate, that his mother posed for naked photos when she was five weeks pregnant with him and that Bill Ayers nurtured Obama's career.
I haven't seen the film, but that all checks out with me. Seems about right. I guess I kinda always assumed something like that, you know?
There's one glaring problem with this new conspiracy theory, though. How can he be the secret love child of an American Communist if he wasn't even born in America?
[T]he suggestion that Obama really was born in Hawaii and that his father was an American citizen has some conspiracy theorists upset. Birther queen Orly Taitz is troubled by the film because it undermines the theory that Obama’s father had to be a U.S. citizen for him to be a "natural born citizen"… WND and Corsi, wrote Taitz, are "trying to kill the case by making up an American citizen father for Obama."
Insidious stuff. I'll tell you who's behind it. Barack Obama. Or Boris Obamsky or whatever is real name is.
Photo by Mike Theiler-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Communism, Orly Taitz
Outspoken dentist/attorney Orly Taitz has spent the past three years trying make a willfully blind country see that President Barack Obama is a foreign-born foreigner from a foreign country in some foreign land. But, for some reason, the Washington establishment refuses to take her seriously.
Looks like there's only one logical thing for a logical person like her to do: Infiltrate the U.S. Senate and take matters into her own hands…
In a lengthy interview with The Daily Caller, Taitz expressed optimism about capturing the Republican nomination and defeating incumbent California Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein in 2012.
"It's time for new ideas, new blood, new energy," Taitz told TheDC. "I'm very confident that I'll be able to get the Republican nomination and I will be able to win the general election."…
The controversy surrounding Obama's birth certificate, Taitz said, will help her win a Senate seat. She expressed displeasure that the Senate Judiciary Committee hasn't investigated the matter.
I think this is a fantastic development! In this day and age of flipping and flopping, America needs legislators with her determination and conviction more than ever. Politicians who are willing to bite down on a belief and refuse to let go come hell or high water or facts. If Orly Taitz says she's going to win next year, then I believe that she believes that. And nothing you or anybody else says will change her mind. Least of all poll results.
Do you really think a little thing like "vote count" is going to dissuade a woman of her fortitude from serving in the U.S. Senate? Doubtful. Highly doubtful. There's bound to be an open window big enough for her to fit through somewhere in the Capitol building. I guarantee she's just the candidate to find it.
Photo by FiredUpMissouri/Wikimedia Commons
Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, California, Dianne Feinstein, Orly Taitz, Senate
* George W. Bush commends George W. Bush for all his good work following 9/11.
* Rick Perry nabs invaluable Orly Taitz endorsement.
* Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala) unveils plan to open up millions of coveted dishwasher jobs for America's unemployed.
* Anti-Illegal Immigrant governor of New Mexico discovers illegal immigrants hiding in her family tree.
* Paul Ryan continues wooing the Senior Citizen crowd.
Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: 9/11, Alabama, George W. Bush, House of Representatives, Immigration, New Mexico, Orly Taitz, Paul Ryan, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Senior Citizens, Unemployment, Wisconsin
"Aplomb" means spewing a barrage of nonsense syllables like a mental patient, right?
To be fair, though, in this interview, Lawrence O'Donnell was being kind of to her from the start, so maybe she panicked.
But, to be even more fair, Orly Taitz is a human-shaped joke.
Are there experts out there capable of deciphering whatever it was she was talking about? I have no idea what she was saying, and I'm pretty sure she didn't either, which is weird because she sounded so cogent and rational and not at all like a person who was desperately grasping at straws to remain relevant earlier in the day, when she explained…
"In those years… when they wrote race, they were writing 'Negro' not 'African'," Taitz says. "In those days nobody wrote African as a race, it just wasn't one of the options. It sounds like it would be written today, in the age of political correctness, and not in 1961 when they wrote white or Asian or 'Negro'."
I sure hope she didn't rupture her lower intestine while digging up that very insightful piece of birth certificate expertise.
Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, MSNBC, Orly Taitz
Never let it be said that Donald Trump is a man reluctant to put his money where his mouth is. Granted, the guy has a lot of money. So, luckily, he also has a huge fucking mouth.
Since he's recently unfurled his birther flag and come out as the new Orly Taitz — with a less-foreigny accent, but slightly sillier hair — it only makes sense that since he's so concerned about President Obama producing his real real birth certificate (as opposed to his fake real birth certificate, which has already long-since been produced), Trump should produce his as well.
And he has…
Hey, what was all that stuff that Trump was talking about non-valid birth certificates?
Is it anything at all like this?
But after several New York City-based readers contacted POLITICO's Maggie Haberman, her call to city officials revealed that an actual birth certificate, which is issued by the Department of Health, would have the agency's seal and also a signature of the city registrar – neither of which the Trump document has. Officials said the city Health Department is the "sole issuing authority" of official birth certificates in New York, and that the document would clearly say so, and "city officials said it's not an official document."…
Trump's mother, it should be noted, was born in Scotland, which is not part of the United States. His plane is registered in the Bahamas, also a foreign country. This fact pattern — along with the wave of new questions surrounding what he claims is a birth certificate — raises serious doubts about his eligibility to serve as President of the United States.
This might be a serious setback if he were in any way a serious candidate.
Instead, it's just hilarious.
Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Donald Trump, Orly Taitz, Primaries, Republicans