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Robots Are Dope!
  • Human-Like Robot Now Leads GOP Field with 24 Percent

    According to a new study out today, it appears as though scientists have successfully tweaked a primitive form of artificial intelligence that is capable of recording policy positions and talking points aurally and — utilizing simulated facial expressions to mimic emotion — repeating them back in a near-human-like voice to the point that it can gain the support of nearly a full quarter of Republicans voters

    Nearly a quarter of Republicans — 24 percent — named Romney as their candidate of choice to face off in the 2012 presidential election against President Obama, according to a new USA Today/Gallup poll. That's a seven-point bounce for Romney since late May, when Gallup last tested Republicans' preference for a nominee.

    Despit expectations, this experiment is proving to be more successful than the strain of virus, released three years ago, which was designed to cause its host to cease reasoning in the brain and devote its energies toward toward the secretion of bile and fear pheromones…

    Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R), who hasn't entered the race and has offered few clues about whether she intends to do so, checks in as the GOP's second choice. Sixteen percent of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents said they'd prefer Palin as the nominee.

    I can't wait to see which one is made ready for the destruction of civilization first!

    Photo By Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

    Tags: Mitt Romney, Polls, Primaries, Republicans, Robots Are Dope!, Sarah Palin, Science & Technology
  • This Week on The Colbert Report: Tom Ridge & Werner Herzog

    By Margaret Shin

    On the Colbert Report tonight, Stephen talks artsy shmartsy with Werner Herzog, renowned filmmaker and director of Cave of Forgotten Dreams, a documentary about art found in a remote cave in France. Antiques Roadshow, step aside s'il vous plait.

    Then tomorrow, Stephen talks sweet with Sugar Ray Leonard, partially because Mr. Ray has a new book out called The Big Fight, and because Mr. Ray is a rather large pugilist.

    Then Wednesday night, Stephen talks invention with Bre Pettis, founder of Makerbot, a company that makes robots that makes things. Robot style dance-off to follow.

    Lastly on Thursday night, Stephen talks seriously with Tom Ridge, former director of Homeland Security. Serious robot style dance-off to follow. Here's Ridge from his last visit to the set of The Daily Show…

    The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11/10c.

    Tags: Books, Homeland Security, Jon Stewart, Movies, Pennsylvania, Robots Are Dope!, Science & Technology, Sports, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Tom Ridge, Video
  • What’s Threatening Our Existence This Week? Patriot Act Extension Signed By President Barack Obama Future Robot Overlord


    Better get used to that sound ladies and gentlemen because by the time the next presidential election gets here, that's what your candidates will probably sound like

    President Obama used an autopen to renew the [Patriot Act] on Thursday, raising some eyebrows with the mechanical surrogate. Obama was in France when he authorized the signing just before a midnight expiration deadline. It followed a House vote of 250-153.

    First developed 200 years ago by British inventor John Isaac Hawkins, autopens are machines that trace engraved signatures and are often used to sign cards and letters sent by the White House. But last week's signature seems to be the first use of the device to sign something into law.

    The decision to use the autopen was apparently based on a 2005 Justice Department memo that concluded "the president need not personally perform the physical act of affixing his signature to a bill to sign it."

    Now, it’s scary enough to find out a machine that was NOT elected president (even though I voted for it) is filling in for Obama while he’s on vacay, but THEN the White House has to go and add the part about the machine being "only used with proper authorization of the President."

    WHAT? Who said it was being used without the President’s authorization? What’s going on here? Is the Obama Administration trying to tell us something?

    I believe they are.

    You see, as real Obama’s approval ratings and reelection dreams have become more and more dependent upon the actual results of his presidency, it stands to reason that the White House has created Robama (Robot Obama) in an effort to shift blame for poor policy decisions onto someone other than the president himself. Which makes sense because clearly the only thing better than blaming Obama for all of America's problems is blaming a robot for all of America's problems.

    But with the rise of Robama comes a number of questions that will need to be answered. Questions like: Where was Robama born? Japan? If so, is legislation Robama signs even valid? Is there a Robiden (Robot Joe Biden)? And if so, when Robama and Obama eventually have a duel to the death on the top of a skyscraper, will Real Joe Biden, Robiden or Robama be sworn in as President?

    Most importantly, however, is the question of whether America is even ready for a Robot President.

    Frankly, I don't think we're going to have a lot of say in the matter as our weak doughy bodies are no match for Robama's titanium exoskeleton and built in "Heads of States" decapitator, but for the sake of argument let's look at the Pros & Cons…

    Pros of Robot President

    * Looks as good leaving office as day elected

    * Appeals to non-human demographic, such as voting machines

    * Quells fears America is no longer strong

    * Can fly himself around world, no need for costly and environmentally unfriendly Air Force One

    * Already has a built-in teleprompter

    * Not interested in having affairs with Interns

    * Can do "The Robot" at State Dinner

    * Not a black person


    Cons of Robot President

    * Campaign Handshake feature has a bug, hands will be crushed

    * Rusts

    * Most likely bent on human destruction

    As you can see, the only real "Con" is that a Robot President would be bent on the destruction of the human race. However, since the Republicans & Democrats have practically assured that already by not passing affordable health care and comprehensive environmental protections, do we really have anything to lose?

    Tags: Barack Obama, Patriot Act, Robots Are Dope!, Science & Technology
  • From the Pork Barrel: Serious Journalism!

    * "Have you ever stayed at a Holiday Inn?" and other tough questions Donald Trump had to face from serious journalist Meghan McCain.

    * Andrew Breitbart's Big Journalism wonders allowed "What if the Birthers Are Right?" Also, totally thinks the birthers are right.

    * Libya under attack from bloodthirsty flying robots.

    * Looks like the only people who like Sarah Palin less than Alaskans is everybody else.

    * Idaho Gov. Butch Otter puts down foot, vows to protect constituents from dangerous medical care.

    Tags: Alaska, Andrew Breitbart, Barack Obama, Birthers, Butch Otter, Health Care, Idaho, Libya, Meghan McCain, Polls, Pork Barrel, Robots Are Dope!, Sarah Palin
  • Tworld News: Week of February 22, 2011

    Between Tworld News and Tweet the Press with Witstream, your dream of a Twirlfriend suddenly seems plausible.

    Hope everyone had a lovely day off despite the shameless commercialization of all American Holidays — who's for a petition to put Christ back in Presidents Day?

    Crisis averted; anybody who's anybody knew this whole 'turmoil in the Middle East' thing was a fluke.

    Read More »

    Tags: AOL, Donald Trump, Egypt, Huffington Post, Internet, Music, Rick Santorum, Robots Are Dope!, Sarah Palin, Tworld News