* Leslie Knope says yep to Joe Biden.
* Romney's concession speech gets musical.
* Here is just one more of many ways to gloat, Democrats.
* McSweeney's "The Grapes of Mitt" is all about the downtrodden.
* A Kickstarter campaign for the national debt? Not so dumb after all.
* Being a princess is fun, but it's not a career. Unless you're a law princess!
* What real Americans have to say about the Petraeus sex scandal, from The Onion.
* George Bush Jr. looks Jamaican, says Lewis Black. Sure that's not George Hamilton?
Tags: Amy Poehler, Barack Obama, Budget, Daily Links, Debt, Facebook, George Bush, Joe Biden, Lewis Black, Mitt Romney, Sesame Street, Sonia Sotomayor, The Onion, Wonkette
This morning Reuters ran a negative piece on Marco Rubio. There was just one problem. Apparently, many of the facts cited in the article were complete fabrications. Two misstatements were particularly flagrant…
As of this writing [Reuters] has not published (at least on its website) a correction for two of the most egregious and easily verifiable errors — that "Rubio also voted against Sonia Sotomayor" and he "voted against Obama's healthcare overhaul…"
Sotomayor was confirmed in 2009, Obamacare passed in 2010 and Rubio wasn’t sworn into the Senate until 2011.
You really have to question a news organization that can't find enough true terrible things about Marco Rubio.
We figured, if Reuters can get away with it, we should be able to as well. Here are some facts I just made up about Marco Rubio…
1. Marco Rubio once went out on a date with Sonia Sotomayor where he invited her to a threesome with Herman Cain.
2. When he had trouble paying his mortgage, he raised money by moonlighting as mannequin at a Men's Warehouse in Miami Beach.
3. He showed up on his first day of Congress wearing a torn vintage punk shirt that read, "Ronald Reagan is dead."
4. He attempted to pay his $100,000 student loan to University of Miami in the form of novelty The Office bobbleheads.
5. He is nicknamed the Tea Party's "crown prince" not because they love him but because, like most royalty, he is thoroughly inbred.
The weird thing is nobody actually needs to make up facts about Marco Rubio. He makes facts up about himself all the time.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Florida, Health Care, Marco Rubio, Senate, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court
* Rick Perry, it appears, has some trouble distinguishing between Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and genetically-engineered cryogenically-frozen superhuman tyrant Khan Noonien Singh. Common mistake.
* Is Rick Santorum the only Republican candidate who's willing to defend the the Constitutionally-mandated separation of empirical evidence and state?
* Congress promises to work as long and as hard needed to ensure that nothing gets done.
* If you happen to find a wallet containing around $1.2 billion or so on the street, that's probably former New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine's. He can't find it anywhere.
* Suddenly faced with the reality of their candidate options, Republican voters are looking so apathetic one might mistake them for Democrats.
Tags: House of Representatives, Judiciary, Polls, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Science & Technology, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court
The Court seems to think corporations count as real people, and I'm excited. Soon we'll have corporations sitting on the bench themselves, with Chief Justice Pfizer presiding, Associate Justice Halliburton concurring, and fledgling nominee Adidas trying to dodge senators' questions about Roe v. Wade.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.
Tags: Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, David Souter, Judiciary, Robert Bork, Sonia Sotomayor, Stephen Colbert, Supreme Court, The Colbert Report, Video
Good day, patriots! 'Tis I, Sara Benincasa, your Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, here to further enlighten you with important facts about the fabulous government of our great nation. Today we turn our insightful gaze on the Supreme Court. I'm awash in that legendary post-midterm elections glow, as are you. But we must focus! FOCUS! On the Supreme Court!
"Oh, yes!" you are probably saying. "The Supreme Court. Which of the Supreme Courtesans were up for reelection this year? And is it true that Rand Paul ran for Chief Justice?" These are all reasonable and intelligent questions, and I applaud you for asking them. However, it is my duty to burst your shiny bubble and inform you that, alas, Supreme Court justices are appointed rather than elected.
"Appointed?" you scoff. "I don't recall being asked for my opinion on Alito or Scalia or those two ladies or the other guys."
Well, gentle reader, that is because you are not actually the person who appoints Supreme Court justices. I know it seems unfair, and I do encourage you to send a letter to your congressman complaining about this injustice. But the fact is, he can't do much about it, either. That's because the power to appoint Supreme Court justices rests mostly with the President. Howevsies, the Senate does get to weigh in, and bitchy senators have worked their butts off in the past to successfully block certain nominations. This is because every U.S. Senator is, at heart, a nasty sorority girl.
The Supreme Court consists of nine humans: eight associate justices and one Chief Justice. Right now, the Chief Justice is John G. Roberts, Jr. (he's the one who got all confused with Barack Obama at the swearing-in ceremony, prompting a do-over.) They all decide important stuff, like whether pooping on the flag is constitutional, or something.
Alrighty-roo, that's really all you need to know about the Supreme Court. You can go read the decision on Plessy v. Ferguson if you really want to, but I encourage you to sit on your couch and forget everything you just learned here, because you will probably never need to use it. (Unless you actually become a Supreme Court justice one day. Which is totally very likely.)
Tags: Antonin Scalia, Cramming for Midterms, Elena Kagan, John Roberts, Midterms, Samuel Alito, Sara Benincasa, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court