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Prostitution
  • A Star Is Born: The David Vitter & Anthony Weiner Version

    Ben Greenman's musical got me thinking. We need more spectacle in the blogosphere. And, as much as I love musicals, that's not really my forté. I'm much better at writing Arthur Miller-style heart-wrenching gritty dramas. So, take a look at this when you get a chance. It's kind of a work in progress.

    The curtain rises on two Republican politicians speaking to one another.

    Republican #1: So, about Weiner. We're gonna make this guy resign, right?

    Republican #2: Oh, totally! There's no way that we can allow a man with such low moral principles to serve in the highly esteemed United States Congress.

    Republican #1: Exactly! Our bicameral legislative branch is a shining paragon of morality. It can never be sullied by the base habits of a man who uses his genitals for anything other than the sacred act of procreation.

    Republican #2: I couldn't have said it better myself. And another thing–

    Sen. David Vitter enters, interrupts.

    Sen. David Vitter: Hey, guys! Wassup?! Listen, you're coming to my fundraiser tonight, right? Gotta keep the ol' Vitter doin' his thang on the Senate floor, comprende?

    Republican #1: Oh, absolutely!

    Republican #2: I wouldn't miss it for anything!

    Sen. David Vitter: Excellent. I'll see you over there. Gotta make a quick pit stop at drugstore and pick up some Huggies for my, uh… baby… Alright, goodbye.

    Sen. David Vitter leaves.

    Republican #1: So, who do you like for President?

    Republican #1: I'm leaning toward Newt.

    Black out.

    Inspired by this segment from The Rachel Maddow Show…

    Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images


    Tags: Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, Bob Livingston, David Vitter, House of Representatives, Larry Flynt, MSNBC, Porn, Prostitution, Rachel Maddow, Senate, Sex
  • Harry Reid Wants to Get Rid of One of the Two Good Things About Nevada

    Those poor Nevadanites. I feel so bad for them. First of all, they live in Nevada. Right there, huge bummer. And then on top of that, they're represented by a guy like Harry Reid. Ugh! Why are you so mean, life?! (To be fair, when given opportunity to replace Reid last fall, they were presented with something far worse.)

    As a matter of fact, there's only two things that hold Nevada back from being an un-scenic version of Utah. One of them is legalized gambling, and the other is about to become a thing of the past if Harry Reid has his way

    U.S. Sen. Harry Reid took aim at the world's oldest profession Tuesday, telling state lawmakers the time has come to have an adult conversation about Nevada's legal sex trade if the state hopes to succeed in the 21st century…

    [W]hen it comes to attracting businesses, Reid said, "parents don't want their children to look out of a school bus and see a brothel."

    So much better that they should look out their window and see Nevada.* Much much more attractive.

    .

    * Why am I so down on Nevada all of a sudden? Last I checked, I had almost no opinion about Nevada. In fact, I'm rather fond of their Sierra brand of pale ale.


    Tags: Gambling, Harry Reid, Nevada, Prostitution, Senate, Sex
  • Berlusconi to Face Very Sexy Trial

    Italy's #1 boyfriend, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, has fallen victim yet again to the evil haterati! These Italian officials, who seem to have forgotten that they live in the naughtiest country on Earth, insist on forcing our dashing hero to stand trial on some silly trumped-up charge

    An Italian judge has ordered Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to stand trial in April on a charge that he paid an underage girl for sex, though there seemed no immediate risk the scandal would force him from office… Berlusconi has denied doing anything illegal in the case and says he has been targeted by politically motivated judges backed by the left who are determined to bring him down.

    And surely he has a perfectly sensible reason for having called the cops to intervene on then-17-year-old Karima "Ruby" el Mahroug's behalf when she later got popped for shoplifting…

    He says he has never paid for sex and says that when he telephoned the Milan police station it was because he believed el Mahroug to be the granddaughter of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and he wanted to avoid a diplomatic incident.

    Thank God Silvio Berlusconi — who is obviously telling the complete truth — called the Milan police station to intervene! Otherwise, Hosni Mubarak would really be fucked. Instead, he's doing just fine and… Oh, wait.

    Maybe Silvio and Hosni ought to book a one-way ticket to the same distant resort island, where they can peacefully have crazy sex parties/wield complete and brutal authority over everything.

    .

    Note from Dennis: Check out Sara discussing Valentine's Day, Joe Biden, Justin Bieber and the birthers on Russian Television.


    Tags: Hosni Mubarak, Italy, Prostitution, Sex, Silvio Berlusconi
  • My Favorite Election Night Moment: A Vitter Victory!

    Tonight was an evening of great victories and crushing defeats. But mostly, it was a night on which an alleged diaper fetishist and admitted whoremonger easily recaptured his Senate seat in a state known primarily for permitting the good times to roll. Yes, David Vitter will live to oppose another healthcare reform bill, more financial reform, and perhaps even another Wall Street bailout. You may approve or disapprove of his politics, but you cannot disagree with his filthy, sexy charm.

    So tonight, I raise my glass of bourbon (oh, you bet your ass I'm drinking) to Senator David Vitter, a man so manly that even rumors of a predilection for Pampers could not stop his mighty might. May your reddish visage approach Boehner-ian levels of orangeitude during your glorious 1000-year reign in the Senate.


    Tags: David Vitter, Louisiana, Midterms, Prostitution, Sara Benincasa, Sex
  • Democratic Senatorial Challenger Attempts to Out-Scumbag David Vitter

    Democratic Rep. Charlie Melancon — who is currently trailing by double digits in his bid to unseat well-known aficionado of prostitutes and hypocrisy David Vitter from his place in the U.S. Senate — has apparently concluded that Louisiana voters prefer lowlife scumbags. So, he just released this 2-minute ad. Give the people what they want, you know…

    The War Room's Alex Pareene makes a good point

    "One thing I don't get: Why did his constituents need their identities protected? They're not the prostitutes. They're just people who live in Louisiana who don't like David Vitter."

    Though, I don't think I'd want to be associated with this ad either.


    Tags: David Vitter, Louisiana, Prostitution, Senate, Sex