Questions Rep. Joe Barton Should Have Asked Secretary Stephen Chu

As I'm sure you're aware, the world is still reeling from the total intellectual ass-kicking that Rep. Joe Barton gave that pencil-neck geek Energy Secretary Stephen Chu the other day when he asked him to explain how all that Texas-style oil got underneath the Alaska-style ground.

Obviously, Chu retreated into a whole bunch of sciencey kind of bullshit which was obvious bullshit science stuff — totally embarrassing himself — and Rep. Barton walked away as the smartest man in the 6,000 year history of the Earth.

Anyway, Get Your War On's old author David Rees doesn't think Barton should have been so merciful as to stop there, and suggests a number of other questions that Chu needed to be asked…

"Why can't I see the wind? Is it made of ghosts?"

"How did all that water get in the ocean?"

"How come sometimes when I look at a cloud, it reminds me of a shape, like a horse or an airplane or something?"

"How come things are all different colors?"

"If solar power is so great, why isn't there a Psalm in the Bible that says, 'Solar power is so great / that is my honest opinion, sayeth the Lord'?"

"If global warming is so real, how come I had never heard of it until people started talking about it?"

"How did this thumb on the end of my arm get stuck up my ass?"

Luckily for Chu, Barton doesn't like to flaunt his brainial superiority.

Tags: David Rees, Energy & Oil, Environment, Get Your War On, Joe Barton, Science & Technology, Steven Chu

Republican Congressperson Totally Pwns Secretary of Energy

Aw, snap!

Did you see Texas Rep. Joe Barton's mind-boggling take down of that egghead scientist Energy Secretary Dr. Stephen Chu as a means to disprove Global Warming somehow?

Barton's Twitter: "I seemed to have baffled the Energy Sec with basic question – Where does oil come from?"

Seemed to have baffled him. He practically made that nerd's head explode with his flawless logic and creative understand of the Earth's history. I just love watching those stuffed shirts with all their learnin' and numberin' get taken down by a good ol' boy like "Smokey Joe." It was a think of beauty to behold!

Here, watch…

Burn! Buuuuuurrrnnn!!!

Look at that idiot mumbling about "Geology" and "Constantinople Plates" and a bunch of other made-up stuff.

You don't mess with a Texan when it comes to the science of oil and energy. Lone Star scientists discovered long ago that Alaska used to be hot, because that's where Lucifer fell when God threw him out of Heaven. It's as obvious a fact as the fact that oil is made out of angels' tears.

That shit got proved a long time ago.

Tags: Energy & Oil, Environment, Joe Barton, Science & Technology, Steven Chu

Other Obama Beanie Babies Axed by Michelle Obama

Ever since Michelle Obama had the Malia and Sasha dolls pulled, the Ty Corporation is scrapping plans for future lines of Obama Administration Beanie Babies. Among the saddest we will be to see go:

Robert Gibbs Overweight Seahorse

Ambiguously Still Bitter About Not Being President Hillary Clinton Red-Nosed Thing

Second Tier Republican Cabinet Secretaries

Eric Holder and Stephen Chu Gay Bears

Huge Monkey Asshole Larry Summers

Tags: Barack Obama, Eric Holder, Hillary Clinton, Malia Obama, Michelle Obama, Robert Gibbs, Sasha Obama, Steven Chu

From the Pork Barrel: Veni, Vidi, Veto

* Barack Obama already refusing to govern unipartisanly with Senate Democrats.

* Dick Cheney choosing to "settle" some "scores" with book instead of Death Ray.

* Secretary of the Treasury already proving he knows how to save money.

* Secretary of Energy powering down.

* So, are we allowed to start caring about Charles Darwin again, yet? Or are we gonna have to wait till next week?

* Did I just experience this video from Nancy Pelosi for real? Did that really happen? I'm so confused…

Tags: Barack Obama, Economy, Energy & Oil, House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, Obama Administration, Pork Barrel, Science & Technology, Senate, Steven Chu, TARP, Timothy Geithner