Quote Unquote: Apologize-for-It-Now

Lisa Chan — the actress in Rep. Pete Hoekstra's now-infamously racist Super Bowl ad against Sen. Debbie Stabenow — makes a statement concerning her participation…

.

"I am deeply sorry for any pain that the character I portrayed brought to my communities. As a recent college grad who has spent time working to improve communities and empower those without a voice, this role is not in any way representative of who I am. It was absolutely a mistake on my part and one that, over time, I hope can be forgiven. I feel horrible about my participation and I am determined to resolve my actions."

.
They say all publicity is good publicity, so this must be fantastic news for Hoekstra! Good for him!

Tags: Advertising, China, Debbie Stabenow, House of Representatives, Michigan, Pete Hoekstra, Senate

Pete Hoekstra Wins Creepiest Super Bowl Ad Contest [Video]

For sports fans, the Super Bowl is the culmination of all that is good and holy about football and the American way. But for people who hate America, there are always the commercials.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxw4uZAezaI&feature=player_embedded

So which advertisement emerged as this year's creepiest? Was it GoDaddy's never-ending crusade to corner the highly lucrative misogynist idiot market? Or GM's scurrilous suggestion that a Ford won't survive the Mayan apocalypse?  Alas, no! The winner is former congressman Pete Hoekstra's ad, aired in Michigan as part of a campaign against Democratic incumbent Sen. Debbie Stabenow, featuring a young Asian women speaking pidgin English…

"Your economy get very weak. Ours get very good [sic]," the actress says, in broken English.

"Thank you Michigan Senator Debbie 'Spend-it-now'. Debbie spend so much American money [sic]," the actress says, without a Chinese accent. "You borrow more and more, from us…we take your jobs. Thank you Debbie 'Spend-it-now.'"

The Hoekstra campaign called the advertisement "satirical" and explained the broken English in the video as a reflection of China's increasingly competitive education system.

Me likee being educated by Pete Hoekstra on the economics of Chinese-American economic relations. For example, I learned that American Treasury bonds are apparently owned by rural rice farmers and not, say, urbanized middle-class factory managers.

If the Hoekstra brand of lameness feels familiar, it's probably because you remember him from his Internet-winning tweet in 2009: "Iranian twitter activity similar to what we did in House last year when Republicans were shut down in the House." At least now that he's facing harsh criticism for this masterpiece advertisement, he knows exactly what the early Christians went through.

Tags: Advertising, China, Debbie Stabenow, Michigan, Pete Hoekstra, Racism, Senate

Six American Politicians Who Were Born as Un-Americans

The other day my editor said something to me that made me think of some of the people born in other countries who later became U.S. Politicians. I think it was something like, "Hey, Gladstone, write me up a list of people born in other countries who are now U.S. politicians."

So I set to work without even asking why she made the request. And believe me that was no small task. After all, with the upcoming premiere of Ugly Americans –- a show about monsters who become American citizens — I could hardly concentrate on this article about legal aliens who became American politicians. Also, I've been very busy lately attending therapy for people who accidentally make highly insulting analogies without meaning to.

So without further ado…

.

Jamshid "Jimmy" Delshad

It's no small thing to come from Iran — a country currently despised in the U.S. — and get yourself elected Mayor of Beverley Hills, but that's just what Jamshid Delshad did in 2007. How?

First, he told people he's from Persia and not Iran. That conjures images of flying carpets instead of unapproved nuclear weapons programs. Second, as a Persian Jew, Delshad didn't really have a lot in common with Iran's current Muslim-based government. But most importantly, Delshad, unofficially changed his name to "Jimmy." And as anyone will tell you, Americans love politicians named "Jimmy," and we would never elect someone with a name like Barack Hussein Obama.

On second thought, it was probably just the Persia thing.

Ugly Americans premieres on Wednesday, March 17 at 10:30 pm / 9:30 c after an all new South Park.

.

Read More »

Tags: Alexander Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, California, Jennifer Granholm, Madeleine Albright, Michigan, Obama Administration, Pete Hoekstra

How to Build a Funky, Funky Turtle Fence, with Rep. Pete Hoekstra

The Auto-Tune the News guys are fresh from chillaxin' their main homey Stephen Baldwin at CPAC (Ed note: Huh?) and back to droppin' edits or something. Whatever it is that they do…

Tags: Bobby Jindal, Football, Health Care, House of Representatives, Pete Hoekstra, Scott Brown, Senate, Sports, Trent Franks

Jon Stewart on the Underwear Bomber

It's been said that big news often uncannily happens when The Daily Show is off the air. For example, the Hindenburg conspicuously crashed sixty years before the show even premiered. Well, as you know, this recent holiday hiatus was no different; The Daily Show went on vacation, and a dude tried to blow up a plane with a chode-bomb. So last night, the show returned (in HD!) and Jon Stewart made up for lost time, taking on the story from all angles.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: CIA, Dan Burton, Homeland Security, Jon Stewart, Karl Rove, Pete Hoekstra, Peter King, Richard Reid, Terrorism, The Daily Show, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, Video, Yemen