From the Pork Barrel: OWS Meets MSM

* This is what you might call the 99% and the media's "meet cute" moment. You'd never guess it, but they eventually fall in love and stop a bomb from exploding inside a volcano.

* And here's the 1% and Barack Obama's "meet hideous" moment. They will eventually both drown to death beneath a raging waterfall, their cold dead hands wrapped around each other's neck.

* Rick Perry promises to send bureaucrats to a "God-awful place." Nice to see that he still takes an interest in boosting tourism in Texas.

* Mitt Romney has never flip-flopped. Except for that time that he flip-flopped.

* Actual headline: "Miami's Federal Prison Plagued by Strippers Posing as 'Legal Assistants'" Probably couldn't get them to pose as actual lawyers because it would have been too degrading.

* On a related note, a Colorado sheriff has just become the country's first eponymous resident.

Tags: Abortion, Barack Obama, Florida, Mitt Romney, Occupy Wall Street, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Prison, Republicans, Rick Perry

Texas Cuts Inmates' Lunch to Reduce Costs, Annoy Civil Libertarians

For the United States, there are a few downsides to being number one in such highly competitive rankings as "most prisoners" and "highest incarcaration rate per capita." Although accounting for 25% of the world's prison population while containing only 5% of the world's total population is an impressive feat, this accomplishment comes with certain costs; housing, securing, and providing medical attention to hundreds of thousands of inmates is an expensive proposition.

Now Texas, ever the leader in the burgeoning field of pissing off the ACLU, has come up with an ingenious $2.8 million cost-cutting solution. Do all those prisoners really need to eat three times a day?

Texas prison officials last month ended the decades-old practice of serving last meals to inmates about to be executed after one man ordered an elaborate feast of hamburgers, pizza and chicken-fried steaks that he did not eat.

But the 300 inmates on death row are not the only ones coping with food restrictions.

Thousands of other inmates in the Texas prison system have been eating fewer meals since April after officials stopped serving lunch on the weekends in some prisons as a way to cut food-service costs. About 23,000 inmates in 36 prisons are eating two meals a day on Saturdays and Sundays instead of three. A meal the system calls brunch is usually served between 5 and 7 a.m., followed by dinner between 4 and 6:30 p.m.

Of course, it's always possible to get even more creative. With nearly 500 executions since 1976, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice has all the ingredients one needs for soylent green.

Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: ACLU, Food, Prison, Texas

State Sen. Eric Adams Continues Fighting the Good Fight Against Baggy Pants (Which Are Bad Apparently)

We all thought it was not-terrible-tasting food for thought when New York State Sen. Eric Adams made his "Declaration of Pants Not Being Saggy" earlier this week. We thought about it. Thought about the implications, the messages sent, the damage done to the belt industry. Then we went on with our lives and got back to thinking about actually important things.

Most of us. State Sen. Eric Adams is holding onto this saggy pants thing. Look, he's even getting a billboard put up. And now people are saying opinions in front of television cameras. This saggy pants thing is clearly blowing up to become the issue of our generation. What side of history will you be on? (I'll probably be on the "I don't tell people how they should wear their pants" side of history.)

Tags: Eric Adams, Fashion, New York, Prison, Racism

The Six Groups You Meet in Drug Heaven

Ugh! Look at this hippy shouting for a reform of our drug laws! Probably so he can get back to shooting PCP into his eyeballs without having to worry about a jail term interfering with his hemp-braiding business.

What's he talking about? The six groups who are benefiting most from the war on drugs? I don't even know. I couldn't hear anything he was saying over the sound of how much he probably smells like Patchouli.

Jeeze, if these Deadheads were half as good at keeping a steady job as they were at coming up with sensible, well-reasoned arguments for changing the way our country deals with its drug problem, they'd have enough money to join the establishment…

Get a haircut!

(via Dan Savage)

Tags: Cocaine, Crime, Drugs, Marijuana, Money, Prison, Ronald Reagan, Terrorism