Latest Posts

  • Tweet Untweet: A Polish Joke

    <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>WORLD WAR! COMMUNISM! ROMNEY! SEEM LIKE POLAND NEVER GET BREAK!</p>&mdash; DRUNK HULK (@DRUNKHULK) <a href="" data-datetime="2012-07-30T17:19:43+00:00">July 30, 2012</a></blockquote>
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    Tags: Mitt Romney, Poland, Tweet Untweet, Twitter
  • Scoring Mitt Romney's Foreign Tour

    In some ways a presidential campaign is a lot like Olympic gymnastics: There's lots of flip-flopping and someone always cries at the end. How does Mitt Romney's foreign trip stack up on the International Gymnastics Federation's scoring system?

    Event: Special Relationship Still Rings

    Degree of Difficulty: Medium

    The Routine:  In a standard still ring routine, gymnasts are required to perform various skills while keeping the rings in an unchanging position. In the special relationship variant, candidates are required to adopt positions that have some relevance to the modern international order, while convincing our British allies that they are now and forever our very best and most important friends, even though this has no semblance to reality whatsoever.

    The Execution: Romney went back in time to insult the British about their houses being the wrong height and size.

    Score:  12.5, with high deductions for general instability.

    Read More »

    Tags: Israel, Mitt Romney, Olympics, Poland, United Kingdom
  • Mitt Romney Endorsed by Big Labor Union Boss Lech Walesa

    After insulting the British by suggesting that their Olympics may be a touch less awesome than the ones he organized in Utah and insulting the Palestinians by claiming that Israel's superior culture was responsible for its economic strength vis-a-vis the Palestinians, Mitt Romney alighted to Poland, which luckily has no easily exploitable stereotypes that can be turned into crude jokes.

    Amazingly, instead of complimenting the Polish Air Force on its development of helicopter ejection seats, Romney held his tongue and attended a meeting  with former Polish president, Solidarity co-founder and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Lech Walesa, in Gdansk. According to the pool report, the anti-communist union leader has fully embraced capitalism, since his side-light now includes writing copy for motivational posters found in gyms and offices…

    Walesa: "I wish you to be successful because this success is needed to the United States, of course, but to Europe and the rest of the world, too. Gov Romney, get your success — be successful!"

    It's always nice to win the endorsement of a Nobel Peace Prize winner who didn't need to take time out from presiding over two wars in order to pick up the award.

    Photo by Janek Skarzynksi/AFP/Getty Images

    Tags: Mitt Romney, Poland, Unions
  • Barack Obama Offends All of Poland with "Polish Death Camp" Gaffe

    barack obamaWhile honoring Medal of Freedom recipient Jan Karski last night, President Obama caused some controversy after briefly touching upon one of the darkest moments in human civilization. When thousands upon thousands of Polish Jews, Polish Roma and Polish homosexuals rounded themselves up and incarcerated themselves in concentration camps strewn across the Polish countryside

    "Fluent in four languages, possessed of a photographic memory, Jan served as a courier for the Polish resistance during the darkest days of World War II," Obama said. "Before one trip across enemy lines, resistance fighters told him that Jews were being murdered on a massive scale, and smuggled him into the Warsaw Ghetto and a Polish death camp to see for himself."

    Wait a minute. That doesn't sound quite right…

    National Security Council spokesman Tommy Vietor said in a statement later that Obama "misspoke" when he referred to a "Polish death camp," and what he was referring to were "Nazi death camps" inside Poland.

    But the slip of the tongue had already caused some consternation in Poland, where foreign minister Radek Sikorski Tweeted: "The White House will apologize for this outrageous error," according to BuzzFeed, which first reported the error. Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk was to make a statement Wednesday morning, Sikorski said. "It's a pity that this important ceremony was upstaged by ignorance and incompetence."

    Well, this is definitely embarrassing, but there's got to be a way for the President to wiggle his way out from under the blame. If I were counseling Obama, I'd tell him to claim that he was acting under orders from his teleprompter.

    Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Germany, Nazis, Poland
  • From the Pork Barrel: V for Poland

    * Poland's opposition party outs itself as being into Alan Moore, knowing the score.

    * Researchers discover that low intelligence and conservative values lead to racism and bigotry. Or, to put it another way, Rick Santorum's presidential campaign continues apace.

    * Indiana really is doing its best to out-Texas Texas.

    * Majority of Americans would vote out the entirety of Congress, replace with 535 of those see-saw-y water-drinking bird things.*


    * May not have been actual part of poll.

    Tags: Christianity, Conservatives, Education, Guy Fawkes, House of Representatives, Indiana, Intelligent Design, Nerdiness, Poland, Polls, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Science & Technology, Senate, The Bible