The Onion: Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election in American History
The Onion reports on last night's carnage…
In the wake of what is being called the deadliest midterm election in the nation's history, Washington's sole surviving politician, Rep. Peter DeFazio of Oregon's 4th Congressional District, emerged from the rubble of the Capitol building Wednesday to announce his intention to rebuild the fallen U.S. government.
The events of Tuesday night — which included live televised images of Sen. Harry Reid taking a gavel to the head of Sen. Mitch McConnell while Rep. Barney Frank repeatedly smashed the face of Undersecretary for Food Safety Elisabeth Hagen against a marble column — left most Americans believing their entire government had perished in the post-election bloodbath. But the miraculous survival of DeFazio points to a possible way forward…
"If anybody can hear me, my name is Peter DeFazio, and I'm a member of the U.S. Congress," he called out from a makeshift podium atop the ruins of the Lincoln Memorial.
I'm kind of shocked. It's not like The Onion to sugarcoat a story.
(By the way, you really need to read right down to the last line.)
Tags: Barney Frank, Harry Reid, House of Representatives, Midterms, Mitch McConnell, Oregon, Peter DeFazio, Senate, The Onion
If anybody knows anything about using divisive, destructive, ineffectual, ugly politics in the White House, it's Karl Rove.
So, we should at least hear him out…
"Don't think we're not keeping score, brother." That's what President Barack Obama said to Rep. Peter DeFazio in a closed-door meeting of the House Democratic Caucus last week, according to the Associated Press…
Members of Congress should also worry about how Mr. Obama is "keeping score." He is steeped in the ways of Chicago politics and has not forgotten his training in the methods once used by Saul Alinsky, the radical Chicago community organizer…
After all, Alinsky's first rule of "power tactics" is "power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have." Team Obama wants to remind its adversaries it has plenty of power, and it does. The question is whether the White House will wield it responsibly. The jury is still out, but certain clues are beginning to emerge. "Don't think we're not keeping score, brother," even if said with a wink and a smile, isn't quite the "new politics" we were told to expect.
It's amazing Rove hasn't come down with a fatal case of haemochromatosis, considering all the irony in his system.*
* That one goes out to my dawg, Dr. Casper H. Swerzwiki. Word!
Tags: Barack Obama, Chicago, House of Representatives, Illinois, Karl Rove, Peter DeFazio
Well, we now know that Barack Obama really isn't a secret Muslim. No adherent of the Koran could vote for a bailout package that contained more pork than a Hormel rendering plant.
Yet, that's exactly what Obama — and John McCain, along with leadership in both Houses of Congress — did last week.
Of course, Obama wasn't the one who loaded up the bill with earmarks. That task fell to statesmen such as…
* Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-OR), who seeks a tax break for arrow manufacturers in his home district.
* Rep. Don Young (R-AK), who as House porker-in-chief, seeks a tax break for the perpetrators in the Exxon Valdez oil spill.
* An anonymous sponsor, who seeks tax write-offs for the owners of NASCAR racetracks.
Thankfully, these provisions and many others made it in to the bill, which is why our financial institutions survived the weekend and why we aren't all speaking Mandarin, Russian or Arabic right now.
Time to celebrate with some ribs and bacon.
Tags: Barack Obama, Don Young, Economy, House of Representatives, John McCain, Peter DeFazio, Senate