South Carolina Blog Posts | Comedy Central Indecision

Jim DeMint Opens CPAC with Moving Pro-Intransigence Speech

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Feb 9, 2012 01:29 PM by Dennis DiClaudio | Comments:

Jim DeMint

Politics — as everyone knows — is not about finding common ground and working together to build a better world for everyone. No, that's socialism. Politics is about crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you and to hearing the lamentation of their constituents. Too often do modern politicians forget that.

That's probably why Sen. Jim DeMint (R-Cimmeria) chose to open this year's CPAC with a stirring heartfelt reminder to sweep the leg, Johnny…

The first major speaker at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference, an annual gathering of right-wing advocates, grassroots activists, and politicians (including 2012 contenders), was Republican Sen. Jim DeMint, who had a fundamental message for the base: compromise sucks…

Referring to last Sunday's game, he said, "I can guarantee you that coach Tom Coughlin did not tell his Giants to go out on the field and work with those other guys… They weren't cooperating with Tom Brady."

DeMint explained that the New York Giants and the New England Patriots had "different goals." Consequently, compromise would not work. Continuing with this trenchant observation, DeMint noted that "compromise works well in this world when you have shared goals." You can compromise with a wife or with a business colleague. But not with Democrats: "We don't have shared goals with the Democrats."

Happy CPAC, everyone! I'm sure it only gets better from here.

Photo by Chris Maddaloni/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

Tags: Conservatives, CPAC, Football, Jim DeMint, Senate, South Carolina, Sports

Rumors of the South Carolina Zombie Apocalypse Are Greatly Exaggerated

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Jan 30, 2012 11:53 AM by Ilya Gerner | Comments:

When it comes to the tail-risks of catastrophic climate change or the social instability brought about by burgeoning economic inequality, state Republican lawmakers are not really the people you turn to. But when it comes to the zombie menace, they are all over it.

As explained by State Representative Alan Clemmons of South Carolina, "The bottom line is we must have certainty in South Carolina that zombies aren't voting," which would not be my first priority when faced with the undead, but you have to admire the man's commitment to the democratic process/desire to enforce a voter ID law that may disenfranchise thousands of citizens who lack state-issued identification.

At issue is an accusation by the South Carolina DMV director — always the most reliable agency in any state government! — that 950 deceased voters cast ballots in the state's elections. Except when the South Carolina attorney general's office gave the State Election Commission six names off the alleged dead voters list, it turned out the threat of zombies was greatly exaggerated. Which makes sense, since it's unclear why creatures who feast on brains would ever think a South Carolina Election Commission was fertile munching grounds…

* One was an absentee ballot cast by a voter who died before election day.

* One was the result of an error by a poll worker who mistakenly marked the voter as "John Doe III" when he was really "Joe Doe Jr."

* Two were the result of clerical errors — stray marks on the voter registration list detected by the scanner that counts votes.

* Two were the result of poll managers incorrectly marking the name of a deceased voter instead of the actual voter who was listed either above or below the deceased voter on the list.

Since the existence of voter fraud is itself, mostly a fraud, I'm going to assume James O'Keefe killed that first voter to prove a point. It's totally his M.O.

Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Tags: Primaries, Republicans, South Carolina, Voter Fraud, Voter Suppression

Stephen Colbert and "Herman Cain" Drop Out of the Presidential Race

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Jan 24, 2012 02:22 PM by Dennis DiClaudio | Comments:

And so it comes to pass that Stephen Colbert — aka "Herman Cain," aka the founder of the Definitely Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert Super PAC — is ending his exploratory committee to run for President of the United States of South Carolina.