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Tworld News: Week of June 7, 2011
Your world, tweeted. With more funny people. And less meetings.
I suppose anyone who's had the thought, "I should be in charge of America," and actually went through with it is probably a dick in some capacity.
Until we meet a Glenn…
Tags: Barack Obama, Founding Fathers, Fox, Glenn Beck, Illinois, John Quincy Adams, John Wayne Gacy, LGBT, Mark Halperin, Marriage Equality, Michele Bachmann, Music, New York, Pope Benedict XVI, Primaries, Republicans, Rod Blagojevich, Sarah Palin, Tom Petty, Twitter, Tworld News -
Rod Blagojevich Found Innocent of Three Things
Big news today from Illinois, the state in which Abraham Lincoln sold senate appointments out of his log cabin…A federal jury today convicted former Gov. Rod Blagojevich on 17 of 20 counts, finding he brazenly abused the powers of his office in a series of attempted shakedowns captured on undercover government recordings…
Blogojevich spoke briefly as he and his wife left the federal courthouse. "Patti and I are obviously very disappointed," he said at a bank of microphones. "I frankly am stunned." The two then walked to a waiting car as some in the crowd booed.
Blagojevich was convicted on all 11 counts on the sale of the U.S. Senate and all three counts on the shakedowns of Children’s Memorial Hospital and a racetrack executive.
You see, people? He was only convicted of 17 out of 20 things. That means that there are three things that is is innocent of. And you didn't believe him when he told you he was an innocent man. Well, don't you feel stupid now?
Blagojevich has been vindicated! He'll be laughing all the way to the jail! Hahahahahahaha!
Check out Rob Balgojevich's classic unedited extended interview from The Daily Show after the jump.
Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Crime, Illinois, Rod Blagojevich -
Rod Blagojevich Attempts Jedi Mind Trick on Federal Judge
Nice try, disgraced former Gov. Blagojevich. Nice try…A federal judge in Chicago says he doesn't think a motion by former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich to cancel his upcoming retrial is serious and so he declined to formally rule on it…
The impeached governor's attorneys filed the motion this month asking the judge to forgo a second corruption trial and proceed straight to sentencing on his lone conviction from his first trial.
Hey, 99 times out of 100, a federal judge isn't gonna go for a stunt like this.
But, man, life's all about living for that 100th time.
Tags: Illinois, Rod Blagojevich -
Illinois LGBT Community Wins Hospital Visits!
Nearly lost in the hoopla over that small Egyptian event is the fact that the gays have a big reason to party in Illinois!Governor Pat Quinn on Monday made Illinois the 16th U.S. state to give spousal rights to same-sex couples by signing into law a measure allowing civil unions.
Both houses of the Illinois legislature narrowly passed the measure that takes effect in July, though it does not alter a state law that limits marriage to a man and a woman.
Alright, it ain’t full marriage, but still! Gays and lesbians will get all sort of new rights regarding stuff like “hospital visitation, making health-care decisions, and matters concerning probate of a partner's estate.”
Congratulations to Illinois gays, and here are our suggestions for a few Illinois-appropriate civil union receptions/parties…
1. Served bootlegged liquor at your reception. Guests dressed as Al Capone get an open bar; everybody else has to pay twice as much or risk getting his/her knees broken.
2. Ask One True Mayor-for-Life Rahm Emanuel to perform your ceremony. Sure, he just barely sneaked onto the ballot and he hasn't actually been elected yet, but when has that stopped any powerful Chicago politician from getting things done? As a bonus, you'll have the pleasure of hearing your officiant say, "Do you, [insert your name], take this mutha#$%@!r to be your civilly-wedded husband? YOU F&%^ing better say yes, you son of a bitch!"
3. Make Rod Blagojevich a bridesmaid. Seriously, that guy will do anything these days. Have you seen his pistachio commercial?
Tags: Chicago, Illinois, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Rahm Emanuel, Rod Blagojevich -
The 2011 Biggest Douchebag Awards – The Nominees
Every year, starting about five minutes ago, we at Indecision choose a handful of lucky nominees for a handful of categories to be in the running for the very prestigious Biggest Douchebag Awards. This year, we are lucky to find ourselves being sponsored by Denis Leary's brand new, soon-to-drop Comedy Central special Douchebags & Donuts, which coincidentally has the word "douchebags" in its title. Synchronicity!
Here are the nominees. You choose the winners!
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The Biggest Douchebag in the Republican Party
More nominees after the jump.
Denis Leary's Douchebags & Donuts premiers on Comedy Central Sunday, January 16 at 10pm / 9c.
Tags: Ben Nelson, Bill Maher, Eric Cantor, Glenn Beck, Harry Reid, Hugo Chavez, Iran, Italy, James Carville, Joe Barton, John Edwards, John McCain, Juan Williams, Karl Rove, Keith Olbermann, Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Michael Moore, Michele Bachmann, Michelle Malkin, North Korea, Pat Robertson, Rahm Emanuel, Rod Blagojevich, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Silvio Berlusconi, Venezuela, Zimbabwe
