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James Franco Wrote an Awful Inauguration Poem
If you did not enjoy the official inauguration poem by Richard Blanco, know that it could have been much worse. Actor and "writer" James Franco penned a "poem" specifically for the inauguration titled "Obama in Asheville."
This is at least half the fault Yahoo! News, which commissioned Franco and others to write poems on the occasion of Inauguration Day. Though there's no excuse for this video of Franco reading his blatherings from his bed, which has all the production value of a Chatroulette session:
Tags: Barack Obama, Inauguration, James Franco, Poetry -
The Top Seven 4th of Julys of All Time
July 4, 1776
A group of wealthy, land-owning, tax-hating residents of a collective of British colonies declare their independence from the throne by signing a document that states "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," thus setting the stage for the greatest Broadway musical ever written about haggling over the particulars of a non-binding document.
Tags: 4th of July, Baseball, Declaration of Independence, Founding Fathers, Germany, Herman Cain, Movies, Music, Poetry, Sports -
Congress Approves Oil Drilling to Improve Sex Lives of Caribou
Yesterday, in a 237-187 vote, the House of Representatives approved approved a chiefly Republican-backed plan to authorize the Keystone XL pipeline, expand drilling offshore and open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to exploration.
The "idea" is that drilling will reduce the price of gas and heating oil for American consumers. However, because I love Indecision readers, I made the above graph using data from the U.S. Energy Information Administration to illustrate why this stupidity can't possibly be the underlying motivation for this legislation. The graph tracks vehicle gasoline prices (taxes included) across several countries and lo and behold, spikes and declines happen at the same time, at roughly the same magnitude, in every surveyed nation. Almost as if there's some underlying factor, independent of each country's policy that determines price changes: the global price of sweet, beautiful crude.
Since the price of oil is set on global commodity markets, increasing the supply of Alaskan crude will impact prices in France as much as it will in the United States. And do we really want to despoil the American environment in order to lower French energy prices, when their country is already so efficiently powered by condescension and loathing (not to mention nuclear fission)? No, we do not.
So why are we doing this? Possibly, because there once was a man from Alaska/his colleagues wanted to shut him up faster…
Tags: Alaska, Animals, Conservatives, Don Young, Energy & Oil, Environment, House of Representatives, Louie Gohmert, Poetry, Republicans -
Michele Bachmann's Haiku for the Lamestream Media
Here at Indecision, we pride ourselves on being smarter than the New York Times, trashier than TMZ, and siren-ier than The Drudge Report. So, when we received an anonymously-sent manilla envelope stuffed full with poetry that may or may not have been written by one Michele Bachmann, we decided to do the right thing and print it without hesitation. However, because we are such responsible journalists, we've chosen to withhold some of the information we received (for now, anyway.)The first offering is a beautifully agonizing expression of Bachmann's struggle with the mainstream media, which has lately been torturing her with accusations (read: facts) about her family farm. The cruel jerks on TV (hi, Anderson Cooper!) and in the newspapers (hi, Los Angeles Times!) and on the inter-webz (hi, Politico!) just can't seem to let go of the fact that the anti-big-government Bachmann denies receiving federal funds for her family's farm (even though federal tax documents show she did.)
A Haiku for the Lamestream Media
Farm subsidies? What?
Time to change the subject. Um…
Gays will eat your kids!Michele Bachmann is your new Basho. Feel free to leave your own Bachmann-inspired haiku in the comments. And prepare for more beauteous Bachmann verse in the days and weeks to come.
Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Agriculture, Michele Bachmann, Money, Poetry, Primaries, Republicans -
"Paul Revere's Ride" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Sarah Palin
Ben Greenman — auteur of Broadway's newest (non-radioactive spider-related) smash hit music — is on a roll this week…
The only issue I take with this is that he left out the part where Revere is attacked wampa and dragged back to its ice cave.
Tags: Paul Revere, Poetry, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin
