Rod Blagojevich Lands F**kin' Golden Prison Gig

You all thought that former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was down for the count, didn't you? But what you failed to account for was the unsinkable Blagojevich spirit!

The former Illinois governor began serving his 14-year sentence for corruption in March at Englewood, a low-security facility in Littleton, Colo., and spent his early days inside working in the kitchen washing pots and pans six days a week. But those days of drudgery are over — he's finally been bumped up to a coveted library position, his former defense attorney Sam Adam Jr. told WBBM Newsradio this weekend.

"He's either in the library, or just about to get in the library," Adam said.

You can't keep a guy like this down. Today he's shelving books, next week he might be keeping books in the laundry. And after that, who knows?! Is it too much to assume that we might be looking at a future warden's assistant?

I don't think so. This guy has the goods!

Photo by Frank Polich/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Books, Crime, Rod Blagojevich

From the Pork Barrel: Jon Huntsman to Speak at DNC

* Looks like Jon Huntsman is in the final stages of molting into the Joe Lieberman of the GOP. Take note of how he will now begin storing unused integrity in his jowls.

* Apparently Rod Blagojevich thought he could get sex from Halle Berry in exchange for a Senate seat. Say what you will about the guy, but at least he was actively working to create jobs.

* Evangelical historian David Barton's new book The Jefferson Lies is getting pulled from shelves by the publisher due to findings that it's a bit too light on the Jefferson and heavy on the Lies.

* Download our free iPhone and iPad app Indecision Election Companion and jump up into the the Peanut Gallery — our liveblog/instant reaction arena — to watch and respond with us as Newt Gingrich talks about post-colonial imperialism or pre-Raphaelitian agnosticism or who even knows what on CBS's Face the Nation this Sunday morning.

Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Books, David Barton, Democratic National Convention, Jon Huntsman, Pork Barrel, Rod Blagojevich, Senate, Sex

Rod Blagojevich Sentenced to 14 Years in Federal Prison

Rod Blagojevich — who earlier today admitted his own guilt in a burlap sack full of federal charges levied against him — was just handed a sentence that is pretty much the polar opposite of "fuckin' golden"…

Disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich was sentenced Wednesday to 14 years in prison after he made a final plea for leniency, acknowledging his guilt and saying, “I am unbelievably sorry.”

“I believe he did, in fact, accept [responsibility],” U.S. District Judge James Zagel said in announcing how long Blagojevich should spend in prison after being convicted of 18 corruption charges that included attempting to sell or trade an appointment to fill the U.S. Senate seat left vacant by the election of President Barack Obama.

Well, you know how these things go. Especially with reality TV stars. 14 years. That'll probably get bumped down to seven or eight months.

Blagojevich will have to surrender Feb. 16. Under federal sentencing rules, Blagojevich will have to serve 85 percent of his sentence, or just under 12 years in prison, at a minimum. The ex-governor turns 55 on Saturday.

Oooooohhhhh… Maybe that's why he was always telling people that he was innocent. That makes a lot more sense than my old theory, which was that he is a transdimensional manifestation of a quantum being who exists outside of fixed reality.

Though, I still think that's a likely possibility.

Photo by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Crime, Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, Senate

Our Endorsements: Patton Oswalt Talks Hysterical Homophobia

 

* Patton Oswalt discusses Bachmann and Santorum's homophobia, on Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

* President Obama is a gaffe factory, from The Onion.

* Herman Cain may have gone up in flames, but he'll pass the comedy torch to Rick Perry (Jimmy Kimmel, via HuffPo Comedy).

* Blagojevich is in the news again, so it's time trot out this hilarious McSweeney's post.

* MoveOn.org goes straight to trash on Funny or Die.

* A Family Guy writer  gets arrested at Occupy L.A, and it's not funny. Yet.

Tags: Barack Obama, Daily Links, Funny, Herman Cain, Jimmy Kimmel, Keith Olbermann, Michele Bachmann, MoveOn, Occupy Wall Street, Patton Oswalt, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Rod Blagojevich, The Onion

Rod Blagojevich Admits He Was Guilty After All

Turns out that — despite many completely plausible and rambling protestations of his innocence — former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is, in fact, guilty of trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat…

Ousted Gov. Rod Blagojevich told a federal judge at his sentencing hearing this morning that he accepts his guilt and is sorry…

Blagojevich's attorneys admitted for the first time Tuesday that he's guilty of corruption, but said the sentence of 15 to 20 years prosecutors want is too harsh.

And here I had taken him at his word this whole time. I feel like such a fool.

Today, I have lost a piece of my innocence.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Crime, Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, Senate