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Saudi Arabia
  • Al Qaeda Wants Credit for Terrorism Fail

    You're never gonna believe who's claiming responsibility for Saturday's attempted terror attack…

    In a statement posted on the Internet, al-Qaida in the Arabian Peninsula said 23-year-old Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab coordinated with members of the group, an alliance of militants based in Saudi Arabia and Yemen…

    The group said Abdulmutallab used explosives manufactured by al-Qaida members. "He managed to penetrate all devices and modern advanced technology and security checkpoints in international airports bravely without fear of death," the group said in the statement, "relying on God and defying the large myth of American and international intelligence, and exposing how fragile they are, bringing their nose to the ground, and making them regret all what they spent on security technology."

    I'm not sure is there's an Arabic equivalent of the phrase "People who live in glass houses…," but it's not as if their brilliant plan to explode a plane by setting his underwear on fire went off without a hitch.

    Look, I'm just saying, it's one thing to attempt to murder several dozen innocent people because of your silly beliefs in mythological sky deities. But it a-whole-nother thing to go throwing around hurtful criticisms of our competence when your organization is just as hapless.

    Can't we just agree that we're all idiots, and move on?

    Tags: al Qaeda, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, Terrorism, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, Yemen
  • The Price of Not Buying Oil Sure Is Going Up Lately

    In case you were wondering where all the balls in the entire world went, look no further. They're in Saudi Arabia, being used to make mind-blowing demands like this

    Saudi Arabia is trying to enlist other oil-producing countries to support a provocative idea: if wealthy countries reduce their oil consumption to combat global warming, they should pay compensation to oil producers…

    "Assisting us as oil-exporting countries in achieving economic diversification is very crucial for us through foreign direct investments, technology transfer, insurance and funding," [chief Saudi negotiator, Mohammad al-Sabban] said in an e-mail message.

    This Saudi position has emerged periodically as a source of dispute since the earliest global climate talks, in Rio de Janeiro in 1992. It is surfacing again as Saudi Arabia tries to build a coalition of producers to extract concessions in Copenhagen.

    Let's look at this in bullet points…

    * Saudi Arabia has almost all the oil.

    * Saudi Arabia uses its oil supply to get almost all the money.

    * The world tries to keep some of its money by trying to not use as much oil.

    * Saudi Arabia demands reparations for this backhanded maneuvering.

    Wow. The logic is so simple and yet so crazy. I feel like I need a drink after trying to work that through my brain. But, ugh, I should really wait till I get back to my neighborhood tonight so I can buy a six-pack from the deli around the corner from my apartment.

    It's kind of overpriced, but less expensive then the price for not buy a six-pack there. It costs $12 dollars to not buy a six-pack there. Am I crazy or is that unreasonable?

    Of course, what I'd really like to do is quit drinking and dry out for a while. But I don't think i can afford it.

    Tags: Energy & Oil, Money, Saudi Arabia
  • Jon Stewart Nails Fox on Obama's Mideast Tour

    President Obama went to the Middle East this week, and the Fox News crew rightfully took him to task for what basically amounted to surrendering all of America's virgins to the Islamofascists. I mean, if you don't think Obama is a covert Al Qaeda operative, answer me this: Have you ever seen Barack Obama and Osama bin Laden in the same room? If the answer is yes, why didn't Obama kill bin Laden? And if the answer is no, they're obviously the same dude. I rest my case!

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Fox, Islam, Jon Stewart, Middle East, Saudi Arabia, The Daily Show, Video
  • President Obama Warns America Not to Get Troubled by Troubling Swine Flu Epidemic

    President Obama wants the citizens of the United States to know that this Swine Flu — which, from what I gather from watching the news channels, has already claimed 900 bazillion U.S. lives (give or take a bazillion) — is nothing to worry about, even though it is somewhat worrying

    "We are closely monitoring the emerging cases of swine flu in the United States," Mr. Obama said, speaking at the National Academy of Sciences. "This is obviously the cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert, but it's not a cause for alarm."

    Got that? Be alert, but don't be alarmed. I guess, the best way to differentiate between the two is like this:

    A squirrel, eating an acorn in the grass, is alert. A squirrel, screaming and clawing his way through a crowded subway terminal in a vain attempt to escape a horrifying pestilence, is alarmed.

    The remarks by Mr. Obama, which came at the beginning of a previously-scheduled speech that he delivered to scientists in Washington, marked the first time the president has personally addressed the swine flu.

    Fantastic! If he's not bowing down before the Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdel Aziz or shaking hands with Venezualan President Hugo Chavez, then he's entering into friendly negotiations with a potential worldwide pandemic.

    Doesn't he know that you have to play tough with these pathogenic agents? You didn't see George Bush cozying up to monkeypox back in his first term, did you?

    Tags: Abdullah bin Abdel Aziz, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Health, Hugo Chavez, Saudi Arabia, Swine Flu, Venezuela