The Nine Most Honorable Supreme Court Moments from The Colbert Report

Now that Justice John Paul Stevens has announced his retirement from the U.S. Supreme Court this summer, we can pretty much expect an endless stream of appointee speculations, rehashings of nomination battles past and pretty much anything — anything! — that's vaguely SCOTUS-related until we actually want our brains to explode and just get it over with.

So, let's get an early start on all that with this list of Stephen Colbert's nine best Supreme Court clips…

How to Bork a Nominee

The list continues after the jump…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Read More »

Tags: Clarence Thomas, Harriet Miers, Jeffrey Toobin, Robert Bork, Samuel Alito, Sonia Sotomayor, Stephen Colbert, Supreme Court, The Colbert Report, Video

Colbert: In America, White Is Neutral

A lot of hay has been made of Sonia Sotomayor's "wise Latina" line. After all, how can a minority woman understand the life experience and cultural idiosyncrasies of white men that entitle us to everything? But there's more than that, because not only is she a Latina, but she's also wise. And if there's anything that can throw off the sensitive balance of the court, it's wisdom.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Hispanic, Samuel Alito, Sonia Sotomayor, Stephen Colbert, Supreme Court, The Colbert Report, Video

The Onion: Supreme Court Justices Keep Citing Cases Roberts and Alito Are Too Young to Remember

Wet-behind-the-ears SCUTUS justices Johnny Roberts, 54, and Li'l Sammy Alito have supposedly been catching hell from their older, more experiences co-justices…

"One time—one time—I asked what World-Wide Volkswagen v. Woodson was, and Stevens goes off on this tear about me still being in diapers when Earl Warren was inventing Miranda rights," Alito said of the 88-year-old justice appointed by President Gerald Ford.

"God, sorry I didn't get my law degree before World War I, geez."

Ah, these young punks coming into the Supreme Court these days. What do they know from interpreting controversial matters of Constitutional Law?

See also:
DHS Warns Of Rise in Right-Wing Extremism

Tags: John Paul Stevens, Samuel Alito, Supreme Court, The Onion

Barack Obama and Joe Biden Unable to Get Out of Attending Court

President-elect Barack Obama and Vice President-elect Joe Biden will be paying a visit to the Supreme Court today to thank them for intervening in the recent presidential election and ensuring that they were handed the White Hou–

Oh, wait. Sorry. I got confused.

They're just going there to talk about gays and abortions or some such shit…

The court said [Chief Justice John] Roberts, who will administer the oath of office to Obama next Tuesday, invited the pair to meet with him and the associate justices in the ceremonial West Conference Room, and maybe take a tour of the place. Reporters and photographers are not invited…

No doubt all will be cordial during the meeting, but there is a lot of background between the justices and the politicians. Historians have noted the interesting and unusual dynamic of the new president taking the oath of office from a man whose confirmation he opposed. Biden, of course, was a major player in the contentious confirmation hearings of Justice Clarence Thomas. And Obama and Biden both voted against Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr.

Yeah, I'm sure that'll be awkward and all.

But not nearly as awkward as when Joe Biden accidentally steps on the train of Chief Justice Roberts' robe while they're being shown around and then the robe rips in two and Roberts is left totally naked except for a pair of women's underwear and a bra that he was secretly wearing and then there's this Japanese tourist couple who're there for some reason and they take a picture of him and the wife says to the husband "Americans are even kinkier than the Germans!" in subtitles and then the husband replies, "We should have got into bed with them during World War II — the hangover would have been better at least" also in subtitles.

That'll be more awkward.

Tags: Barack Obama, Joe Biden, John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Supreme Court