Tomorrow night's is the State of the Union address, and we're in for a treat. Not only will we hear President Obama decide whether the state of our union "will emerge stronger" (2009), "is strong" (2010, 2011) or merely "getting stronger" (2012), we'll also hear from the night's headline performer, the #1 savior of the Republican party, Sen. Marco "Jesus" Rubio (R-FL).
Here's what to look for in both addresses:
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Barack Obama's speech is expected to focus on jobs–a sharp pivot, considering the president spent millions of dollars to keep Mitt Romney from getting one.
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Rubio will pre-record a Spanish language version of his speech. It's all part of a GOP outreach effort to offend immigrants in their native tongues.
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Last year, the president became our nation's dad by telling an unfunny joke about spilled milk. This year, he'll tell us to do our homework and find a job. Everyone will miss the days when he was trying to be the "cool dad."
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Rubio is highly regarded by some analysts because, "He's everything we need and more. He's modern. He knows who Tupac is. He is on social media." Unlike previous State of the Union rebuttalists like Gov. Bobby "Kenneth the page" Jindal (R-LA) and Gov. Mitch "H&R Block Accountant" Daniels (R-IN), Rubio may spice up his response with some contemporary pop culture. As long as you're a contemporary of that guy whispering in his ear.
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Finally, we'll hear a Tea Party response from Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), who will follow in the footsteps of Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain by making us wonder whether God is really blessing America.
Follow @indecision for all the SOTU livetweeting you can handle, starting tomorrow at 8:30pm ET.
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Tags: Barack Obama, Marco Rubio, State of the Union
If Obama really wanted to sell his "spilled milk" joke, he would've broken down and cried for a good three or four minutes. Instead, he pulled out of that bit so fast, I almost mistook it for Baghdad.
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The Best F#@king New Team Ever offers the best f#@king analysis ever of the President's SOTU address, its responses and all the reasons that we're going to die.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.
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* Newt Gingrich promises a U.S. moon base by the end of his second term. Can't decide the funniest part of that sentence.
* Florida Republicans seem to be having trouble deciding between the lesser of two lessers.
* Nancy Pelosi's office says Nancy Pelosi is full of shit. Good! We're all in agreement.
* A lot of people think that Tennessee Tea Party demands to ban truths concerning slavery from school history text books is an overt attempt to whitewash the lives of the Founding Fathers. I disagree. I think they're just trying to get rid of all mention of black people.
* A new study disproves the common belief that people get more conservative as they age. On the contrary, I just think society gets more liberal as people get smarter.
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Tags: Barack Obama, Conservatives, Education, Florida, Founding Fathers, Mitt Romney, Nancy Pelosi, Newt Gingrich, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Racism, Republicans, Senior Citizens, Slavery, State of the Union, Tea Party, Tennessee