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Sam Brownback
  • Stephen Colbert on the Liberal Sliming of Pink Slime

    "Our beef now has so many hormones, it's a member of the transgender community." — Stephen Colbert

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    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.


    Tags: Food, Iowa, Kansas, Liberals, Rick Perry, Sam Brownback, Stephen Colbert, Terry Branstad, Texas, The Colbert Report, Video
  • Rick Perry's Just Like John McCain, Except for Becoming the Nominee

    Sam Brownback, current governor of Kansas and former non-GOP nominee, is making a bold prediction about Rick Perry, current governor of Texas and future non-GOP nominee…

    "Perry’s getting his sea legs under him. Things are stabilizing and moving up. The organization is coming in. And he can put together the resources."

    Fine, so maybe saying Perry has "stabilized" isn't so much a bold prediction as it is a grim acceptance that this is what a stable Rick Perry campaign looks like. But just listen to Brownback's answer when asked if Perry could keep raising money…

    "Well, look at McCain last time. Remember him? He got money at the outset, and then tanks," Brownback said. "But then you crawl back up, and he ends up being the nominee."

    McCain, yes, I do remember him. He was the guy who fought through a difficult primary season, defied many experts' expectations and lost decisively.

    Hey, maybe it's not such a bad comparison.

    Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Iowa, Iowa Caucus, John McCain, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Sam Brownback
  • Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback Apologizes for Both Sucking and Blowing

    After a federal judge blocked enforcement of his state’s restrictive new abortion laws, conservative Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback was forced to stop spying on teen girls’ uteruses.

    And (as we reported Friday) start spying on their Twitter feeds

    Shawnee Mission East teen Emma Sullivan insulted Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback over Twitter while on a school field trip to the state capitol last week.

    "Just made mean comments at gov. brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot," she wrote to her 60 followers… But the humor was lost on members of Brownback's staff, who found the tweet while scouring social media sites for his name and demanded an apology through Sullivan's high school principal.

    Sullivan, who now has 6,300 Twitter followers and has begun quoting Gandhi, says she hopes the principal will accept her decision not write an apology letter.

    Upon hearing that she would not apologize, Gov. Brownback referred the matter to his insecurity guards, who promptly alerted the Kansas State Department of No Backsies. Fortunately, Sullivan was able to escape arrest at the last minute by getting a cootie shot from her friend Becky.

    Since she is now rubber and he is glue, the insulting tweet successfully stuck to the governor, compelling him to issue a personal apology for blowing a lot

    "My staff over-reacted to this tweet, and for that I apologize. Freedom of speech is among our most treasured freedoms," Brownback said in a statement.

    Gov. Brownback has yet to confirm or deny reports that he suffers from Bieber Fever.

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Constitution, Education, Internet, Kansas, Republicans, Sam Brownback, Twitter
  • Gov. Sam Brownback Narrowly Survives High School Student's Mean-Spirited Tweet

    Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is, by all accounts, safe and relatively unharmed following a harrowing Twitter attack from an 18-year-old high school student last week.

    Luckily, Brownback has a brave and astute staff ready to snap into action at the first sign of an online trolling

    Emma Sullivan, a senior at Shawnee Mission East High School in Prairie Village, was in Topeka on Monday as part of Kansas Youth in Government, a program for students interested in politics and government.

    During the session, in which Brownback addressed the group, Sullivan posted on her personal Twitter page:

    There was a problem connecting to Twitter.

    Does anyone know if there are any al Qaeda sleeper cells operating in Kansas? Because I highly doubt that a high school student is capable of an act of terrorism so heinous on her own.

    Don't worry, though. Sullivan is paying the ultimate cost for trespasses against her innocent governor…

    On Tuesday, Sullivan was called to her principal’s office and told that the tweet had been flagged by someone on Brownback’s staff and reported to organizers of the Youth in Government program…

    The principal "laid into me about how this was unacceptable and an embarrassment," Sullivan said. "He said I had created this huge controversy and everyone was up in arms about it… and now he had to do damage control… I'm mainly shocked that they would even see that tweet and be concerned about me," she said. "I just honestly feel they're making a lot bigger deal out of it than it actually was."

    Sullivan said the principal ordered her to write letters of apology to Brownback, the school’s Youth in Government sponsor, the district's social studies coordinator and others.

    Hopefully next time, Ms.Sullivan will think twice before exercising her First Amendment rights.

    Just where does she think she is? Someplace that's not Kansas?


    Tags: Bill of Rights, Constitution, Education, Kansas, Sam Brownback, Twitter
  • The U.S. Loves War, Hates Community Theater (or Kansas Won't Buy Anyone Crayons)

    We Americans love art in all forms: reruns of "America's Best Dance Crew;" Wal-Mart reproductions of that painting with the dogs playing poker; and of course, films by Michael Bay. But lately, some lame hippies have been whining about the unprecedented rate at which state governments are slashing arts funding.

    Across the country this is a tough time for small arts groups because state grants have largely shriveled up. Thirty-one states, still staggered by the recession, cut their arts budgets for the 2012 fiscal year, which began on July 1, continuing a downturn that has seen such financial aid drop 42 percent over the last decade, according to data compiled by the National Assembly of State Arts Agencies.

    The impact may hardly be felt at places like the Metropolitan Opera, established regional theaters or other large organizations that rely primarily on loyal donors and ticket revenues to underwrite their budgets.

    Wait, the "opera?" The "regional theaters?" You mean "Gossip Girl" and "One Tree Hill" will be unaffected by these cuts? Then shoot, who gives a crap? Everybody knows the opera is for weirdos like Frasier and Niles Crane, and who even does theater after high school?

    In Kansas, Governor Sam Brownback bravely decided to reduce the state's arts funding to $0 this year. In a helpful move for Kansas's unemployment numbers, he also fired every employee of the Kansas Arts Commission. Do they even have art in Kansas? What'd they even need that money for, anyway?

    In Kansas the Junction City Arts Council has received $10,000 a year from the state arts commission annually since 2005, money it used to provide visual arts scholarships for underprivileged children, a summer community theater program and a storyteller who performed at schools.

    Foolish! Underprivileged children ought to be put to work in the mines, not given scholarship money to take art classes. Visual arts, community theater, and storytelling all take up valuable time that ought to be spent developing black lung or the bends.

    Gov. Sam Brownback deserves a Congressional Medal of Honor for his bravery in battle against the nefarious cabal of painters, actors, dancers, sculptors, directors, writers, and illustrators who seek to turn our nation into a place where every single dollar isn't spent on futile wars.


    Tags: Art, Economy, Kansas, Money, Music, Sam Brownback