10 Faith-Restoring Poll Responses to the David Petraeus Scandal

Earlier this week Pew Research asked, "What one word best describes your reaction to news about General Petraeus's resignation and the ongoing FBI investigation into the situation?"

Asked an open-ended question, the American people stepped up…

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Tags: David Petraeus, Polls, Scandalgate

The Worst David Petraeus Commentary Quiz

The David Petraeus-General John Allen-Paula Broadwell-Jill Kelley-Shirtless FBI Wingnut sex pentagon raises many questions: Which role will Julianne Moore play in the HBO movie? Can heterosexuals continue to be trusted to serve in our nation's military and clandestine services?  And perhaps most urgently, can people on the Internet resist the urge to be misogynistic twits for just one goddamned minute and enjoy the spectacle without succumbing to sexism, conspiracy mongery or general foolishness?

This quiz will help answer one of these questions. For each category, try to identify whether the statement is intended as comedy or represents un-self-aware douchebaggery…

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Tags: David Petraeus, Media, Men and Women, Military, Scandalgate, Sex

Sexual Harassment Suit Filed Against Department of Homeland Security

Four years ago, we were warned of the dystopian future upon the horizon, a nightmare landscape in which up is down, black is white, chocolate is vanilla and cats are dogs.

Welcome, my friends, to the Bizarro World known as Obama's America, in which women are accused of sexually harassing men! Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????

A blistering federal discrimination suit accuses agency honcho Janet Napolitano of turning the department into a female-run "frat house" where male staffers were banished to the bathrooms and routinely humiliated…

First of all, that one phrase — "female-run frat house" — might confuse you. Such a thing would more commonly be described as a "female-run male-operated sorority" or possibly even as a "female-run male-operated female-run frat house."

Does that clear things up at all? Good, let's continue with this strange Twilight Zone-esque story…

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Tags: Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, Judiciary, Men and Women, Scandalgate

The Daily Show on the Secret Service Prostitution Scandal

I think the easiest way to ensure that similar scandals like this don't pop up in the future is for the Secret Service to institute a No Partying with Hookers rule for all agents. Honestly, I don't know why nobody thought of this before.

Coverage continues with Samantha Bee and Jessica Williams after the jump.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

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Tags: Colombia, Jessica Williams, Jon Stewart, Prostitution, Samantha Bee, Sarah Palin, Scandalgate, Secret Service, Sex, The Daily Show, Video

Days Without Democratic Sex Scandal Counter Reset to Zero

Ever since Anthony Weiner pulled out of Congress to spend less time being surrounded by other sexual deviants, Democrats have been doing so well at avoiding sex scandals and sexual harassment allegations. Unfortunately, North Carolina Democrats have taken their status as residents of a "swing" state a touch too literally…

In an extraordinary act of political theater, the state Democratic chairman described and dismissed outright the sexual harassment claims against the party's former top official and refused to immediately relinquish his post Thursday, despite intense national political pressure.

David Parker, defiant and assured in his first public comments on the week-old controversy, announced he would step aside only after a special election by the party's executive committee tentatively scheduled for May 12.

The scandal involves sexual harassment allegations against North Carolina Democratic Party Executive Director Jay Parmley made by a 26 year old male staffer, who was fired by the Party in November…

[The staffer] listed six allegations in the letter, saying Parmley showed him a picture of male genitals, caressed his leg and discussed his sexual exploits in detail. The letter also sought a financial settlement equal to one year's pay and health care coverage. Parmley resigned Sunday but denied harassing any party employee.

Though the harassment allegations are very serious, there doesn't appear to be any actual sex in this scandal. So at least Democrats are being consistent ahead of their national convention in North Carolina — their impotence extends far beyond the public policy arena.

Tags: Democrats, North Carolina, Scandalgate, Sex