So, I'm sure by now, everyone's heard the big news about the U.S. team beating the Carthaginians One-to-Love in yesterday's match. Finally! It's nice to see the Americans dominate another country once in a while. And this should also knock that egomaniac Hannibal down a peg or two. (Doubt he'll be invading Washington D.C. mounted atop an armored pachyderm elephant anytime soon.)
So, what you're probably asking is: What are the big games that I should be paying attention to in the next few days, goddamnit?!?! Relax, dude. Relax. I got them right here…
Tags: Algeria, Brazil, Germany, Ghana, New England, Portugal, Soccer, Sports
Look at this fucking teabagger…
Wait a minute. Is there a less cropped version of that picture?
Tags: Soccer, Sports, Tea Party
Have you people heard that there's a World Cup going on? Seems like every time you turn around there's some kind of World Cup happening, doesn't it? Well, this one is for Soccer, or — as the rest of the world calls it — Non-American Football.
Naturally, as Americans, we here at the Indecision blog are super amped for this not-at-all-tedious tournament. And we'll help you get amped in equal parts by filling you in on all the important games that you should be paying attention to. But first, here's everything you need to know about Soccer…
* No player may touch the ball with his hands ever. Except for the goalie. And everybody else on the team under certain circumstances. The breaking of this rule is punishable by death.
* The less scoring that occurs in a game, the more exciting it is!
* The Ancient Greeks and Romans are known to have played many ball games, some of which involved the use of the feet. The Roman game harpastum is believed to have been adapted from a Greek team game known as "ἐπίσκυρος" (episkyros) or "φαινίνδα" (phaininda), which is mentioned by a Greek playwright, Antiphanes (388–311 BC) and later referred to by the Christian theologian Clement of Alexandria (c.150-c.215 AD).
* You totally do not want to accidentally forget to wear your cup when being forced by your parents to play soccer back in grade school. Because, ugh, that pain is profound and life altering.
Now that you know everything you need to know about soccer, here's a rundown of this weekend's biggest, most important games to watch for…
Tags: Algeria, Denmark, Germany, Italy, New Zealand, Serbia, Soccer, Sports, United Kingdom