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Sarah Palin's Alaska
  • Sarah Palin's Hair Salon Gets a TV Show

    In the United States, our media has a long, proud history of only rewarding the truly deserving with attention. Unlike some tawdry, sensationalist media machines in other cultures, our most prominent film, publishing and television outlets seek to promote and highlight those individuals who've truly affected the world in a positive manner through hard work, extraordinary talent, and devotion.

    On that note, TLC has decided to give Sarah Palin's hair salon its own television series

    The identity of the salon was not revealed in a news release sent out last week by TLC. The release simply said the show "goes inside a busy hair salon in Wasilla, Alaska, where the personalities of the owner and her staff are as big as the hairstyles they create."

    But the Beehive, owned by Palin fan Jessica Steele, issued a Facebook post confirming that it was the subject of the TLC show.

    "TLC just announced their fall lineup, and we are on it!!!! Our show is called Big Hair Alaska!!!! Omg!!! It's really happening!!!! :) ," said the message, posted on Monday.

    Why all the secrecy in the initial press release? Surely anyone familiar with the concept of "context clues" could deduce that the network responsible for forcing Sarah Palin's Alaska on the world wouldn't just showcase a random Wasilla beauty parlor. And since when did Wasilla grow so huge it needed more than one beauty parlor, anyway? Sounds like that town's getting a little too big for its all-American, outdoorsy, sexy britches.

    At any rate: Congratulations, The Beehive! Your MySpace photos are just the initial gateway to the world of glamor and razzle-dazzle your TV series will surely explore. We hope Big Hair Alaska features at least one visit by America's Heroine (we mean Bristol, obviously). We also pray that TLC doesn't do a lamestream media hit job on these fine folks and ask them really tough questions like, you know, "What newspapers do you read?"

    We hear that's the kind of thing that can really stress a gal from Wasilla out.

    Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

    Tags: Alaska, Fashion, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Television
  • Sarah and Bristol Palin's Shining City on TV's Hill Slightly Less Shiny Than Last Week

    It was the heady days of last week's television. The unsinkable Bristol Palin was literally driving liberals insane by being kept afloat on Dancing with the Stars with the help of Tea Party phone voters, while her mother's new vanity show was breaking records of The Learning Channel.

    Those days are now sadly lost in the mists of nostalgia. Now, Bristol's dream of pulling off a talentless win and thus "a big middle finger to all the people out there that hate [her] mom, and hate [her]" has sadly gone unrealized, and ratings for Sarah's show sunk by nearly half in the second week

    Episode two of the Palin reality show averaged just 3 million viewers, down 40% from the previous week.

    Perhaps more troubling are the viewer demographics. The show averaged just 885,000 viewers in the advertiser-friendly 18-49 demo, and the median age of the show's viewer is a whopping 57 years old. According to The Live Feed's James Hibberd, that's 15 years older than TLC's median age of 42.

    So, more than 70 percent of the viewers for Sarah Palin's Alaska are 50 or older? What an old demographic she has! They don't buy iPads or Xbox Kinects. Hahahahahaha! What's a demographic full of old-timers like that good for?

    Oh, wait… Uh oh.

    Tags: Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Music, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Television
  • Fox News People Caught Blaspheming the Name of Sarah Palin

    Look, I realize that every time I — or any other liberal blog-writing blogger on the blogonet — takes even the smallest amount of pleasure in any criticism of Sarah Palin's body of work, it feeds her more power. I know! I know that she is Vigo the Carpathian, from Ghostbusters 2, and my muffled laughter is sinking down through the floorboards of my house and seeping into the river of slime that flows across this nation and ultimately keeps her well-fed with the attention her ego so desperately needs. I know it!

    But I can't help it. I'm weak. So, when I see a bunch of dudes on Fox News nervously sitting in terrified silence as two female pundits gleefully revel in some shitty reviews for Sarah Palin's Alaska when they think they're not being filmed, what am I supposed to do? Not post it? I'm sorry, but you're just being insane

    And, thus, the river of slime grows in ferocity. Soon, we shall all be engulfed. But, until then, Hahahahahaha! Those people are all gonna die.

    Tags: Alaska, Fox, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Television
  • Jon Stewart Looks at the Recent Palin Family Multimedia Controversplotion, and Jason Jones Guides Us Through His Bayonne, NJ

    Sarah Palin pretending to fish, The Situation's golden condoms and a daylight Russian hooker fight all in the same clip! Only seven short years ago, science said such a thing was impossible. Science, bah!

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

    Meanwhile, The Daily Show Facebook page is coming up on 2 million likes, so if you haven't yet, get over there and show your support.

    Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Facebook, Jason Jones, Jon Stewart, New Jersey, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Sex, Television, The Daily Show, The Situation, Video, Willow Palin
  • Sarah Palin Hints at Presidential Bid, Daughters Call People Names on Facebook

    When you're getting ready to launch a presidential campaign, there is very little room for error. You have to hint just enough to keep supporters and media people salivating, but no remain so evasive as to not warrant coverage. Everything you, or anyone in your family and circle friends, say must be weighed carefully to put you and your family is the best possible light.

    Sarah Palin seems to somewhat understand this

    In a lengthy interview for a profile in this weekend's New York Times magazine, the former Alaska governor flatly said she is considering launching a White House bid and is currently in discussions about the possibility with her family and trusted allies.

    "I'm engaged in the internal deliberations candidly, and having that discussion with my family, because my family is the most important consideration here," she said…

    Her daughters, Bristol and Willow, not so much

    During the premiere of "Sarah Palin's Alaska" Sunday night — a boy named Tre who went to school with the Palin kids wrote a status update that read, "Sarah Palin's Alaska, is failing so hard right now." The comment sparked an intense response from Willow — who replied on the boy's wall, "Haha your so gay. I have no idea who you are, But what I've seen pictures of, your disgusting … My sister had a kid and is still hot." Willow followed up that comment with another that read, "Tre stfu. Your such a f**got."

    Bristol Palin also got in on the smacktalk — writing a message to Tre saying, "You're running your mouth just to talk sh*t." Eventually, a message board war erupted — and Bristol took aim at another person named Jon — saying, "You'll be as successful as my baby daddy, And actually I do work my ass off. I've been a single mom for the last two years."

    They really are American royalty, aren't they?

    Tags: Alaska, Bristol Palin, Facebook, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Television, Willow Palin