The Odds of a John McCain/Paris Hilton Ticket Just Got a Little Better

Why didn't I think of this before?

John McCain needs a running mate who's a) younger than he is, b) photogenic, and c) a resident of a politically-important state. And we know he's got a thing for Paris Hilton.

If he's going to ask her to be his vice president, though, he'd better act fast. Paris seems to be setting her own political agenda…

Man, I can't wait for Britney's video about free trade. I hear she makes out with Madonna at the end of it.

Tags: Barack Obama, Energy & Oil, John McCain, Paris Hilton

Turns Out Barack Obama Really is Paris Hilton

Seton Motley of Newsbusters — which is totally always busting news stories wide open — makes a very salient point of explaining why it's totally not stupid or childish or, like, hella retarded for the McCain campaign to compare Barack Obama to Paris Hilton in an advertisement.

Because Barack Obama said something kinda similar first.

Back in 2004 — before he was sworn into the Senate but after he handed Alan Keyes his ass in their Illinois race — Obama joked about the hype surrounding his campaign…

There's nothing exotic or complicated about how phenoms are made in Washington, and, more to the point, how they are broken.

"Andy Warhol said we all get our 15 minutes of fame," says Barack Obama. "I've already had an hour and a half. I mean, I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse."…

"I figure there's nowhere to go from here but down," Obama says. "So tonight, I announce my retirement from the United States Senate."

Oh! Well, then nevermind. I guess that as long as one of the candidates had made a similar joke or statement about himself at some point in the past that makes using a similar sentiment in a "funny" campaign advertisement not only not juvenile or irrelevant but also politically expedient.

So, I suppose that also means that it's open season for Barack Obama to start referring to John McCain as "old as dirt" in his ads. I mean, McCain said it first. So what's the problem?

And I guess he can also start calling McCain's wife Cindy a "c*nt."

Thank you, Seton Motley, for opening that door for everyone.

Tags: Barack Obama, Cindy McCain, John McCain, Paris Hilton

Which Political Figures Are Really Like Paris Hilton?

John McCain implicitly compared Barack Obama to Paris Hilton in his latest attack ad. But is that really a fair comparison? We thought long and hard about Paris Hilton's…qualities…to see if any of them really match up with Obama's, or those of any other politician. And here's what we came up with:

Statuesque blonde Joe Lieberman	Promiscuous Larry Craig	Relentlessly self-promoting Barack Obama
Attempted acting Fred Thompson	Wears too much makeup Chris Dodd	Attempted singing Trent Lott, John Ashcroft, Larry Craig, Jim Jeffords
Won the Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award for "Best Scream" Howard Dean	Spent time as a prisoner John McCain	Dog wrote a memoir George W. Bush

Tags: Barack Obama, Chris Dodd, Fred Thompson, George W. Bush, Howard Dean, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Paris Hilton