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Rick Perry
  • Mitt Romney Gets Rick Perry's Sloppy Seconds Endorsement

    Back in January when Rick Perry dropped out of the GOP primary, he endorsed Newt Gingrich. But now that Newt's out of the race and Perry's no longer high on pain meds, the Texas governor has finally thrown his ten-gallon cowboy hat into the ring for Mitt Romney

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry endorsed Mitt Romney for president late Wednesday, his spokesman confirmed, making him the latest anti-establishment holdout to jump behind the presumptive nominee.

    "Today I join the many conservative Republicans across the nation in endorsing Mitt Romney for president and pledge to him, my constituents and the Republican Party I will continue to work hard to help defeat President Obama," Mr. Perry said in a statement first reported by Fox News.

    It remains unclear what role the Texas governor will play in the Romney campaign.

    Well, whatever role they let him play, hopefully they won't let him play with sharp objects. Maybe Perry's endorsement will give the Romney campaign the shot in the arm it really needs. If nothing else, Perry can at least give it a mandatory shot of the HPV vaccine.

    Some say it's strange for Perry to endorse Romney so late in the game, but considering it took him an eternity to name three departments of government, we shouldn't be surprised it only took him several months to endorse the actual nominee.

    Photo by Jonathan Gibby/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Fox News, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Texas
  • Politicians on 4/20

    It's 4/20, and that can mean only one thing. Time for a roundup of politicians who aren't stoned — but who look the part.

    Rick Perry won't rest until he tells you who REALLY controls America, man.

    * * *

    Joe Biden

    4/20 doesn't make everyone pretend to be a bird. Just Joe Biden.

    **

    See the entireĀ gallery here!

    Photos by Emmanuel Dunand – Staff/AFP/Getty Images and Jay L. Clendenin – Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Drugs, Herman Cain, Joe Biden, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul
  • Rick Perry Will Be Back (Maybe)

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry provides us all with hope for the future

    "2016 is way down the road," Perry said, "but I'll assure you one thing. If I decide to run for the presidency in 2016, I'll be in way before the summer of 2016, 2015 even."…

    "I love this country. As long as my health stays good, as it is, and my family is supportive, I'm certainly going to give it a good examination."

    2015 is a good two — or whatever that number after two is — years away from now, so Perry has plenty of time to discuss matters with God and his other political advisors.

    Obviously, this is all contingent on Obama being reelected in November. If Romney wins, that'd push the big decision off till 2020, which is, like, what? A billion years from now?

    Photo by Rainier Ehrhardt/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: 2016, Rick Perry
  • Rick Perry Was Drugged Up During Debates, Sang While Peeing

    Between his giggling, bizarre speeches and inability to count past two, Rick Perry did nothing to quell rumors that he was zonked on painkillers during the early phase of the GOP primary.

    And now, Perry's pain-pill habit has been confirmed by two of country's best political journalists

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry was operating under the influence of painkillers during Republican presidential debates earlier this election cycle, a new e-book by Mike Allen and Evan Thomas claims.

    It "became an open secret that he was using painkillers in sufficient dosages to keep him standing through the two-hour debates," according to "Inside the Circus," which was released on Tuesday.

    The Daily Caller first relayed the book's report of an incident, presumably prompted by pain medication, in which the "manager of a rival campaign" supposedly witnessed Perry belting out the lyrics to "I've Been Working on the Railroad" during a trip to the bathroom before an October debate.

    So, Rick Perry needed powerful narcotics to make it through the GOP debates. Guess what, Rick? You weren't the only one.

    And who doesn't sing folk songs while on the toilet? I'm sure Ron Paul belts out "There's Gold in Them Thar Hills!" at the urinal every now and then. Conservatives have a long history of letting loose in the men's room. Remember Larry "Wide Stance" Craig?

    Photo by Jonathan Gibby/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Debates, Drugs, Health, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Texas
  • Stephen Colbert on the Liberal Sliming of Pink Slime

    "Our beef now has so many hormones, it's a member of the transgender community." — Stephen Colbert

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    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.


    Tags: Food, Iowa, Kansas, Liberals, Rick Perry, Sam Brownback, Stephen Colbert, Terry Branstad, Texas, The Colbert Report, Video