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South Korea
  • North Korea Is Over Your Drama, South Korea

    You know how some people will just pick at you and pick at you and pick at you and then when you respond to their needling with a salvo of your own, they're all, "Jeez, SOMEONE's uptight?" This is precisely how North Korea engages in foreign policy, particularly with its neighbor and former bestie South Korea.

    Behold, North Korea's latest attempt at pretending to be the more mature one

    An ominous showdown between North and South Korea was forestalled Monday after the North withheld military retaliation to South Korea's live-fire artillery drills on an island the North shelled last month after similar drills.

    The North claims the island and surrounding waters and had threatened "brutal consequences beyond imagination" if the drills went forward. But a statement from the North's official news agency Monday night said it was "not worth reacting" to the exercise, and one by the North's military said, "The world should properly know who is the true champion of peace and who is the real provocateur of a war."

    Next up, North Korea plans to release a handwritten statement in bubbly cursive on notebook paper about how it's "just so over the drama" and "so above all this."

    Tags: North Korea, South Korea
  • Quote Unquote: Sarah Palin Has Kim Jong Il's Back

    Sarah Palin on America's place in the current Korean conflict

    "This speaks to a bigger picture here that certainly scares me in terms of our national security policy. But obviously we've gotta stand with our North Korean allies."

    In all fairness to her, the way her kitchen window is situated, the Koreas are blocked by a tree.

    Tags: North Korea, Quote Unquote, Sarah Palin, South Korea
  • North Korea Working to Keep Its Reputation as "Provocative"

    Luckily for Barack Obama, there are no other matters that need his attention these days, so he's free to devote his time to shit like this

    President Barack Obama plans to call South Korean President Lee Myung-bak to discuss North Korea's artillery attack Tuesday on a disputed western maritime border between the countries.

    The U.S. will stand "shoulder-to-shoulder" with South Korea over the attack, White House Press Secretary Bill Burton said… Burton said the U.S. will work with global leaders in the coming days to figure how to best deal with North Korea's attack. Burton wouldn't say whether the attack was one of provocation.

    He said, however, "North Korea has a habit of doing things that are provocative."

    Like, there was the time that the totalitarian state did that performance art piece in which it invited people to come up onstage and cut away pieces of its clothes until it was left there totally naked and exposed.

    Oh, wait, no. That wasn't North Korea, it was Yoko Ono. I always get them confused. (Which one of them held a couple of American journalists hostage for two weeks again?)

    Tags: Barack Obama, Kim Jong Il, North Korea, South Korea
  • Barack Obama Dishonored U.S. Troops, U.S. Troops Dishonored Selves

    Stephen finally responds the invisible pink elephant in the make-believe magical room of imagination…

    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Military, New York Post, South Korea, Stephen Colbert, Thanksgiving, The Colbert Report, Veterans Day, Video
  • Barack Obama Is Not the Homecoming Queen at G-20

    Ain't no summit like the G-20 Summit cuz the G-20 Summit don't stop! Haha, not really, it does stop. But then it happens again and again!

    This year, it's happening in South Korea, the world's primary producer of cabbage farts. And while the kimchi will undoubtedly be delightful, President Obama will also likely find that he is not, in fact, the belle of this particular ball. Just this week, China was all, "Yeah, we're downgrading your credit rating because you're doing exactly what we do, i.e., manipulating the value of your own currency in order to produce domestic jobs." Oh noez!

    Even if there is no immediate rival to the United States as a monetary power, American officials acknowledge that Mr. Obama is going to have a far more difficult time winning any kind of consensus strategy out of the Group of 20 than he did during the first such meeting of his presidency, in London in 2009.

    "The world is more divided today than it was in London because nations not facing the prospect of a depression have that luxury," said Lawrence H. Summers, who leaves the White House next month after two years as the head of the National Economic Council, and as Mr. Obama’s top economic adviser. "Part of a return to normalcy is that nations more strongly and disparately assert their immediate interests."

    Thanks, Larry! That insight will do Obama really well when he's all alone and embarrassed in the corner while Brazil is totally slow-dancing too close with Ireland to Heart's "Alone."

    I hope he enjoys twiddling his thumbs under a crepe paper garland and making forced small talk with the kindly but annoying elderly chaperon. This is gonna be totes awksies.

    Tags: Barack Obama, China, Economy, G-20, Lawrence Summers, Money, South Korea