Ay dios mio! How mad is Spain at Germany for talking shizz on its cucumbers? The answer is "totally, super, overdramatically-mad the way you'd expect a bunch of romantic bullfighters in sparkly sequined outfits to be."
Seems the spat began when those wacky Teutonic officials blamed imported Spanish cucumbers for the E. coli outbreak that killed nine Germans. Then health experts in Hamburg tested the cukes and discovered that the sensually-shaped yet utterly bland green veggies were innocent. Whoopsies!
So what does this incident have to do with politics and economics and other important things, exactly? Well, kind of a lot, actually…
Spanish fruit and vegetable exporters are losing as much as 200 million euros ($288 million) a week in sales as consumers avoid the country’s products, according to Begona Jimenez, a spokeswoman for Fepex, which represents producers in Spain.
Ah, but the question on everyone's mind is, as always, "What does Deputy Prime Minister Alfredo Perez Rubalcaba have to say?!" The answer is this: "A lot of money has been lost, and our image. We don’t rule out taking action against the authorities who cast doubt on the quality of our produce, in this case the authorities in Hamburg."
Here's a translation for our American audience: "All y'all Hamburglars best watch yo ass 'fore I shove one of my high-quality, totally-not-contaminated-by-feces Spanish cucumbers up it!" Jeez, these Spaniards get HEATED.
Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Food, Germany, Health, Spain
How many hours have you wasted on Twitter? Don't answer that question. Instead, answer this one: How many hours has the State of Israel wasted on Twitter? The answer is "zero–UNTIL NOW!"
Yes, the world's favorite totally non-apartheid state has joined the rest of the hipsters and coolsters by obtaining the rights to Twitter.com/Israel. Haha, but first they had to pay off some Spanish pornographer/Inquisitor…
The owner of the user name, Israel Meléndez, got it in 2007, when Twitter was in its infancy. He struggled to use his account, however, because every posting prompted a flood of anti-Semitic or anti-Israel comments from Twitter users, in a case of mistaken identity.
"My account was basically unused because I was getting dozens of replies every day from people who thought the account belonged to the state of Israel," Mr. Meléndez said.
This randy Spaniard would not give up his beloved "basically unused" Twitter account for gratis, however.
Mr. Meléndez, who is Spanish but lives in Miami, said that an agreement had been reached last month in a telephone negotiation that he conducted from the Israeli consulate in Miami. Mr. Meléndez described the sale price as "adequate."
Israel then took over his Twitter account after first closing down the original version.
Maybe Hillary Clinton outta slow her roll with that whole peace-in-the-Middle-East mission she's on. When the State of Israel conducts actual international negotiations to buy the Twitter account of some "Spanish owner of a pornographic Web site," the End Times are clearly nigh. Her time would be better spent back "home" in upstate New York, downing tequila shots with Bill while they await the coming of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Tags: Hillary Clinton, Internet, Israel, Jewish, Porn, Spain, Twitter
The idea of morality in America may seem kind of amoral, but that's only because immorality keeps morale up. And that's the moral of this story. (Somebody should print that on a mural.)
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: House of Representatives, Marriage Equality, Michelle Obama, Newt Gingrich, Polls, Republicans, Spain, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video
Breaking News! Spain won the World Cup yesterday afternoon! You heard it here first, folks! Paella for all!
This is obviously fantastic news for the people of Spain, whose national team has never previously brought home La Copa del Mundo. But it's even better news for us, because we really didn't have all that many Daily Show clips about The Netherlands. So, let's all enjoy our good fortune with a refreshing collection of Spanish Daily Show clips…
March 15, 2004: History of Spain
More videos after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Jon Stewart, Soccer, Spain, Sports, Stephen Colbert, The Daily Show