Won't you please join Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman as they lead you on a magical journey through the power structure of this great nation of ours? (If you don't have time, don't worry about it. It just means that the terrorists won is all.)
"All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives." – U.S. Constitution, Article 1, Section 1
Heating Up Washington
More videos after the jump.
Tags: Economy, House of Representatives, Military, Money, Pentagon, Senate, Supreme Court, White House
From The Onion…
"I know most Americans like to believe there are selfless, ultra-intelligent operatives like me out there watching over everything from an underground control room," said the Rhodes Scholar Navy SEAL national security official who for the past 10 years we have all mistakenly presumed to be an actual human being. "Unfortunately, though, I'm not employed by the U.S. government, I'm not working at all hours to foil terrorist plots, nor am I part of some secret network of sharp, capable agents, because no such network exists."
"And again, neither do I," the imaginary man added.
According to the utterly nonexistent super-geniuses who we've been telling ourselves are keeping our nation safe with their superior technology and lightning-fast decision-making abilities, there are currently no living people who resemble them at the Pentagon, CIA, FBI, DHS, TSA, or any other federal, state, or local law enforcement agency, and there never really have been at any point in American history.
I feel so much more un-less make-believe pretend safe for not unknowing this.
Tags: CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, Military, Pentagon, Terrorism, The Onion
The Pentagon has come to depend on heavily-armed, remote-piloted planes to such an extent that they are running short of pilots and are seeking retirees to control the drones, claims The New York Times.
The Predator drones keep personnel out of harms way, are relatively inexpensive, and have proved lethal in the fight against Al Qaeda, especially in the remote, mountainous regions of Pakistan.
Controlled from trailers and bunkers half a world away, the drones introduce a video game-like environment to combat operations. The reliance on the drones means that there is a need for experienced pilots, and oldsters are part of the solution.
A future where our expanding elderly class pilot and control death-dealing robots is possibly preferable to a future where the crash of Social Security means senior citizens are turned into Soylent Green scones and biscotti.
Make sure to call Na-na on her birthday. The future is The Golden Girls meets The Matrix.
(photo via NYT)
Tags: Afghanistan, Iraq, Military, Pentagon
A bipartisan group of Senators now claims to have sliced $100 billion from the stimulus package, which means maybe — just maybe — a few Republicans will change their minds, agree to pass this thing, and let everyone go home before midnight tonight.
But the GOP's still angrier'n a wet cat…
Sen. Claire McCaskill, a Missouri Democrat who is also part of the bipartisan group, said Republican resistance continued to center on the cost and the precedent of Obama's stimulus plan.
Some Republicans are against the notion of having the federal government take on responsibilities that historically have been handled by the states, she said.
Yeah! States' rights! Unless too many states start letting the gayfolk get married.
Sen. Susan Collins, a Maine Republican and the other bipartisan team leader, circulated a roster proposing $88 billion worth of net cuts from the measure. She proposed eliminating money in the bill for K-12 education while boosting funding for Pentagon operations, facilities and procurement by $13 billion.
Of course she did, because as we explained earlier, "spending" and "pork" are synonyms, unless you introduce the magic qualifier "Pentagon."
Kudos to Senator Collins for her quick thinking! If all goes well, this stimulus package will help set the stage for a bold and robust new American economy, one in which illiterate defense employees who can't do basic math have access to a gazillion rocket launchers.
Tags: Claire McCaskill, Economy, Education, Pentagon, Senate, Stimulus, Susan Collins