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Russ Feingold
  • Russ Feingold Loses His Senate Seat to a Big Cartoon Bag of Money

    Bad news for who like being governed by progressive Democrats. Good news for people who like being governed by comically-large sacks full of cash

    Three-term U.S. Senator Russ Feingold lost his re-election bid in Wisconsin on Tuesday to Republican [Canvas Bag Full of Money], the NBC TV network projected, adding another seat to Republican gains in the chamber.

    Feingold, one of the most liberal members of the Senate, had trailed much of the race. He was challenged by [Bag of Money], a businessman, over his support for President Barack Obama's healthcare overhaul, and over government spending.

    Nice work, Wisconsin! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You are definitely not the worst state in the union.

    Tags: Liveblog, Ron Johnson, Russ Feingold, Senate, Wisconsin
  • The Onion: My Opponent Knows Where Washington Is on a Map; I Don't, and I Never Will

    A message to you, the voter, from Ron Johnson, soon-to-be Senator from Wisconsin

    As your Republican nominee for U.S. Senate, I'm grateful to have this opportunity to reach out to the people of Wisconsin and draw some distinctions between myself — a D.C. outsider — and Russ Feingold. The incumbent is a classic tax-and-spend liberal who, if elected, will increase the deficit even further. But most importantly, Russ Feingold is a career politician who knows exactly where to find our nation's capital on a map.

    Me? I don't have the slightest idea. If somebody asked me right now where Washington, D.C. is, I would say north, but that's really just a shot in the dark. I am literally clueless.

    You see, Russ Feingold has been a senator for nearly 20 years. He knows the Beltway backwards and forwards. Heck, I bet he could even tell you which state Washington, D.C. is in. I, on the other hand, don't even know what the "D.C." stands for, and I never will. I'll die before I acquire that information, and that is my promise to you.

    Is D.C. where Mount Rushmore is? Beats me. Ask Russ Feingold.

    I'll bet Feingold even knows where the Senate meets to talk about Senate stuff. Insider dirt bag. Good thing we're getting rid of him.

    Tags: Russ Feingold, Senate, The Onion, Washington DC
  • Democrats Somehow Manage to Pull Off Financial Reform(ish) Legislation

    Big news! Financial reform has somehow passed the Senate despite the fact that the Democrats' lack of a super-ultra-quantum-majority…

    The vote was 60 to 38, with just three centrist Republicans from the Northeast joining with the Democrats in voting to advance the legislation. One Democrat, Senator Russ Feingold of Wisconsin, voted against the bill, saying it was still not tough enough. Senator Michael D. Crapo, Republican of Idaho, did not vote, and one seat — which was held by Senator Robert C. Byrd, who died last month — is vacant…

    The bill would create a council of high-level federal officials, led by the Treasury secretary, to try to detect, and perhaps prevent, systemic dangers to the financial system, and it would give the government new authority to seize and shut down failing financial institutions, by liquidating assets and forcing shareholders and creditors to take losses.

    Sounds promising, I think, based upon the minutes and minutes I've spent kind of thinking about it. But will it work?

    "We won’t know the full results of what we have done until the very institutions we have created, the regulations we have suggested and provided for are actually tested," [Sen. Chris Dodd, banking committee chair and main author of the bill] said in a floor speech. "We can’t legislate wisdom or passion. We can't legislate competency. All we can do is create the structures and hope that good people will be appointed who will attract other good people — people who will make careers and listen and see to it that never again do we go through what we have gone through."

    So, won't know if this bill is even worth anything until after we get hit with another huge financial crisis that threatens the very fabric of our national cohesion? I'm simply on pins and needles waiting to find out!

    Tags: Banks, Chris Dodd, Economy, Financial Reform, Robert Byrd, Russ Feingold, Senate, Wall Street
  • Sonia Sotomayor Finally Gets the Hang of These Confirmation Hearings

    It took three whole days for Sonia Sotomayor to figure out the best way of dealing with her Senate inquisitors

    She joked openly with members of the Judiciary Committee while increasingly avoiding their questions.

    "Wise" move! (See what I did there?) This is just like Ben Bernanke's walrus trick, except a hell of a lot funnier. Don't believe me? Just watch the judge's trademark standup skills in action

    Asked by Sen. Russell Feingold (D-Wis.), who co-sponsored a landmark campaign finance measure, for her thoughts on that subject, Sotomayor replied that the first case she would hear, if confirmed to the Supreme Court, might be a case involving that law. "It would be inappropriate for me to say anything about that area of the law," she told Feingold.

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    Wait, I don't get it.

    She meant to say "the Aristocrats," right?

    Tags: Russ Feingold, Senate, Sonia Sotomayor