From the Pork Barrel: Cthulhu/Dagon 2012

* This is starting to look more and more like a viable third-party option.

* You know, I'm pretty sure if The Old One dropped Dagon in favor of Chris Christie, he'd get William Kristol's endorsement.

* Gary Johnson remarkably desperate to keep his name associated with dog shit. Surprised he didn't choose Rick Santorum as his running mate last night.

* Florida Gov. Rick Scott fires 15,000 public employees to prove that "government doesn’t create jobs." Check and mate.

Tags: Chris Christie, Cthulhu, Debates, Florida, Gary Johnson, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Scott, Unemployment, William Kristol

Rick Scott May Reject Lousy Jobs-Plan Money

Florida governor/Voldermort impersonator Rick Scott has a problem.

Not only is he one of the country's least-popular state executives, his latest plan to save Florida from the scourge of welfare queen drug addicts boost the profits of his wife's drug testing firm backfired when "ninety-six percent [of welfare recipients] proved to be drug free — leaving the state on the hook to reimburse the cost of their tests."

But have no fear! He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named didn't get where he is today without having a back-up plan for screwing the unemployed poors…

Gov. Rick Scott and top Florida Republicans are sending early signals they could reject the billions in federal aid that could flow to the state under President Barack Obama's jobs proposal.

Florida has a 10.7 percent unemployment rate that is higher than the national average. But Scott and GOP legislative leaders said the plan outlined by President Barack Obama was too similar to the nearly $800 billion stimulus package that was approved by Congress back in 2009.

Maybe I'm being too hard on the Dark Lord the governor. Perhaps this is exactly the kind of common sense business strategy that America needs to emulate:

Step one: Reject federal aid that could create 60,000 jobs in Florida.

Step two: ….

Step three: Morning in the Sunshine State!

After all, it's the same three-point plan Scott and the GOP-controlled legislature pursued in combating cancer, HIV and teenage pregnancy…

Gov. Rick Scott and the Republican-led Legislature have rejected or declined to pursue more than $106 million in federal grant money and returned $4.5 million for programs linked to federal health care initiatives, including cancer prevention, leading critics to say Scott is putting his conservative agenda ahead of residents' needs.

Scott ordered state agencies to reject any money tied to President Barack Obama's health care plan, which Florida is challenging in court. But Scott kept more than $13 million for a four-year abstinence education grant and for another program coordinating background checks for long-term care workers.

See? First you reject any money that may have been tainted by the President's Marxist hands (Voldy can't have any interaction with the Chosen One, after all). Then… cancer goes away, right?

Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Florida, Health Care, Money, Republicans, Rick Scott, Unemployment

Race the Top of Florida's Mt. Haggard

It appears as though the two candidates for the GOP's gubernatorial nomination in Florida are currently battling over who loves gays more. Hey, that's kind of sweet, huh?

Except, no, it's not. It's the exact opposite…

The Republican candidates for governor in Florida are currently in the midst of accusing each other of being pro-gay, with Rick Scott blasting Bill McCollum for his ties to "pro-homosexual rights" Rudy Giuliani. McCollum aides fired back to the St. Petersburg Times the information that Scott invests in a Latino social-networking site, QuePasa.com, that (like, say, Facebook) includes gay groups.

"You love gays more!" "No, you totally love them more!" "You love them so much you want to be the governor Iowa so you can gay marry them all." "Well, you love them so much that you're an openly homophobic conservative bigot."

Point and match.

(Photo via)

Tags: Florida, Haggard's Law, LGBT, Republicans, Rick Scott