Jon Stewart on The Vatican's Latest Sex Scandals

On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart reported on a recently uncovered gay prostitution ring at The Vatican and allegations that Pope Benedict XVI covered up a molesting priest in Germany. Just when you start thinking the US Congress is the world's biggest den of closeted homosexuality and sexual abuse, the Catholic Church chimes in to remind us that they're The Yankees to Congress's Bad News Bears.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Abortion, Catholic Church, Corruption, Jon Stewart, Patrick Kennedy, Pope Benedict XVI, Prostitution, Sex, The Daily Show, Vatican, Video

Stephen Colbert Tackles the Serious, Complicated Issue of the Ongoing Conflict in Afghanistan and How Eric Massa Is So Totally Gay

Thank God for Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) for bringing more much-needed attention to this whole Eric Massa thing…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Afghanistan, al Qaeda, Dennis Kucinich, Eric Massa, Hamid Karzai, House of Representatives, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Military, Patrick Kennedy, Rhode Island, Scandalgate, Sex, Stephen Colbert, Taliban, Terrorism, The Colbert Report

Thou Shalt Not Give Patrick Kennedy Communion

For the past several days tensions between Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) and the Catholic Church have been simmering like a giant kettle of Boston baked beans*, each camp issuing accusations via national media outlets. Late last week Kennedy — a Roman Catholic, a/k/a a Kennedy — broke the news that a bishop had instructed local priests to deny him Communion because he's pro-choice.

Now Bishop Thomas Tobin is hitting the airwaves to offer his side of the story…

"How can you claim to be a Catholic and also support abortion?" Bishop Thomas Tobin of Providence, Rhode Island, asked Monday on CNN, discussing his request that Rep. Patrick Kennedy, a Rhode Island Democrat, stop receiving Holy Communion because of his pro-choice politics.

No doubt that's a tough question. But hey, lots of people have figured out how to be Catholic and also support priests who abuse children, so I'm sure the bishop will find a solution somehow.

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^{* You can put the Kennedy in Rhode Island, but you can't take the Massachusetts out of the Kennedy, if you know what I mean.}

Tags: Abortion, Catholic Church, Christianity, Patrick Kennedy, Religion, Rhode Island

Colbert Better Knows California's 12th District

Anyone who knows anything about politics knows the true measure of a legislator isn't his or her voting record, it's how well he or she can gleam the cube (ask your parents). So last night, after grilling California Congresswoman Jackie Speier about her district's plans to cure gayness, Stephen Colbert took to the halls of Congress armed with his board and a hunger for shredding.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: California, House of Representatives, Jackie Speier, Massachusetts, Patrick Kennedy, Rhode Island, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Rep. Jean Schmidt Hit by Cut and Run Driver

Sure, U.S. Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-OH) can be pretty obnoxious, but is that really grounds to hit her with a car and speed off, leaving her with broken ribs and vertebrae?

Sounds like a case of a cut-and-run driver…

U.S. Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio suffered broken ribs and vertebrae when she was struck by a car while jogging last week, but the damage wasn't discovered until after she fainted from pain on an overseas trip, her spokesman said Monday.

The Republican congresswoman was heading to a weekend fact-finding visit to Afghanistan when severe pain caused her to pass out while the plane was landing at a U.S. Air Force Base in Germany…

The avid marathoner was struck by a car last week. Police still haven't found the driver.

Although almost anyone could be a suspect in this case, one thing we know is that it wasn't a Marine. Just ask U.S. Rep Jean Schmidt (R-OH), who, in recalling her conversation with a Marine colonel, stated…

"He asked me to send Congress a message — stay the course. He also asked me to send Congressman [Jack] Murtha a message — that cowards cut and run, Marines never do," Schmidt said. Murtha is a 37-year Marine veteran and ranking Democrat on the defense appropriations subcommittee.

Democrats booed and shouted her down — causing the House to come to a standstill.

So clearly Marines are off the suspect list, but Jack Murtha is still on it. Also to be considered are fellow cut-and-run cowards Barack Obama, Joe Biden and John Kerry, as well as George W. Bush and Nouri al-Maliki.

One person who definitely did not hit Schmidt with his car: U.S. Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI). His license has been suspended since 2006.

Tags: House of Representatives, Jean Schmidt, Ohio, Patrick Kennedy, Rhode Island