* Newly announced senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren makes a somewhat simple but overlooked point: "There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody!" That's the problem with this country — even the capitalists are socialists!
* Anti-government intervention, free-market Republicans ask Harvard to stop paying Elizabeth Warren's salary.
* Barack Obama patiently explains to United Nations why United Nations is kind of useless. Wasn't quite as well received you might expect.
Tags: ABC, Barack Obama, Education, Elizabeth Warren, Haggard's Law, Israel, Massachusetts, Palestine, Polls, Pork Barrel, Scott Brown, Senate, Ted Haggard, Television, United Nations
Consumer advocate Elizabeth Warren is trying to ruin everything by founding an exploratory committee for a mission to unseat America's Naked Boyfriend, Senator Scott Brown. Heartbreak alert!
What the hell is this Harvard Law School professor thinking? Doesn't she know that nerdy smart ladies aren't supposed to get in the way of sexy nude boys' political dreams? Somebody needs to take this high-falutin' filly down a peg, and Brian Walsh, National Republican Senatorial Committee spokesman, is just the man to do it. Here's his statement on Warren's jerky move:
As a native of Oklahoma, the anointed candidate of the Washington establishment, and someone who has spent many years ensconced in the hallways of Harvard, it's a good idea for Professor Warren to learn more about her adopted state of Massachusetts as she prepares to compete in a crowded Democrat primary.
Oooooh, BURN! Way to point out that she was born in Oklahoma, works in Washington, D.C., and… has lived in Massachusetts for… many years? Hmm.
On second thought, Bri-Bri, I'm not sure how much you'll scare people by reminding them that their potential new senator is also a longtime resident of their state.
Also: Scott Brown was born in Maine, and unless it's still 1819, that's not Massachusetts.
Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images
Tags: Elizabeth Warren, Maine, Massachusetts, Scott Brown, Senate
Harry Reid may not be getting that bill to legalize online poker — not to mention that dump truck full of pork he was hoping for — but it does seem as though — despite my disgusted pessimism yesterday — he has an actual real life shot a passing some genuine historic legislation before the two chambers of Congress descend utterly into trench warfare next month.
And these pieces of legislation would actually be "historic" in a good way, believe it or not…
After abandoning on Thursday night a $1.3 trillion omnibus Senate spending bill, Democratic Senate Leader Harry Reid filed cloture for the DREAM Act and a stand-alone repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" — both of which are now expected to reach the Senate for final votes as early as this weekend…
Republican Sens. Brown (who on Thursday confirmed his willingness to vote for the bill), Susan Collins (Maine), Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) and Olympia Snowe (Maine) have said they would support the bill, and all but one Democrat – West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin – is believed to be in favor of voting for repeal.
The prospects of the DREAM Act, however, are less clear. The measure, which would provide undocumented young people with pathways to American citizenship, has inspired criticism from Republicans and Democrats alike, and a Senate vote on the legislation was recently delayed due to lack of sufficient support for passage.
It's sad enough that these are even issues being vigorously debated in the year 2010 in which we are currently living. What's sadder, though, is that I'd actually feel like it'd be a victory to get one of these bills through.
Fantastic job of managing expectations, Congress! That is one thing you do very well!
Tags: DADT, Gambling, Harry Reid, Immigration, Joe Manchin, LGBT, Lisa Murkowski, Military, Money, Olympia Snowe, Scott Brown, Senate, Susan Collins
Obviously, we'd all prefer some kind of reality in which we could throw all of these fine politicians into a giant blender — with some orange juice and some ice and maybe a dash of sugar — and mix them all up into one super smooth U.S. President. But the technology to do that probably won't be within our grasp by 2012, so we're all just going to have to think really hard and try to choose just one…
Continued Huckabee interview and more contenders after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Bobby Jindal, David Petraeus, Haley Barbour, Jon Stewart, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Scott Brown, The Daily Show, Tim Pawlenty, Video
Unfortunately, all of these phenomenal American heroes cannot be elected president in 2012, so we, as a nation, will have to choose which one will have the honor of shaming Barack Obama out of office and shipping him back to his native Kenyistan. Hopefully, this collection of clips will come in handy as we face the hardest decision of our lives…
More contenders after the jump.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: Bobby Jindal, Chris Christie, David Petraeus, Joe Arpaio, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Scott Brown, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video