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Peter King
  • (Secret Shadow) Family Values

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    Washington is no different from Hollywood — it's full of famous names, ruthless backstabbers, and gossip bloggers willing to grossly exaggerate any anecdote to boost their readership. As former United States Senate Pages, Dylan and Ethan Ris were privy to backroom dealings, power grabs, and scandals that would make even Eliot Spitzer blush. Join the Pages as they get the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    This Week’s Politician in Trouble! The Pages are organizing a candlelight vigil for embattled U.S. Representative Vito Fossella (R-NY), who is facing a host of accusations including drunk driving and lying to a police officer. Also something about fathering a child with a common-law wife in Arlington, Virginia.

    This one hits home for the Pages, because the square-jawed Congressman from Staten Island was a father figure to us during our time on Capitol Hill, always happy to dole out kindly words of wisdom or a piggyback ride. We say a man of his paternal caliber shouldn’t be wasted on one measly family!

    And yet some meanies in Washington are demanding that Uncle Vito resign because of the allegations, or at the very least hold a tearful press conference where he admits to being gay. Fortunately fellow Rep. Peter King (R-NY) is coming to Vito's defense by pointing out that Fossella is a "good guy who's made a mistake" and should be allowed to stay in office as long as he wants.

    Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer disagrees, noting that many business opportunities will await Fossella if he leaves politics. Spitzer, after all, is the star of Fox's upcoming smash "Who Wants to Have Anonymous, Rough Sex with a Governor?"

    Vito’s post-political career, by contrast, hinges upon the demand for Ray Liotta stand-ins at mini-mall openings, but he could use any downtime to lay the groundwork for families three, four and five!


    Tags: Congressional Confidential, Eliot Spitzer, Peter King, Vito Fossella