Latest Posts

  • Barack Obama Has a 75 Percent Approval Rating (with Foreigners Who Don't Matter Because They're Foreigners)

    In a different country that was not like America at all in any way shape or form, news that your President was highly regarded in the rest of the world might be viewed as a good thing.

    But that's why countries like those are not to be trusted

    A survey on European and American attitudes toward each other — released by Transatlantic Trends, a D.C.-based think tank — found that 75 percent of those surveyed in 12 European Union countries approved of Obama on international affairs, while the same survey found only 54 percent of U.S. citizens would say the same thing…

    The think tank found Obama's approval rating on international politics to be highest in Western Europe countries like Portugal (82 percent), the Netherlands (81 percent), Germany (81 percent), and Italy (79 percent)–nations that strongly opposed the War in Iraq and for which Obama offers a stark contrast to that war's president, George W. Bush.. The lowest ratings in the EU came from Eastern and Central European republics like Slovakia (58 percent), Bulgaria (63 percent), and Poland (65 percent), former Warsaw Bloc nations leery of Obama's opening of relations with Russia.

    If Barack Obama is so popular with those European people, why doesn't he just go be President of Europistan or whatever that country's called?

    Photo by Dominic Lipinski-WPA Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Europe, Germany, Italy, Poland, Polls, Portugal, Russia
  • Hypnotoad Disqualified from Russia's 2014 Olympic Mascot Competition

    From The CC Insider

    Vladimir Putin is a lot of things: Russian Prime Minister, a red/white belt in Judo, a Libra, a tummy-smoocher, the list goes on. But one thing he apparently is not is a Futurama fan. According to The Moscow Times, Putin's choice for the mascot at the 2014 Olympics was a snowboarding leopard, which was chosen along with a ray of light, a snowflake, a bunny and a polar bear. Not among the mascots though, is Zoich, an Olympicized homage to Hypnotoad.

    Eventually, the professional jury simply refused to include Zoich, whom designer Yegor Zhigun based on the character "Hypnotoad" from the U.S. cartoon series "Futurama," on the list of finalists. The decision was in line with selection rules but de-facto voided the purpose of online voting.

    "Zoich was absolutely out of consideration," a source within the Russian Olympic Committee told The Moscow Times on Sunday. "It was very depressing."

    "The mascot should symbolize Russia, but imagine the impression people around the world would have when they looked at this blue toad?" said the source, who asked not to be identified because she was not authorized to speak to the media.

    I spoke to another source close to the matter who added, "ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD! ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD! ALL GLORY TO THE HYNOTOAD!"

    Meanwhile, in former Soviet Russia, Hypnotoad disqualifies you from mascot competition.

    Be sure to visit the official Futurama website for clips and upcoming air-times.

    Tags: Futurama, Olympics, Russia, Sports, Vladimir Putin
  • Tworld News: Week of December 6, 2010

    Isn't it time that your news was delivered in bite-sized, funny, essentially fact-free form (on purpose)?

    You don't get to 250,000 diplomatic cables without making a few poor sunglass-purchasing decisions. And other poor decisions

    Every time a 'free lunch' bell rings, an econ teacher blacks out.

    Read More »

    Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, DADT, Evolution, John McCain, Julian Assange, LGBT, Military, NASA, Russia, Science & Technology, Soccer, Sports, Star Wars, Tworld News, WikiLeaks
  • Fun Sorority Meeting Will Determine If Iran Gets to Kill You

    Today a giant sorority of seven cute nations gets together in Geneva to have a chat about Iran's nuclear plans. The gals in question are the U.S. (the bossy one); China (the backstabbing Asian babe you totes can't trust with your secrets); Britain (the pale, uptight virgin); France (the gorgeous snob); Germany (the overly cheery born-again who used to be a terrible bitch); Russia (the fun, drunk trainwreck); and Iran (hot trouble with a capital "T.")

    Here's a rundown of how the convo will probably definitely go down…

    Britain: Alright then, girls, let's come to order. Order, please? Order? If you could perhaps stop speaking, just for — perhaps for a moment?

    China: But when you do speak, please be sure to enunciate directly into the teacups I so graciously provided. Please do use an elevated volume of voice and return each cup to me after the meeting concludes. Feel free to share everything on your minds and to provide essential details.

    U.S.: Christ, everybody shut up. Except for me. Would you like a donut? You would? Great. Here you go. I assume I can expect your undying loyalty from now until the end of time. Remember, I have Predator drones!

    France: These teacups are not Limoges, and therefore I shall not drink from them. You all smell like boxed wine and other totems of low culture.

    Germany: Speaking of tea, can I get anybody anything? Sugar? Lemon? Napkins? Thanks for inviting me, by the way. I mean, really. I'm just, I'm really glad everything is just cool with us, and that we can be friends for real now. I feel like you guys really like me for real, am I right?


    Iran: I want to blow you all to shit. HAHA! J/K! No, but really.

    Tags: China, France, Germany, Iran, Nuclear, Russia, Switzerland, United Kingdom
  • SMBC: The Gayce Race

    Eventually, NASA came to the conclusion that the only possible solution for long space voyages was to find non-monogamous gay astronauts

    Read the whole thing.

    Tags: Comedians, John Kennedy, LGBT, NASA, Russia, SMBC