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Puerto Rico
  • Curtains for Acevedo Vilá?


    Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    This Week’s Politician in Trouble! It may be curtains for our favorite Governor of Puerto Rico, Anibal Acevedo Vilá, who was recently charged for his role in a trade-off scheme with Philadelphia fundraisers.

    As students of Puerto Rico trade history, we Pages quickly surmised that Acevedo Vilá was trading rum to West Africa, which in turn was sending slaves to Philadelphia, which in turn sent designer suits to the Puerto Rico governor.

    Fortunately for all involved, we were off, but not by much. Instead, Acevedo Vilá faces 19 counts of corruption in federal court, including wire fraud, conspiracy to defraud the IRS, and filing a false tax return.

    Prior to his indictment, Acevedo Vilá served as Barack Obama's honorary campaign chairman for Puerto Rico. He stepped down in the wake of the scandal and Obama has replaced him with someone else, possibly Tony Rezko (we forgot to look it up.)

    Acevedo Vilá is contemplating a TV ad campaign to remake his image in time for his re-election campaign. We Pages advise him to do it quickly before the airwaves are besieged by Hillary Clinton ads, wherein she'll claim to have spent the first 15 years of her life pounding rum shots in a Puerto Rico steel mill.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Congressional Confidential, Hillary Clinton, Puerto Rico
  • Anticipated Ad Campaigns


    Washington is no different from Hollywood — it's full of famous names, ruthless backstabbers, and gossip bloggers willing to grossly exaggerate any anecdote to boost their readership. As former United States Senate Pages, Dylan and Ethan Ris were privy to backroom dealings, power grabs, and scandals that would make even Eliot Spitzer blush. Join the Pages as they get the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    Well folks, we Pages would like to thank the good people of West Virginia for keeping the Democratic presidential race alive! From here on out, the campaign boils down to TV advertising as the candidates' final chance to sell themselves to voters. Knowing as much, Congressional Confidential has consulted our sources, weighed the intangibles, and is now ready to reveal our anticipated ad campaigns for each of the remaining states!


    (May 20)

    Hillary Clinton
    Title: "Run for the Roses"
    Synopsis: Clinton enters the shot on horseback, wearing a jockey helmet and vest over her horsehair pantsuit. She recaps the Presidential campaign using Kentucky Derby metaphors and pounds a mint julep shot before trotting away.
    Music: Dan Fogelberg — "Run for the Roses"

    Barack Obama
    Title: "Summer Reading"
    Synopsis: Obama is seen sipping cognac in the Harvard faculty lounge. Setting down his copy of Rene Descartes' Meditations on First Philosophy, he offers a brief contrast of the physical and metaphysical symbolism of American Flag pins.
    Music: Feist — "We Shall Overcome"


    (May 20)

    Hillary Clinton
    Title: "Timber!"
    Synopsis: Clinton is shown operating a chainsaw as she fells a redwood in southern Oregon. Brushing woodchips from her camouflage pantsuit, she recounts the hardships of her third cousin toiling in an Oregon sawmill as a summer job in 1966.
    Music: Celine Dion — "Truck Drivin' Man"

    Barack Obama
    Title: "A Long, Strange Trip"
    Synopsis: Grainy late-70s footage of Obama hitchhiking in Indonesia. Surrounded by friends from his madrassa, he sports bellbottoms and an Afro. He holds a sign reading “America or bust!” with a Marcel Proust quote scrawled beneath it.
    Music: Ozomatli feat. Professor Cornel West — "(If You’re Going To) San Francisco"


    (June 1)

    Hillary Clinton
    Title: "A Little Bit of the Captain in Her"
    Synopsis: Clinton swabs the deck of a campaign donor’s yacht. Wearing a banana leaf pantsuit, she describes the executive branch using boat crew metaphors. She takes a giant swig from a liter bottle of Captain Morgan's and approves the message as the shot fades to black.
    Music: Van Halen — "I'm The One"

    Barack Obama
    Title: "Footprints in the Sand"
    Synopsis: Obama, barefoot and shirtless in ripped jean shorts, walks along the beach as multi-ethnic children frolic in the surf ahead of him. In the distant background, we see a stone-induced splash from a Mike Gravel commercial filming on the same beach.
    Music: Yanni – "Age of Aquarius"


    (June 3)

    Hillary Clinton
    Title: "Home on the Range"
    Synopsis: Clinton, wearing a rawhide leather pantsuit, stands beside cowboys before a roaring bonfire. She raises a toast to the common man, shotguns a beer, and then dramatically throws her Wellesley College diploma into the flames as the cowboys cheer.
    Music: Kid Rock — "Cowboy"

    Barack Obama
    Title: "Nature's Miracle"
    Synopsis: Obama stands in attendance at the waterbirth of his daughter. As his nude, submerged wife Michelle shuts her eyes and bears down, Obama bestows Hawaiian leis upon attending guests Cindy Sheehan and Tony Rezko.
    Music: Sarah McLaughlin — "Kumbaya"


    (June 3)

    Hillary Clinton
    Title: "My Fellow Americans"
    Synopsis: Clinton appears on a movie set depicting the Oval Office. She accepts the Democratic nomination and pledges to appoint Barack Obama to the position of Junior Senator from Illinois. Bill, Chelsea, and Terry McAuliffe assemble at her side and their faces magically morph into a refashioned Mount Rushmore.
    Music: Lesley Gore — "It’s My Party"

    Barack Obama
    Title: "A Whole New Me"
    Synopsis: Obama is shown in the mirror trying on lipstick, rouge, and women's clothing. He briefly considers a burqa before deciding against it. He is careful to affix an American flag lapel to his outfit by the commercial's end.
    Music: James Blunt — "You’re Beautiful"

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Congressional Confidential, Cornel West, Hillary Clinton, Kentucky, Michelle Obama, Mike Gravel, Montana, Oregon, Puerto Rico, South Dakota, Terry McAuliffe, Tony Rezko
  • Hillary Clinton Faces Off Against Math

    With a ~150 pledged delegate deficit and precious few states yet to cast their primary votes, Hillary Clinton is finding that basic math — in addition to the press — is showing an unfair bias against her

    After more than 40 Democratic primaries and caucuses, Obama, the Illinois senator, leads Clinton by more than 800,000 votes. Even if the New York senator wins by more than 20 percentage points tomorrow — a landslide few experts expect — she would still have a hard time catching him.

    Clinton needs "blowout numbers," says Peter Fenn, a Democratic consultant who isn't affiliated with either campaign. "The wheels would have to come off the Obama bus, and the engine would have to blow."

    Clinton supporters are saying that — if she wants a viable chance at winning superdelegate support — she needs to lead in either pledged delegates or the popular vote when the music stops and all the states (except Michigan and Florida, of course) have found a chair in June.

    To earn that split decision, though, Clinton would need a 25-point victory in Pennsylvania, plus 20-point wins in later contests in West Virginia, Kentucky and Puerto Rico. Even that scenario assumes Clinton, 60, would break even in Indiana, North Carolina, South Dakota, Montana and Oregon — a prospect that's not at all certain.

    "The analogy I would put out there is she has to have a near-perfect game in baseball," says [Chris Borick, director of the Muhlenberg College Institute of Public Opinion in Allentown]. "If she squeaks out a couple-point win, the math goes from bad to awful."

    Not so, says the Clinton campaign

    Pennsylvania is not about finishing close, Communications Director Howard Wolfson said. "It's about winning."

    Somehow, I had a feeling they were going to say that.

    Wolfson added that Obama is doing everything he can to win the race, outspending Clinton three to one (overall: $11.2 million to $4.8 million).

    "He has gone sharply negative, and he is doing this to knock us out of the race," Wolfson said. "And if he does not win it will again raise very serious questions among voters and superdelegates… that he can win big swing states like Pennsylvania." He added, "If Sen. Obama can't win a big swing state with that enormous spending advantage, just what will it take for him to win a large swing state?"

    Flawless, flawless logic indeed.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Florida, Hillary Clinton, Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Montana, North Carolina, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, South Dakota, West Virginia
  • Terminator Unit HRC-2008 Will Not Be Stopped

    Real Clear Politics gives three real clear reasons why Hillary Clinton might just pull out ahead of Barack Obama and win the Democratic nomination…

    1) Senator Obama's "problem" in regards to his long-time pastor is a real issue. Brian Ross' report Thursday on Good Morning America, and more importantly the surfacing of the incendiary video(s), make this an explosive subject that will not go quietly away.

    2) The very serious meltdown in the financial markets is likely to focus the country's attention on the health, stability and future of the American economy. Fairly or unfairly, Senator Clinton will benefit from her association with with Bill Clinton's administration in the prosperous Nineties, and that perceived experience on the economy will stand in stark contrast to Senator Obama's dearth of experience.

    3) The mostly unnoticed switch of Puerto Rico from a caucus on June 7 to a primary on June 1, gives Hillary Clinton a very real opportunity to surpass Barack Obama in the popular vote count. If Senator Clinton can "win" the popular vote, this will provide undecided superdelegates ample rationale to go with the less risky general election option of Senator Clinton.

    Not bad, but I think they missed a really obvious one…

    4) The Ancient One Morghthloth commands it, and He shall not be satiated otherwise, lest the whole of humanity surrender its blood for Him in which to bathe His seventy-thousand strong army of marble soldiers. (He's been a supporter of hers ever since the original Clinton administration.)

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Puerto Rico