Quote Unquote: Tina Fey's Sanity

Tina Fey on a dominating theme of this year's election…

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"If I have to listen to one more grey-faced man with a $2 haircut explain to me what rape is, I'm going to lose my mind!"

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I sure hope she's being hyperbolic, because there's still twelve whole days till the election. I think we might just lose her.

Quote Unquote: Half in the Bag

David Axelrod on the redness of North Carolina, Virginia, and Florida…

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"Anybody who thinks those states are in the bag is half in the bag themselves."

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That may be the case, but if you think North Carolina is going to tip toward Obama at this point then you are probably on some sort of strong hallucinogenic. Because, really, what is blue or red anyway? They're just illusions. Everything is an illusion. Oh my God, all of life is nothing more than a puff of illogical imagination emanating from David Axelrod's mustache?

When your really think about it, that's about as likely as Obama taking N.C.

Quote Unquote: Romnesia

Barack Obama unveils a new zinger…

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"I mean, [Mitt Romney]'s changing up so much and backtracking and sidestepping, we've got to name this condition that he's going through. I think it's called 'Romnesia,'"

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First of all, this is in direct violation of Comedy Central's Rule #1 for Winning the Millennial Vote. But, somehow, it seems to be catching on.

I'll bet that the Romney people are kicking themselves for thinking "sobamanambulism" was too corny to drop after that first debate.

Quote Unquote: Binders of Explanations

Rep. Paul Ryan on Mitt Romney's "binders of women" comment…

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"All he simply meant was that he went out of his way to try to recruit qualified women to serve in his administration when he was governor. That's really what he was saying."

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Fair enough. That makes sense to me. Somebody tell the Internet. Let them know they can stand down.

They're usually pretty good about those things. Reasonable bunch of people.

Quote Unquote: Ross Perot Endorses Mitt Romney

Ross Perot on Barack Obama and Mitt Romney…

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"President Obama promised a great deal. He has had his chance. The results are visible for all to see. It is time for a new beginning. It is time for Mitt Romney."

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I think he's doing this mainly because Romney favors his own presidential incentive payment plan.