Quote Unquote: Ross Perot Endorses Mitt Romney

Ross Perot on Barack Obama and Mitt Romney…

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"President Obama promised a great deal. He has had his chance. The results are visible for all to see. It is time for a new beginning. It is time for Mitt Romney."

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I think he's doing this mainly because Romney favors his own presidential incentive payment plan.

Tags: Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Quote Unquote, Ross Perot

Quote Unquote: Bush Sr. on Perot

George H.W. Bush on 1992 third party presidential candidate Ross Perot…

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"I think he cost me the election, and I don't like him."

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Ironically, that's pretty much Ross Perot's most endearing quality.

Tags: 1992, George H.W. Bush, Quote Unquote, Ross Perot, Third Party

Barack Obama Will Almost Certainly Definitely Maybe Lose in 2012 (Unless He Doesn't)

A brand new poll from CNN shows some pretty dour numbers for President Obama's 2012 chances for reelection…

With less than a year to go till the Iowa caucus on February 6, 2012, the conventional wisdom is that President Obama is vulnerable, but there is no Republican who can beat him.

In a new CNN poll, 26% of registered voters say they will definitely vote for Obama and 37% say they won't. If you add in those leaning one way or the other, it turns out that 47% will probably or definitely vote for Obama and 51% probably or definitely won't.

51 percent say that "probably or definitely won't"? That's a lot of percent. I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think that's even more than half. Doesn't he need at least half of the vote to win? No? Well, he definitely needs more than the other candidates at least. No to that one, too?

Alright, well, whatever. These polls numbers gathered a year before the election season officially kicks off certainly mean something, don't they? Oh, come on.

(via Brooklyn Mutt)

Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Polls, Ronald Reagan, Ross Perot

It Is Quite Possible That South Carolina Democrats Elected Alvin Greene Because of Stupid

Have you noticed that newly-nominated senatorial candidate Alvin Greene's name sounds somewhat like 1970s gospel and soul singer Reverend Al Green? No, I didn't either. I guess we're just not as sharp as those Democratic voters down in South Carolina. 'Cause they, apparently, were all over that shit…

As much as I'd like to make fun of this lady, I really can't. I've been there. You see, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it now, but back in '92, I voted for Ross Perot. Because he reminded me of a Jawa.

And then, when I voted for Perot again in '96, I was really into Tales from the Crypt at the time, and he had a kind of a Crypt Keeper thing going on with his face. Then in 2000, even though he wasn't running, I voted for him as a write-in candidate because I was hungry and he reminded me of a Slim Jim. In '04, I voted for Ralph Nader because he reminded me of Ross Perot. And then in '08, I wrote-in voted for Perot again because his name is vaguely similar to 1970s gospel and soul singer Reverend Al Green. In 2012, I'm planning to grow a porn 'stache and vote for him in a kind of ironic, hipster anti-vote kind of way.

But, really, I feel terrible about it.

Tags: Alvin Greene, Music, Ross Perot, Senate, South Carolina

"Gary Unmarried" Fans, Get Ready for "Barack Obama"

Just as George W. Bush figured that being president would be the perfect stepping stone to becoming Commissioner of Baseball, I've always suspected that Barack Obama's presidential campaign was just a lark to raise enough money to get him what he's really always wanted…

His own sitcom.

Barack Obama has purchased a half-hour of airtime on CBS, sources confirm. The Obama campaign will air a half-hour primetime special on Wednesday, Oct. 29, at 8 p.m.

Yessir, America, get ready to fall in love with Obama. Born in Hawaii, raised in Indonesia by his wacky Muslim stepfather, he goes off to Harvard and Columbia where he learns to eat arugula only return to the mean streets of Chicago where a cast of variegated ethnic stereotypes teach him how be real. When he reads in the local paper that the governor's busty wife has exposed her husband's public sex fetishes, he decides to run for Senate. Then, just four years later, having taught everyone in the Senate how to wear their shades, he decides to run for president. And to top it all off, he's black!

Zany!

The direct purchase of such a large block of national airtime right before an election used to be more commonplace before campaigns began to focus their end game strategies exclusively on battleground states. Such a move is not without precedent in modern presidential politics, however — Ross Perot did a similar purchase in 1992.

As much as I love cult classics, I sincerely hope Obama isn't looking to Perot as a model. The Ross Perot Show was cancelled after only six episodes when the Dana Carvey impression he perfected during the campaign fell flat in a half-hour, three camera format.

Tags: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Ross Perot