Who Killed "The Kennedys" Miniseries?

The History Channel's miniseries on the Kennedy Family is grassy knoll-onger scheduled to be aired, and it most likely won't be coming back (and to the left)…

After the jump, President Obama secretly receives classified award for excellence in transparency.

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Tags: Aasif Mandvi, Barack Obama, History Channel, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, John Kennedy, Jon Stewart, Liberals, Robert Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, Television, The Daily Show, Video

From the Pork Barrel: More Cowbell from the White House?

* Somebody at the White House is obviously less than a million years old.

* John Oliver is the Usain Bolt of making fun of Glenn Beck.

* Remembering the Kennedy boys: Who was the most do-able?

* Behind every great Massachusetts politician is about 800 or 900 women.

* Keith Olbermann's quest to become the liberal Bill O'Reilly is going exactly according to plan.

* But do these conservative politicians really love Chuck Norris for Chuck Norris?

Tags: Alabama, Chuck Norris, Edward Kennedy, Glenn Beck, John Kennedy, John Oliver, Keith Olbermann, Massachusetts, MSNBC, Robert Kennedy, Sex, Twitter, White House

The New York Times Brings You to Obituary-Writing School

Here's an interesting point about Ted Kennedy, his long life and his long career from his New York Times' obit….

"He was a quintessential Kennedy, in the sense that he had all the warts as well as all the charisma and a lot of the strengths," said Norman J. Ornstein, a political scientist at the American Enterprise Institute.

"If his father, Joe, had surveyed, from an early age up to the time of his death, all of his children, his sons in particular, and asked to rank them on talents, effectiveness, likelihood to have an impact on the world, Ted would have been a very poor fourth. Joe, John, Bobby… Ted.

"He was the survivor," Mr. Ornstein continued. "He was not a shining star that burned brightly and faded away. He had a long, steady glow."

So, Ted Kennedy's greatest strength was his ability to not get himself killed in war or assassinated at an early age? Am I wrong, or is that the takeaway message from that quote?

Now, I'm not a fancy New York Times obituary writer, but — to my crude non-obituary-writing ears — that seems like kind of shitty thing to say about a person who just died.

But I guess that's why the New York Times never did hire me to write obituaries for them. (Though, I'm still holding out hope that my resume slipped between the desk and the wall.)

Tags: Assassinations, Edward Kennedy, John Kennedy, New York Times, Robert Kennedy

The Kennedy Boys Are Back Together Again

How do you say "Ugh!" in Massachusettsese?

Look! It's John Kennedy! Oooo! And there's Bobby Kennedy! And over there, isn't that Other Guy Kennedy? Wow! They've all come to get Teddy and bring him on one final sailing voyage, a sailing voyage into the sky…

So, what do you think? Did Jeff Danziger have this masterpiece of bittersweetousity sitting in the top drawer of his desk, just waiting for Kennedy to go? Every morning he'd check the news to see if today was they day. Or was he so blown away by the news of Kennedy's passing that he was moved to sit down and start drawing, unaware of what might flow forth from his cartooning pen, as happily surprised by the resulting piece of brilliant art as we all are?

Personally, I like to think that when Danziger awoke this morning, he found the cartoon sitting at the foot of his bed, a the faint whiff of fine Irish whiskey in the air.

Tags: Edward Kennedy, John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy

The Onion: Obama Depressed, Distant Since 'Battlestar Galactica' Series Finale

I hope this doesn't interfere with G-20 negotiations…

According to sources in the White House, President Barack Obama has been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn ever since last month's two-hour series finale of Battlestar Galactica.

"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"…

In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.

I hear Jimmy Carter went through a similar funk when the original Battlestar Galactica went off the air in 1979. Same with Lyndon B. Johnson after F Troop was canceled and John Kennedy after he and his brother Bobby orchestrated Marilyn Monroe's "accidental" overdose.

Those Democrats sure do get attached to their little distractions, don't they?

Tags: Barack Obama, Battlestar Galactica, Jimmy Carter, John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Robert Kennedy, The Onion