Still reeling from the agony of being forced to spend his birthday with no-names like Oprah while his wife aided the separatist movement ETA in España, President Barack Obama mustered up the strength to take a trip to Austin, TX today.
His message? The U.S needs more college graduates, dammit! According to The Paper of Record, we've fallen waaaaay behind…
The United States gave up its spot as the world leader about 10 years ago, as students in nations like South Korea, Canada and Russia began to surpass their American counterparts. Now the United States ranks 12th among 36 developed nations in college graduation rates, a trend Mr. Obama said he intended to reverse.
Okay, duh, South Korea is way smarter than us, but CANADA?! Frickin' CANADA? All you have to do to get a diploma from those jerks is memorize the season finale of DeGrassi Jr. High from the 1992-1993 season!
This is utter bullshit. Everyone grab a teenager and teach it basic arithmetic, now.
Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, Education, Russia, South Korea, Texas
Remember how Hulk Hogan used to enter the arena to the kickass proto-Tea Party hit "Real American" and then strut around the ring pumping and flexing with all his might? That is sort of what the U.S. is doing now in South Korea…
"The Defense Department announced Monday that an aircraft carrier, the George Washington, would arrive in the South Korean port of Pusan on Wednesday as the United States and South Korea prepared for joint military exercises meant as a show of strength against North Korea."
All this is meant to freak North Korea out in the wake of its navy's March 2010 sinking of a South Korean warship. 46 South Koreans died when a North Korean submarine fired a torpedo at a South Korean warship. (North Korea, of course, says, "WTF? We so did not do anything wrong, you guys, GOD.")
So, basically, The Undertaker pulled some fatal stunt a few months ago and the United States of Hogan is mad as hell and is coming to the aid of Macho Man Randy Savage in this, America's finest hour. Historically, only good things happen when the United States gets involved in Korean affairs.
Tags: Military, North Korea, South Korea, Wrestling
Nobody parties like the G-20 parties and the G-20 parties don't stop! Yes, it's time for a big celebration of being rich and staying that way, by hook or by crook. Canada has the honor of hosting this bloated retinue of government bureaucrats.
But don't get your hopes up, Other Countries; Barack Obama is going through a serious Sailor Moon phase, and he's got priorities…
Mr. Obama will have at least six one-on-one meetings with other leaders. But except for Mr. Cameron, all of the confirmed bilateral meetings so far are with Asian leaders — Mr. Kan of Japan, Hu Jintao of China, Manmohan Singh of India, Lee Myung-bak of South Korea and Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono of Indonesia — in a reflection of Asia’s role in leading the global economic recovery.
Suck on that, round-eyes! Our Man in Ontario could give two shits if you've got an epithelial fold above your big Euro peepers. Obama's got a craving for Asian fusion, and all y'all Occidental motherfuckers best back the fuck off, ya heard?
Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, China, G-20, India, Indonesia, Japan, South Korea