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Robert Byrd
  • Robert Byrd and Ted Kennedy Both Fall Ill

    It's confirmed. Both senators Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd were taken out of Barack Obama's first lunch for medical reasons

    Ted Kennedy was taken out of the Statuary Hall luncheon after suffering an apparent seizure — a few minutes after Sen. Robert Byrd was removed in his wheelchair under the supervision of medical personnel…

    Byrd was conscious and had been having trouble eating, according to a witness.

    Kennedy, who underwent brain cancer surgery last year, was taken to the Rayburn room after suffering an apparent convulsion before being rushed to a hospital, House officials told our Patrick O'Connor.

    Seriously, what are the odds?

    Byrd's a Republican, so that almost seems like a good omen for Obama. But, then again, Kennedy's a Democrat, so that could be inauspicious for Obama.

    I guess we'll have to wait and see which one is sicker to find out whether we're gonna have six more weeks of winter or not.

    In all seriousness, let's hope everything's okay with both men.

    Update: Hold the presses. It now looks like Sen. Byrd is fine

    A report Tuesday afternoon that U.S. Sen. Robert C. Byrd had collapsed at a luncheon for new President Barack Obama was incorrect, a Byrd official said.

    Unconfirmed rumor that Byrd had to be taken out of the room because he was so upset about Kennedy. No idea if that's true.

    Update 2: As a couple smart people correctly pointed out in the comments, Robert Byrd is a Democrat, and I am an idiot. Thanks for correcting me and pointing out the obvious.

    Sorry about that. Had a brain mis-firing. For some reason, I always confuse Dixiecrat former Klansmen with Republicans. No idea why.

    Tags: Edward Kennedy, Inauguration, Robert Byrd, Senate
  • Robert Byrd Scandalously Replaced By a Man 8/9ths His Age

    Talk about ageism! Discriminatory Senators apparently decided that West Virginia Democrat Robert C. Byrd was simply too old for his post as Chairman of the powerful Appropriations Committee. So they forced him out and replaced him with a much younger man.

    Who's only 84!

    Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-W.Va.), 90, the longest-serving senator in U.S. history, announced yesterday that he is stepping down as chairman of the Appropriations Committee, one of the most powerful panels on Capitol Hill.

    Byrd, whose penchant for steering billions of dollars to his state made him a legend at home and in the Senate, will relinquish his gavel under pressure from Democratic leaders who believe he has become too frail to continue in such an important job.

    Sen. Daniel K. Inouye (D-Hawaii), 84, the second-ranking Democrat on the panel for decades, is expected to succeed Byrd as chairman.

    This whippersnapper Inouye may think that he is the bee's knees, but he needs to learn some respect for his elders. That young hotshot probably doesn't even remember the Coolidge Administration!

    Now, Byrd may have resigned by choice. But the pederast Democratic leadership certainly backed him into a corner with unhelpful accusations that…

    * He sleeps through Senate proceedings, even when the leader is speaking.

    * His now frequent religious outbursts are way archaic; today's hip young Senators are all about praise metal.

    * He's developed a nasty recurring habit of nearly dying.

    Well hopefully the Senate knows what they're getting themselves into. Just remember that back when Daniel Inouye was still in diapers, Robert Byrd was valiantly serving his country as a kindergarten student.

    Fortunately for West Virginians who are concerned that Byrd's name doesn't grace enough public works, the nine-term Senator will keep his seat on the Appropriations Committee, even if he's not the chairman anymore.

    And fortunately for Americans who voted against John McCain last week because they thought he was far too young for the presidency, Byrd will continue to serve as President Pro Tempore of the Senate, putting him fourth in line for the Oval Office!

    Tags: Robert Byrd, Senate, West Virginia
  • Harry Reid Sharpens His Axe For Robert Byrd, Joe Lieberman

    It's a Democratic year, but not so much for turncoats and geriatrics. Roll Call, the newspaper of Capitol Hill, is reporting that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) may have some demotions up his sleeve when the next Congress is sworn in…

    Reid is under pressure from his rank and file to strip the gavels from Appropriations Chairman Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.) and Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Chairman Joe Lieberman (ID-Conn.).

    Byrd, who will turn 91 next month, has been physically unable to perform some duties associated with doling out nearly a third of the federal budget, while Lieberman’s decisions not just to endorse Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) for president but also to go on the attack against Democratic nominee Sen. Barack Obama (Ill.) has made him a turncoat in many Democrats’ eyes.

    The party's case against Byrd…

    * He has been in and out of the hospital all year, sending aides to handle much of his business as chairman.

    * His increasingly frequent religious outbursts have given the Senate all the decorum of a tent revival.

    * We all know Reid is boring, but did Byrd really have to sleep through his speech about the troops?

    The case against Lieberman…

    * He ripped Barack Obama at the Republican Convention after explicitly promising not to.

    * He used his recent interview with right-wing to advocate more Bill Ayers campaign references and to suggest that he may defect to the Republican Party.

    * It is physically impossible to caucus with the Democrats when you are across the room, wedged halfway up John McCain's ass.

    Even if the two men are stripped of their committee chairmanships, Reid will undoubtedly put them to good use. Lieberman could be asked to further denigrate all that he stands for by barnstorming right-wing megachurches and appearing in their Passion Plays.

    Byrd, meanwhile, could be dispatched to drought-ravaged plains states to patriotically drool on parched agriculture.

    You know, it might be a good year for all Democrats after all.

    Tags: Connecticut, Harry Reid, Joe Lieberman, Nevada, Robert Byrd, Senate, West Virginia
  • Robert Byrd's Fiddle Inducted Into Hall of Fame

    The West Virginia Music Hall of Fame can throw its Stradivarius into the fire. To the delight of music-lovers worldwide, Sen. Robert C. Byrd has donated his favorite fiddle to the Hall's collection…

    "Music has always been an important part of West Virginia's culture – and certainly an important part of my own life," Byrd said… "I'm proud to have one of my fiddles become part of the West Virginia Music Hall of Fame's permanent collection… This fiddle has brought me much joy and pleasure over the years, and comfort during trying times."

    This is a beautiful gesture by a legendary statesman. Byrd follows in the great tradition of Nero as a lawmaker who understands that government and fiddling are not mutually exclusive.

    And hopefully the Senator's philanthropy doesn't stop with his fiddle. He can further honor his heritage with donations to…

    * The Filibuster Hall of Fame.

    * The White Robe Hall of Fame.

    * The Unread Book Hall of Fame.

    And of course…

    * The Naptime Hall of Fame.

    Tags: Robert Byrd, Senate, West Virginia
  • Welcome Back, Clinton!


    Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    Home Sweet Home! Well, it's finally over. The voters have voted, the superdelegates have committed, and Terry McAuliffe has been put back in cold storage for Chelsea's presidential bid. And the results are now clear: Barack Obama goes on to five more months of choking down swing-state diner food, while Hillary Clinton returns home to the U.S. Senate.

    Of course the Senate is a veritable retirement home for failed presidential candidates. You might say it's the spleen of the federal government. Knowing this, the Senate Pages will now reveal how our old bosses plan to greet Hillary upon her return:

    *Joe Lieberman (I-CT) — Congratulate Clinton on her "two-way tie for first."

    *Robert Byrd (D-WV) — Mistakenly assume Clinton has died and weep on the Senate floor.

    *Harry Reid (D-NV) — Using powers as Majority Leader, appoint Clinton to chair the Senate Select Subcommittee on Menopause.

    *Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX), Barbara Boxer (D-CA), and Olympia Snowe (R-ME) — Rattail Clinton in the girls’ locker room and make her sing the French National Anthem.

    *Claire McCaskill (D-MO ) — Stare straight ahead and keep walking.

    *Jim Bunning (R-KY) — Confide in Hillary that he always thought Obama was limp-wristed and looked like one of Saddam Hussein's sons.

    *Ron Wyden (D-OR) — Use Hillary's newly lowered self-esteem as his chance to ask her out.

    *Mike Gravel (D-AK, retired) — Phone in a bomb threat to the Capitol.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Barbara Boxer, Claire McCaskill, Congressional Confidential, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton, Jim Bunning, Joe Lieberman, Mike Gravel, Olympia Snowe, Robert Byrd, Ron Wyden