David Lynch Endorses Obama with Non-Linear Dream Logic

With the exception of 1999's The Straight Story, David Lynch doesn't do anything straight. So it's no surprise that his endorsement of President Obama is as loopy as they come…

"I am going to vote for re-electing President Obama. I have noticed something in Mitt Romney’s name, which I think speaks to what he is about. If you just rearrange a few letters, Romney becomes R MONEY.

"I believe Mitt Romney wants to get his Mitts on R Money. He would like to get it and divide it up with his friends, the Big Money Bunch. I believe he would like to get his Mitts on R Money, R Resources, R Freedoms, and R American Dream."

David Lynch is the only person who's words make more sense when uttered by a backward's speaking dwarf.

I guess Mitt Romney will just have to continue spending the rest of his life never having seen a David Lynch movie. And Paul Ryan will have to spend the rest of his life being a real-life Kyle MacLachlan.

Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, David Lynch, Mitt Romney, Movies, Paul Ryan

Quote Unquote: Binders of Explanations

Rep. Paul Ryan on Mitt Romney's "binders of women" comment…

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"All he simply meant was that he went out of his way to try to recruit qualified women to serve in his administration when he was governor. That's really what he was saying."

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Fair enough. That makes sense to me. Somebody tell the Internet. Let them know they can stand down.

They're usually pretty good about those things. Reasonable bunch of people.

Tags: Men and Women, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, Quote Unquote

Paul Ryan Didn't Wash That

After an event in Youngstown, Ohio Paul Ryan stopped by a soup kitchen to lend a helping hand, gamely ignoring the fact that meals had already been served and the dishes already washed. The day after, some, including the kitchen's director, expressed ire at Ryan for pretending to scrub already-clean dishware for the cameras…

The president of Mahoning County's St. Vincent De Paul Society [Brian Antel] is "shocked" and "angry" that Republican vice-presidential nominee Paul Ryan used the soup kitchen for a "publicity stunt…"

The event "was a photo op," [Juanita Sherba, St. Vincent's Saturday coordinator for the dinning hall] said. "It was the phoniest piece of baloney I've ever been associated with. In hindsight, I would have never let him in the door."

Unfortunately, these well-meaning people are missing the point. Why are they discriminating against the already-clean dishes? Ryan is simply applying the logic of capital gains tax cuts for the wealthy and payroll tax increases for the poor to the realm of kitchenware. As with tax subsidies and social services to the poor, coddling the dirty dishes by washing them would only promote more grime and indolence.

Like any good supply-sider, Ryan worries about incentives. If only the dirty dishes are given attention, what will happen to the clean plates that are the key to the meal-creating process? Get off his back, people.

Tags: Ohio, Paul Ryan

Our Endorsements: Funny or Remote-Controlled Death

* G.I. Joe shoots into the 21st century.

* The Complete Guide to Everything explains the election.

* Does Joe Biden even need an anger translator?

* LBJ is leading in the polls…I think.

* Stephen Colbert meets the other press.

* Everybody wins the Saturday Night Live VP debate.

* Political cartoons from The New Yorker for your high brow.

* Second City takes on the potential second in command.

* Andrew Sullivan's Obama meltdown, as interpreted through gifs.

* The Endeavor Space Shuttle has suddenly decided it needs plastic surgery.

Tags: Andrew Sullivan, Barack Obama, Daily Links, Funny or Die, Joe Biden, Lyndon Johnson, Military, Mitt Romney, NASA, Paul Ryan, Saturday Night Live, The New Yorker, The Onion

Kid Rock and Paul Ryan Debase a Perfectly Good Guitar

Though Republicans are expected to have an overall spending advantage in the closing days of the campaign, largely thanks to outside groups like Crossroads GPS and Americans for Prosperity, the Obama campaign has itself out-raised the Romney camp. All those dinners with Jay-Z and stalkerish date-like e-mails have produced a slight cash on-hand advantage for the president.

The Romney's campaign response: Bring in Kid Rock. Though "no contribution or payment of any kind is necessary to enter or win," Romney/Ryan are trying to beef up their fundraising listserv by raffling off "a piece of history," a guitar signed by Kid Rock and Paul Ryan.

According to the promotion, the "total approximate retail value of the prize is $300." Which can be a perfectly nice gift, depending on whether one has the disposable income to refurbish the instrument and erase Kid Rock's signature.

Tags: Fundraising, Music, Paul Ryan