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Patrick Leahy
  • SOPA Supporters Retreat in the Face of Funny Cat Picture Blackout

    Capitol dome, Washington DCThere's much that separates the life of a typical voter from that of a successful politician.

    The median net worth of a Congressperson is $913,000, compared to $100,000 for the rest of American households; the days of presidential candidates are punctuated by charter flights, high-stakes meetings with donors, and conspicuous consumption of deep-fried food products (okay, in some ways we are still One America).

    But today, thanks to online protests against the Stop Online Piracy Act and its Senate counterpart, PROTECT IP, which will have Wikipedia going dark for 24-hours, all Americans can feel a little like their leaders — unbridled from the harsh chains of "facts" and "reality…"

    Around the country, Americans will wake up without some of the oddball essentials of online life. No Wikipedia. No Reddit, a compendium of links to stories and funny pictures that draws millions a day. And no, which is the world's best-known collection of funny cat pictures. In Washington, however, the day will have another significance. It will culminate a surprising lobbying effort in which technology companies such as Twitter, Wikipedia and Google have used their massive reach into Americans' daily lives as a political weapon, to whip up support from online users.

    Woah, there! It's one thing for Wikipedia's blackout to turn us all into Rick Perry for the day, but taking away adorable kittens is political hardball. Supporters of an open Internet, Pat Leahy iz in ur Senate, somewhat mollifying ur concerns

    Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) is scrambling to rewrite his bill to soften the blowback from the high-tech sector — and from senators worried about the political implications of jamming an industry that has the capacity to communicate across the planet in fractions of a second.

    Copyright-holders still exert a lot of influence in Congress, it's just that LOL Cats and those who love them may have more.

    Photo by Lester Lefkowitz/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images

    Tags: House of Representatives, Internet, Patrick Leahy, Senate, Wikipedia
  • Daniel Freilich, the Candidate Your Candidate Could Smell Like

    Patrick Leahy may feel safe and secure in his incumbent seat as Vermont's senior senator going into the state primaries next week, but he'd best watch his left flank. Or his right flank. Or maybe just his underarm flank. Because Democratic challenger Daniel Freilich is coming up strong. He's on a cow!

    Okay, so Freilich isn't quite as attractive as the actual Old Spice guy, Isaiah Mustafa. Nor quite as articulate. Or charismatic. And, though I don't know much about Mustafa's politics, I'd wager that Freilich isn't as much of a policy wonk.

    Anyway, I forget what I was talking about.

    Tags: Patrick Leahy, Senate, Vermont
  • Elena Kagan's Sexy First Day of Sexy Confirmation Hearings Got Sexy

    Oh, man, the Senate confirmation hearings for potential Supreme Court justice (and current Solicitor General) Elena Kagan got effin’ HOT today!

    Solicitor General Elena Kagan pledged on Monday that if the Senate confirms her nomination to the Supreme Court, she will adopt a "modest" stance toward her powers and will defer to the policy decisions of Congress and the president, according to excerpts from her prepared opening statement released by the White House.

    Then she batted her eyelashes and delicately lifted up her floor-length skirt so that the salivating senators could see her shapely, softball-toned ankles. The coy minx!

    She also said that the democratic process "is often messy and frustrating."  JUST LIKE SEX! (is what she meant to add, but didn’t.)  She is so flirting with Senator Pat Leahy. Thank her Old Testament Jehovah the Politico told us she’s not a gay! Otherwise, her statement could be interpreted as a smart, well-worded opening statement to the Senate and the nation, rather than a coded sex note about fucking.

    Stay tuned for later, when she totally leaves something on Jeff Sessions’s desk and pretends she "forgot" it just so she can come back and "get it" later!

    Tags: Elena Kagan, Jeff Sessions, Patrick Leahy, Senate, Supreme Court
  • Should Americans Be Paying to Set Up Brothels? Hmmmm, That's a Tough One

    acornBy now, we've probably all heard that the crazy conservative conspiracy theorists who thought that the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (or ACORN) was a corrupt tool of the worst elements of liberalism were completely justified in their crazy conspiracy theorizing.

    But have you heard this interesting thing?

    [T]he Senate yesterday voted overwhelmingly to prohibit Housing and Urban Development grants from going to [ACORN], which bills itself as "the nation's largest community organization of low and moderate income families."

    That's not really the interesting part. Of course the Senate would "overwhelmingly" vote to stop American tax dollars from going toward the illegal trafficking of sex workers and the fostering of whorehouses. I mean, really, you'd just have to be pretty dumb and politically suicidal to not vote against a thing like that.

    Here's the interesting part…

    Eighty-three senators voted for an amendment from Sen. Mike Johanns, R-Neb., to ban the funds, with seven senators voting against the amendment and nine not voting.

    Seven United States senators voted against the bill! And they're all fucking Democrats (except for one who's an independent socialist, which is pretty much like a super Democrat)…

    NAYs —7
    Burris (D-IL)
    Casey (D-PA)
    Durbin (D-IL)
    Gillibrand (D-NY)
    Leahy (D-VT)
    Sanders (I-VT)
    Whitehouse (D-RI)

    So, you were wondering how the Democrats were planning their spectacular implosion in the 2010 midterms? Does this give you any ideas?

    Tags: ACORN, Bernie Sanders, Bob Casey, Corruption, Dick Durbin, Kirsten Gillibrand, Patrick Leahy, Roland Burris, Senate
  • Casting a Wide Stance: The Top 5 Most Arrogant Political Affairs

    The John Edwards affair has put the "dead girls and live boys" of Washington back where they belong — under our microscope. Men of power have been arrogantly flaunting their affairs since the invention of the penis. But while there's, "I did not have sex with that woman," arrogant, there's also "serving your cancer-ridden wife divorce papers so you can run off with your 33-year-old mistress while prosecuting the president for an illegal BJ" arrogant. With that in mind, Indecision 2008 presents the top five most mind-bogglingly arrogant affairs in American political history ranked on a scale of 1-8 Emperor's Club whore diamonds.

    5. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
    Though our 32nd president had affairs as numerous as he was crippled, they were nothing if not discrete — relics of a simpler time when a president could fingerbang his wife's secretary with one hand and punch Hitler in the solar plexus with the other.

    4. Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, David Vitter

    Once upon a time, there were three restless congressmen.

    Speaker of the House and recovering giraffe hunting addict Newt Gingrich was forced to resign as speaker in 1998 when it was revealed that he was having an affair with a 33-year-old Congressional staffer while trying to impeach the president on felony hummer charges.

    The man selected to replace him as speaker, Louisiana Congressman Bob Livingston, resigned from Congress himself to prevent Larry Flynt from publishing proof of his own extramarital affairs, outing him to his Hustler-subscriber wife Bonnie.

    His replacement in Congress, David Vitter, was later identified as a client of the D.C. Madam prostitution ring, a crime that effectively ended his political career when he got lots of free publicity, a slap on the wrist, and his prostitute killed herself.

    Thus, proudly surveying the mockery they had made of the institution they had sworn to uphold and defend, the three congressmen, boners held high, galloped bowlegged off into sunset.

    3. Gary Hart
    When newspapers began publishing rumors that Hart was having an affair, the Colorado senator forthrightly retorted, "Follow me around. I don't care. I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'll be very bored." Two days later, reporters discovered him nailing a 29-year-old model on board a yacht called "Monkey Business" and all yawned really small.

    2. Bernard Kerik
    The "Sidekick of 9/11" tried to "illegal nanny" his way out of a nomination for Homeland Security Chief before it was discovered that he had been "saluting the heroes" with the publisher of his autobiography in an apartment donated for the use of emergency workers at ground zero. Kerik later stated that he would have preferred to have been out in the thick with his men but rubble kept creeping up his ass and the 24/7 ashen-faced wailing was killing his wood.

    1. Patrick Leahy
    While the Vermont senator has had no reported affairs to date, he masturbates like a horny bonobo at appropriations committee meetings.

    Tags: Bill Clinton, Bob Livingston, David Vitter, Franklin Roosevelt, John Edwards, Larry Craig, Newt Gingrich, Patrick Leahy