Osama bin Laden: Who Would Have Killed Him the Most?

Tomorrow marks the one year birthday of Osama bin Laden's death, and to celebrate everybody has decided to go crazy and make stupid unfalsifiable accusations at one another and drive down deeper the wedge between left and right America. Because that's how Osama bin Laden would have wanted it.

In a campaign video, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton teamed up to remind you that Obama killed bin Laden. He killed him real good. He killed him pretty much to death! Oh, and that Mitt Romney would have let him live. And bought him some ice cream probably…

I don't know about this ad. It seems kind of unfair to present Mitt Romney statements as though they in any way reflected the things that Mitt Romney believes. Even Arianna Huffington called the ad "despicable" which is really bad. Or really complimentary. Possibly both?

Obviously, Romney could not let a slight like this go unanswered, so he pulled off one of his silken gloves and slapped Obama across the face with this statement…

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Tags: al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Osama bin Laden, Terrorism

From the Pork Barrel: Taking Down bin Laden

* Choosing to kill Osama bin Laden took real courage, says Bill Clinton. And if anybody should know…

* The 2016 Democratic primaries are really heating up. Seems later than I would have thought.

* Mitt Romney's campaign message really is soothing to many young conservatives. So much so it's been lulling some Ohio students to sleep.

* Listen to Indecision editorial producer Mary Phillips-Sandy on WNYC's Brian Lehrer Show from this morning. Wow! She actually kind of makes us sound like we know what we're talking about.

* Also check her out on the Polioptics show on SiriusXM Satellite Radio "POTUS" Channel 124 at either 6am / 5c, 12pm/11c or 6pm / 5c.

* And don't forget to join us on our Election Companion App for iPad and iPhone as we liveblog House Speaker John Boehner's appearance on State of the Union, 9am/ 8c (and then again at noon) on CNN. The Speaker is likely to be pricklier than a hedgehog at a junky convention.

Tags: al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Military, Osama bin Laden, Pork Barrel, Terrorism

Karl Rove Yawns at Osama bin Laden Killing

Jeeze. Karl Rove sure a hard guy to impress. What do you have to do — short of starting two wars and decimating your country's good-standing in the world — to get this guy to admit you achieved anything of note?

"As for the killing of Osama bin Laden, Mr. Obama did what virtually any commander in chief would have done in the same situation.

"Even President Bill Clinton says in the film "that's the call I would have made." For this to be portrayed as the epic achievement of the first term tells you how bare the White House cupboards are."*

Well, not any commander in chief.

.

^{* Let's ignore that that's a misquoting and misrepresentation of Bill Clinton, because, really, it's closer to a truthful statement than the inventor os Karl Rove's secret math has made in months.}

Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Karl Rove, Military, Mitt Romney, Osama bin Laden, Terrorism

Osama bin Laden Sought to Cripple U.S. with Joe Biden Presidency

Joe Biden is truly the Rodney Dangerfield of American politics: He just doesn't get any respect. Not only is he a target for late-night jokes, he was also the lynchpin in a terrorist plot to tear down the Great Satan by installing a buffoon as its president…

"The reason for concentrating on [President Obama and Gen. David H. Petraeus],” the al-Qaeda leader explained to his top lieutenant, "is that Obama is the head of infidelity and killing him automatically will make [Vice President] Biden take over the presidency…

"Biden is totally unprepared for that post, which will lead the U.S. into a crisis. As for Petraeus, he is the man of the hour… and killing him would alter the war’s path” in Afghanistan.

Had we known what the terrorist mastermind was planning, we could have saved him some gloating time by mentioning that The Onion is not an actual news source.

Sure, Joe Biden suffers from a crippling case of Gaffitis, but he's still a seasoned politician with decades of knowledge about how Washington D.C. works. It's dubious that Biden could single-handedly throw his bitchin' Camaro in reverse and devolve this country back down "The Road We've Traveled."

Americans are a lot more resilient that bin Laden thought. After all, we survived eight years with the fear of a President Cheney looming above our heads.

Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Dick Cheney, George Bush, Joe Biden, Osama bin Laden

Our Endorsements: Key & Peele on Obama's Anger Management

* Comedy Central's Key and Peele show us President Obama's Mr. Hyde.

* NSFW(ish) portrait of Rick Santorum made entirely of gay porn.

* The all-female birth control panel, from Second City.

* The top five Obama impersonators (so far).

* Very funny, newspaper headlines! From Funny or Die.

* Behind the scenes with Joe Biden, from Buzzfeed.

* The Onion asked the U.S. what was up and the U.S. was all, "Get off our backs. Jeez"

Key & Peele airs Tuesday at 10:30/9:30c after Tosh.0.

Tags: Barack Obama, Comedy Central, Daily Links, Funny or Die, House of Representatives, Joe Biden, LGBT, Osama bin Laden, Rick Santorum