March Madness: The Papal Names Tournament

With all the challenges facing the next pope, the last things he needs to do is worry about selecting his regnal name. That's why we've done the work for him (click to enlarge); selecting the best papal names of all time through the highly scientific process of saying all 80 previously-used titles aloud until somebody started giggling, "Ha ha, you said Pope RomANUS!"

Personally, I'm hoping for a Pope Sixtus VI.

Photo by Carsten Koall/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Catholic Church, Religion

Pat Robertson Solves the Sequester

Forget using "Jedi mind-melds" to resolve the sequester. Pat Robertson has a better idea:

God is going to supply a million dollars, somebody is praying right now, right this second, you’re praying for a million dollars and God said, 'I have heard your prayer, I know your need, and I'm going to supply the need that you requested,' it's done, in Jesus' name.

Sure, Robertson was talking about his viewers, who may have already won one million dollars in the Pearly Gates Publishers Sweepstakes, but there's no reason we can't adopt this strategy to fix our deficits.

We just need the Treasury Department to hire some hedge fund managers. God sure seems to love answering their prayers.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Economy, Money, Pat Robertson, Religion, Sequester

Michele Bachmann: Who Needs Feminism When We Have Jesus?

Praise be to the gods of comedy, she has risen!

Michele Bachmann has returned from a long stretch of silence to grace us with a speech at Patrick Henry College, where she touted the flawlessness of her failed presidential campaign:

"I was very proud of the fact that I didn't get anything wrong that I said during the course of the debates. I didn't get anything wrong and that's a huge arena," she said.

Okay, Michele. Show us how you don't get anything wrong.

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Tags: Feminism, Michele Bachmann, Religion, Women's Rights

Thursday Links: The Universe in 60 Seconds

* Memorize this video to impress people at parties.

* The full gamut of Britain's greatness.

* Spielberg pitches "Lincoln 2: Andrew Johnson."

* These historical markers have a message.

* If you love comedy and books, this list is for you.

* First, they came for our children's yoga program…

* The Probably Science Podcast talks about awesome science-y stuff.

* President Obama asks Kid President to promote the White House Easter egg hunt.

Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Barack Obama, Daily Links, Easter, Education, Meteor, Religion, Science & Technology, Steven Spielberg