David Rosenfeld is running as the Socialist Workers Party candidate in Iowa's 3rd Congressional District. I'll be honest, I didn't realize there were any actual card-carrying socialists in America. Turns out Glenn Beck's Venn diagrams were right! But the socialists aren't hiding, they're right there in the cornfields. At Rosenfeld's recent appearance at the Iowa State Fair, he really got the crowd into a lather, according to a fantastically specific account in the Des Moines Register…
An elderly man and a young boy sat down on the hay bales about halfway through the speech. Several people paused to listen Rosenfeld speak.
Before going to print, it could not be determined whether the young boy had an ice cream cone.
Just as we've always feared, socialists like soft-spoken factory worker Rosenfeld are bringing their sinister beliefs to our land…
"There was a small group of individuals yesterday who attempted to disrupt (Republican vice presidential candidate Paul) Ryan's speech and shout him down," [Rosenfeld] said. "Shouting down those you disagree with is not only counter-productive; ultimately it will undermine our ability to defend our free speech rights when they come under attack."
Rosenfeld is up against an incumbent Republican and an incumbent Democrat in a redrawn district. Third-party candidates are always blamed for splitting up the vote and spoiling the election for someone. But it would be sweet, ever so sweet, if the two incumbents in a new district split the vote and the third party candidate sneaks in and takes the crown. They do get crowns, right? I only watch C-SPAN for BookTV and the softcore.
Photo by Richard Cummins/Lonely Planet Images/Getty Images
Previously: Holly Seeliger, "Student choice award"
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Rosenfeld a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: Iowa, One of a Kind Candidates, Socialism
* President Obama sings "Call Me Maybe." (Spoiler alert: It's a little pitchy).
* Key & Peele meet President Obama and lose their sh*t.
* American Voices consider Herman Cain's new radio show.
* Comedian Jamie Kilstein wants to fight National Review's Jonah Goldberg.
* Coming up on your local news, will Funny or Die's coverage of gas prices kill you with laughter?
* Speaking of gas, David Crowe talks about his addiction to petroleum.
* A prospectus for Silicon Valley's next must-have IPO, from McSweeney's.
Tags: Barack Obama, Daily Links, Energy & Oil, Facebook, Funny or Die, Herman Cain, Key & Peele, National Review, Socialism, The Onion