American politics can get kind of exhausting, can't it? Sometimes it's nice to peer across the pond where the bobbies take the lift up to their flats to use the loo. Did you know that they have politics there, too? In fact, they're getting ready to have their first General Election since 2005. Here's some limey named Rich Johnston to wrap it all up for us.
It's off. The United Kingdom General Election has been announced. This morning Prime Minister of Great Britain And Northern Ireland, Gordon Brown (you know, the bloke who stepped in after Tony Blair decided he wanted to go on holiday) took a cab to Buckingham Palace this morning to see the Queen (she had a bit of a headache after a night partying on meow-meow) and ask her to dissolve Parliament (along with a couple of soluble aspirin) in readiness for a General Election on May 6th.
They say the past is a foreign country, people do things differently over there. Well Britain is a foreign country in the past. A modern democracy, it is tied into a feudal, monarchical system that it does its best to ignore yet never quite managing to. Just as America seems to value the interpreted opinions of the Founding Fathers over all — despite a number of them being racists, paedophiles and downright loons — so Britain looks to the Royal Family for all sorts of guidance, despite them being inbred German idiots.
But rather than the two-year campaign which seems to dominate presidential politics in the US, Britain gets those two years condensed down into a mere one month's notice. As if we were just an employee in a call centre — and that's not far from the truth. The Prime Minister can basically call a General Election any time he or she fancies, up to five years between. In theory, this enables the ruling party to choose the best time to hold an election to ensure their re-election. In practice, it means politicians eek it out, clinging to power until they are forced screaming from office in mad terror.
Tags: David Cameron, Gordon Brown, Indecision Internationale, Labour Party (UK), Nick Clegg, Queen Elizabeth, Tony Blair, United Kingdom
OMG! Have you heard that everybody in America is moving to New Hampshire all at once and that we're all gonna be neighbors?!
April Fools! That's not actually happening. (I got you so good! You were all like, "I'm moving to New Hampshire? But I haven't even had a chance to start packing.")
But, seriously. The Insane Clown Posse has taken over the entire world, and we now live in the One World Government that conspiracy theorists have long feared. No, really. Look, here's the proof. All of our world leaders are now Juggalos…
April Fools! That's just a Photoshopped image. I got you again! Man, you must be pretty embarrassed.
Tags: Barack Obama, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Muammar Qaddafi, New Hampshire, Pope Benedict XVI, Queen Elizabeth
This one goes out to all the Abraham Lincoln/Queen Elizabeth/origami/economic pornography fetishists out there. Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Don't say I never did anything for you. (Warning. This is maybe kinda NSFW perhaps.)
Really? Kim Jong Il? I'm not buying it.
Let's just say that I have my doubts about the North Korean wŏn's potency these days. That's all I'm saying.
Well, I'm an idiot. As a friend pointed out, that's Chairman Mao, not Kim Jon Il. Obviously.
And I'm sure that his potency is waaaaay better than Lincoln's these day. Now I totally see the attraction.
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Economy, Kim Jong Il, Money, North Korea, Queen Elizabeth, Sex, United Kingdom
After being introduced to the Queen of England earlier today, President Obama supposedly presented her with an iPod…
According to a White House aide, President Obama Tuesday night presented the Queen with the popular Apple device — reportedly complete with songs and video footage of the her 2007 trip to the United States.
What? Really? That's what heads of state give to make-believe heads of state as gifts? iPods? I gotta say, I really don't find that very impressive at all.
As for the Queen, she reportedly gave the Obamas a signed photograph of her and her husband, Prince Phillip, in a sliver frame, her standard gift to foreign dignitaries.
Oh, nevermind, I take that back. The iPod is like a fucking jewel-encrusted diamond hamburger compared to that.
I am never entering into a Secret Santa thing with either of those two.
Tags: Barack Obama, Queen Elizabeth, United Kingdom