From the Pork Barrel: Truth Is Not Hate, But I'm Pretty Sure Hate Is Hate

* New governor Dan Sullivan bravely vetoes Prop 64, ensuring Alaskans' right discriminate against the gays.

* Twitter beat:  "I'm thinking of showing up to a gun rally with the proposed health care bill strapped to my waist." – Gonzalo

* Matt Taibbi quotes Cheese Wagstaff: "This is some shameless shit right here."

* Exactly what kind of pornography is Fox News's Gretchen Carlson familiar with? And does hers usually have a "public option"?

* Bob Novak truly has gone off to a better place.

Robert Novak Is Writing Angry Op-Eds About the Angels Now

I just read that Robert Novak — conservative columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times and non-invitee to Plame-Wilson dinner parties — has unfortunately succumbed to the cancer that he was diagnosed with about a year ago.

They say that you should not speak ill of the dead.

So, um, uh… I'm really looking forward to the beginning of football season.

Shark Week Sharktacular!: Goblin Shark or Robert Novak?

Can you tell the difference between the Goblin Shark and conservative columnist Robert Novak?

a) Usually found in the deepest depths beneath the Earth's surface, far below where the sun's light can penetrate.

b) Very little is known about its history or reproductive habits.

c) Has GOP-leaning tendencies, though — due to disagreements with mainstream Republicans and neoconservatives on such issues as the war in Iraq — is often considered a libertarian or paleoconservative.

d) Attained the rank of lieutenant in the U.S. Army during the Korean War.

e) Its liver is exceptionally large, sometimes making up nearly 25% of its body weight.

f) Outed Valerie Plame as a CIA agent in a 2003 column, reported the information was provided to him by two "senior administration officials."

g) Hunts by sensing the presence of prey with electro-sensitive organs in its snout.

h) Bears a striking resemblance to a goblin.

Answers after the jump.

a – both; b – Goblin Shark; c – Novak; d – Novak; e – Goblin Shark; f – Novak; g – Goblin Shark; h – both

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Conservative Pundit Robert Novak Hits Insurgent Pedestrian with Freedom Car

Robert Novak — political pundit known for leaning so right that he's mostly wrong — slammed his black Corvette into a person — who was, in all likelyhood, some kind of a terrorist or hippy or something — who was walking seditiously and treasonously along the street this morning.

And — most likely because he was busy offering ablutions to the president — he never even noticed…

Novak is known for being an aggressive driver, telling the Washington Post's Reliable Source column back in 2001, "I really hate jaywalkers. I despise them. Since I don't run the country, all I can do is yell at 'em. The other option is to run 'em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that."

Well, he never really was that compassionate a conservative anyway, was he?

Roll Call: Cracked Wide Open

• Hackers treat voting machines like we treated your mom last night.

• Newt Gingrich predicts spike in anger amongst racist misogynists.
• Prime Minister Gordon Brown still using Tony Blair's note cards.
• Sam Brownback wanders fairgrounds asking for change, leftover hotdogs.
• Columnist/pundit Robert Novak gets some good news.