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Spencer Bachus
  • Rep. Spencer Bachus Sees Red Congresspeople

    Oh no! Have you heard?!

    Our legislative branch of government has become infested… with SOCIALISTS!!!

    [Rep. Spencer Bachus] Bachus, the usually soft-spoken ranking Republican on the House Financial Services Committee, surprised a Birmingham News reporter last week by claiming there are 17 "socialists" in Congress.

    When asked for specifics, Bachus named only one legislator — Sanders, a self-described "democratic socialist," whose vision of a socialist safety net is more Stockholm than Stalingrad.

    Bachus' spokesman hasn't responded to numerous requests from Politico to name the other 16 lawmakers.

    So what?! Bachus can't or won't name the other 16 socialists in Congress. That doesn't mean they don't exist. When my old apartment back in Philly became infested with mice, I didn't learn all of their names. Just, like, a few of them.

    And you know what? That community of mice, with all their huddling together for warmth and sharing food and relying on one another for survival. Turned out they were socialists, too. That's why I didn't mind exterminating them; I felt it was my patriotic duty.

    I tell you what Rep. Bachus should do is leave a mix a little chlorophacinone into a proposed bill for increased governmental oversight of corporations and then leave it behind the congressional refrigerator. Its effects come about very slowly, so the socialists won't learn to associate them with the populist policies.

    Only problem is the congressional halls can get pretty rank if you're not diligent about cleaning them out afterward.

    Tags: Alabama, Bernie Sanders, House of Representatives, Senate, Socialism, Spencer Bachus, Vermont
  • Barack Obama Slams House Dems by Saying Absolutely Nothing

    Be prepared, because what I'm about to tell you is going to completely explode your brain into a billion exploded pieces.

    While discussing the stimulus package with President Obama, Republican legislators said something mean about the Democrats. And then Obama didn't acknowledge the slight, as though it didn't deserve to be acknowledged.

    Which essentially is exactly the same thing as spitting on his middle finger and then ramming it into the Democratic congresspeople's faces. Except much worse…

    The room burst into applause at the mention of congressional Democrats' alleged lack of bipartisan outreach. Obama did not come to their defense – a silence that many took to mean he acknowledged that lack of comity.

    Really, that's the only way that you can interpret silence.

    "I think the House Democrats have failed at bipartisanship, and I think he acknowledged that by what he didn't say as opposed to what he did," said Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.).

    "He didn't say anything, but we got the message," said Rep. John Mica (R-Fla.).

    Bachus and Mica are absolutely right. Obama didn't not say the opposite of those things that they think he implied by not implying their antitheses. So, really, the only way we can interpret this is to assume that Obama is totally on the Republican's side now. Yep.

    Especially considering all the other damning things about House Democrats that he also didn't say. I can't even not write some of those non-things in this blog, if you know what I mean.

    I wonder if he doesn't not kiss wife Michelle without that mouth of not his.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Economy, House of Representatives, John Mica, Spencer Bachus, Stimulus