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Pentagon
  • Your New and Improved Death Weaponry

    Oh, hello! Would you like to learn a fun fact courtesy of your BFFs here at Indecision (and our BFFs at our "lil' sister" publication, The New York Times?)

    Okey-dokes! Here goes: While you relax in front of your laptop, desktop, iPad or mobile phone, the computerized murder devices you bought for your Uncle Sam last April 15th are whizzing around the world shooting people in the fucking face. Let's learn more!

    The Pentagon now has some 7,000 aerial drones, compared with fewer than 50 a decade ago. Within the next decade the Air Force anticipates a decrease in manned aircraft but expects its number of "multirole" aerial drones like the Reaper — the ones that spy as well as strike — to nearly quadruple, to 536. Already the Air Force is training more remote pilots, 350 this year alone, than fighter and bomber pilots combined.

    "It's a growth market," said Ashton B. Carter, the Pentagon's chief weapons buyer.

    Yes, Ashton, a growth market. Just like elder-care condos in Boca Raton! Also, who knew there were non-Kutchers named Ashton, much less the guy with the unlimited line of credit on Lady Liberty's Diners Club Death Card?

    Aaaanyhoozles, please encourage your children to join the military so that they spend their careers playing fun real-life video games from the safety and comfort of your awful home state. It's exactly like Grand Theft Auto, except the dead people are actual people who you actually kill.


    Tags: Military, Pentagon, Robots Are Dope!, Science & Technology
  • The Onion: Pentagon to Withhold Budget Figures Out of Respect for American Families

    Awwwww… The Onion offers the kind of story that really warms your heart during the holiday season*…

    "Disclosing the cost of even one Patriot missile could seriously damage the morale of a nation just trying to keep food on the table," Defense Secretary Robert Gates said of the new policy. "It would be a slap in the face to all the hardworking citizens who continue to struggle and sacrifice day after day."

    Gates added that revealing the expense of maintaining America's military presence in more than 150 nations worldwide might also break the spirits of returning veterans unable to obtain adequate health care.

    They're right. Ive seen the number. Well, not the actual number, but simulations of it. The actual is not safely quantifiable at this point and must be kept hidden away in a vacuum tube.

    .

    * On account of they have those microwave lasers now that can cook your internal organs from three miles away.


    Tags: Economy, Health Care, Military, Money, Pentagon, The Onion, Veterans
  • Shocking News! John McCain Still Opposed to Repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell

    You guys are all being unreasonable about this. In light of the recently-released Pentagon report that gays serving opening in the military poses no likely harm to troops, everybody's pushing Congress to do what it would do if it received this information.

    But you can't rush John McCain on a thing like this. He's either a maverick or not a maverick depending upon which is cooler-sounding today. And it's not so much that he doesn't want to see DADT repealed. It's just that he'd rather see it repealed over his cold dead body

    Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) warned Thursday against a "rush to repeal" the 17-year-old law prohibiting homosexuals from serving openly in the military, despite a Pentagon study that concluded there was a low risk to the armed services from overturning the law…

    "I'm not saying this law should never change," McCain said in his opening statement. But he said Congress needed more time to consider the Pentagon study and the effect on the military of lifting the restriction on homosexuals, especially in combat units. "I am simply saying that it may be premature to make this change and in this manner without further consideration of this report."

    Yeah, come on, people? What's the rush? Okay sure, there's no officially absolutely no credible evidence that gays serving openly in the military would be dangerous for our troops. And yeah, there have always been gay soldiers since the invention of gays and soldiers. And alright, some people's lives are being ruined by this outdated bigotry-fueled policy that never made very much sense to begin with and has never been properly administered. And okay, I'll give you the fact that increasing majority of Americans would just like to see this silly law repealed so we can all stop arguing about it and get on with our lives.

    But besides all that, can you give me one good reason why we can't just wait another six or seven hundred years to act on this report? Just until we emerge from Western Civilization's coming Republican-approved Dark Age.


    Tags: DADT, John McCain, LGBT, Military, Pentagon, Senate
  • Some Idiot Fires Shots at Pentagon

    Here is a stupid way to make a political point: Fire a couple of shots at a giant, sprawling security fortress that contains the most highly-trained military minds in the world. Oh, while you're at it, make sure your target building has more security cameras and jerk-hunting technology than any other edifice in the entire freaking world. Got all that? Okay, idiot, looks like you're ready for a pretty intense impending beatdown by feds and civilians!

    Let's check in with Steven Calvery, director of the civilian Pentagon Force Protection Agency

    Calvery said a number of his officers reported hearing five to seven shots fired at about 4:55 a.m. EDT near the south parking lot of the Pentagon. The building, and roads leading to the property, were shut down as officers did an initial sweep of the area. They were reopened 45 minutes later.

    Well, that sounds scary! Was anyone hurt, Steven Calvery?

    An internal search of the building found fragments of two bullets still embedded in two windows — one on the third floor and one on the fourth. The bullets had shattered, but did not penetrate, the windows, Calvery said. The windows were part of offices that are being renovated and they were unoccupied at the time.

    So the dumbass shooter didn't even get his dumbass bullets through the windows?! What a lamestain. He will inevitably be caught and pistol-whipped within an inch of his loser life. And you just know his mugshot is gonna be totally ugsville, too.


    Tags: Guns, Military, Pentagon, Terrorism