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Rick Scott
  • Meet the Least Boring State in America

    You know what I love about Florida? It’s NEVER boring. Like NEVER.

    From the Miami man who ate another man’s face because he was free-basing bath salts (like you do), to bomb-lobbing wingnut/rhetoric-bot Allen West, to the ongoing Trayvon Martin tragedy with its toxic brew of racial acrimony and paranoia, the Sunshine State has occupied the headlines for months.

    No wonder: This is the state that gave us Hulk Hogan, Flo Rida and Gatorade. It's also home to Tom Petty and Ricky "Rose" Ross. For those of you who don't keep up with the news, Ross is the rapper so real they found a bloody corpse on his front lawn a couple of months back. What the hell? Florida is an enigma wrapped in terror wrapped in humidity. And I say this as someone who comes from Texas, the state that gave us Rick Perry and Vanilla Ice.

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    Tags: Florida, Indecision Delegates, Rick Scott, RNC, Voter Suppression
  • What Could Possibly Go Wrong in Florida's Voter Purge?

    As with most recent presidential elections, Florida's 29 electoral votes will be crucial to winning the White House. I see nothing that could undermine that state's historical commitment to clean, fair and uncontroversial democratic procedure

    Bill Internicola was born in Brooklyn, N.Y., 91 years ago and received a Bronze Star for fighting in the Battle of the Bulge during World War II, but according to the state of Florida he might not be a U.S. citizen. Internicola received a letter in May from the Broward County Supervisor of Elections office stating that it had received "information from the State of Florida that you are not a United States citizen; however you are registered to vote."

    The letter was part of a controversial state-led effort to rid the voter rolls of noncitizens.

    Who cares that he was born in New York and served in the U.S. Army? The U.S. of what? It'd be one thing if he'd defended the United States of Amercia. Besides this guy's questionable loyalties to someplace called "America," is there anything else in his record that should imperil his right to vote in an important swing state?

    Broward voting records show that Internicola registered in 1991 and has been a frequent voter — including the 2004 and 2008 presidential elections — and in at least a couple of municipal elections. He is a lifelong Democrat.

    What, they still let Democrats vote in Florida? At least Governor Rick Scott is on it, as his Division of Elections has created a ineligible voter list "dominated by Democrats, independents and Hispanics."

    For those who wonder how such a poorly designed voter purge can take place in a battleground state just months prior to a presidential election, the answer lies in simple economics. For years, we've been exporting democracy all over the world, from Iraq to Afghanistan to Libya. Some foreign policy hawks would like us to export democracy to Syria, good and hard. Unfortunately, give all that democratic goodness away has led to a supply problem — we're running a shortage of it at home.

    Tags: Florida, Rick Scott, Voter Suppression
  • If You Want to Bring a Gun to the RNC, It Better Be Real

    Good news, true-blooded patriotic American citizens, by whom I mean staunch Republicans. Lest you had any mislaid fears, concealed firearms (unless conservative homosexuals), will in fact be welcomed with open arms in downtown Tampa during this years Republican National Convention

    Florida Gov. Rick Scott has rejected a request from the Tampa mayor to prohibit the carrying of guns in downtown during the Republican National Convention this summer because it would infringe upon "sacred constitutional traditions," according to a letter released Wednesday…

    "It is at just such times that the constitutional right to self-defense is most precious and must be protected from government overreach," Scott wrote. "I am confident the many federal, state and local law enforcement agencies focused on the RNC will fully protect Floridians and visitors, without the need to resort to sweeping infringements on our most sacred constitutional traditions."

    I actually completely agree with Gov. Scott. I don't plan to carry a gun around with me when I'm in Tampa — mostly because it's not an Old West cattle-rustlin' town — but I don't see why my right to do so should be revoked simply because there's a political convention. That doesn't really make any sense. Plus, I don't think that guns, in the hands of licensed owners who have been properly vetted and trained, are all that big a threat.

    Things that look like guns but are not actually guns, on the other hand

    In the politically-charged and likely protest-filled streets of Tampa, Fla., during the Republican National Convention in August, water guns will be strictly prohibited.

    You can make a person wet with one of those things. Completely ruin a nice $500 fringed-suede coat. I don't like it! Too risky!

    Tags: Bill of Rights, Constitution, Florida, Guns, Republican National Convention, Rick Scott
  • From the Pork Barrel: Canada's War on Cleavage

    * Dangerous cleavage outbreak contained by Canadian government.

    * Rick Perry's Medicaid plan uncomfortably liked by Democrats.

    * Can Barack Obama win reelection without the janitor vote?

    * Turns out the reason Democrats can't win is because they're a third party.

    * Gary Johnson criticizes GOP debate audience, damaging chances of winning nomination.

    * Florida Gov. Rick Scott reads teleprompter joke off teleprompter screen.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, Democrats, Florida, Jewish, Medicaid, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Scott, Third Party
  • Herman Cain Wins Florida Straw Poll, Presidency

    No kidding, folks…

    In a stunning upset Saturday, Herman Cain won Florida's Presidency 5 straw poll, a vote of 2,657 Republican activists that in past years has predicated the party nominee.

    Cain, the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza who charmed the three-day Republican conference's delegates, took 37.1 percent of the vote, with Texas Gov. Rick Perry second with 15.4 percent.

    Aaaaand that's it, game over. Herman Cain is the presumptive GOP nominee. Oh, no, I'm not the one making this presumption. What do I know? Professional politicos like Florida governor Rick Scott were the ones making this presumption, just a couple days ago…

    "Whoever wins this straw poll on Saturday will be the Republican nominee and I believe the Republican nominee will be the next President," Scott said. "I really believe whoever wins this is going to be the next President."

    Sorry, did I say Herman Cain was the presumptive GOP nominee? Whoops! I meant he's the next president. Of the United States.

    And I'm 110% sure that as soon as Herman Cain becomes president, Rick Scott will have a very high-ranking cabinet position.

    Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Florida, Florida Straw Poll, Herman Cain, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Scott